Feed the Fire Within
by NatNazzy
Summary: Directly after 2x15 "Revelations" What will Morgan do when faced with the reality of what Reid had to undergo at the hands of Tobias Hankel? Secrets will be revealed. Will feelings be revealed too? And how will Morgan help Reid cope? Morgan/Reid. Slash.
1. With but a spark we will set alight

**With but a spark we will set alight**

**A/N: I am very nervous about this. I'm scared I may have botched the characterization, but I really felt something akin to this should have happened the night of "Revelations" after Reid got rescued. This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it grew a mind of its own so will probably become a twoshot. Also, I don't know what happened to Morgan and Reid. They were supposed to just be friends, now there are hints of something more? O_o I blame fanfic for this… I've been reading too much SLASH :D Constructive criticism ismost welcome, but please no flames!**

**Disclaimer: I wish… I really do wish I owned Criminal Minds, then I could write the script and make all of our dreams come true… sadly I don't. So it's fanfic for me :D**

How did we get here?

How had we managed to reach this point?

Was a kidnapping really what it took to make use see?

How sick…

The motel room was stereotypical in the way that only motel rooms can be. The curtains matched the carpet, which matched the bedspread, which matched the sheets. The dark brown mahogany furniture as well as the roaring fire in the hearth added a soft glow to the room; making it feel homey, comforting even.

But this was all a false sense of security. Morgan knew.

What had transpired this night as well as the days prior had been nothing short of pure and unadulterated hell. For all the parties involved. Still, Morgan shook his head in bemused wonderment and relief, what Tobias Hankel had done was unforgiveable. Sick. Twisted. Which made sense; considering that he was a sick and twisted man. Yet even though he himself had suffered at the hands of his father and the ever looming spectre of 'Raphael', even though he himself had been hurting, Morgan could not find it within him to pity and forgive the man that had almost taken away the single most important thing to him.

_God. When had he become so melodramatic?_

Turning his head towards the bathroom door Morgan hushed his internal ramblings. Reid had been in there for a while now and he was beginning to worry.

Morgan gave him five more minutes before he crossed the room in two powerful strides.

"Reid?" He called out softly, gently knocking on the door as he did so. "Hey Kid, are you ok?"

The silence he was met with only served to increase his heart rate. Worry marred his features as adrenaline began to pump its way through his veins. Now, he was beginning to panic. Reid had been through so much, and it was because of this that Morgan's mind began to wander, conjuring up all sorts of disastrous images and scenarios pertaining to what terrible thing could be happening in that bathroom right in that very moment.

He tried the handle on the door only to find it locked. Just as he had expected.

"Reid seriously open the door man, you're scaring me."

Nothing.

"Reid… Spencer, if you don't open the door I'm going to kick it down. We both know with my fieldwork history that it's not an idle threat."

"I'm fine Morgan just go to bed." Came the strained response from the other side of the door. It broke Morgan's heart to hear the pain emanating from his best friend's voice.

"If you're fine then you won't mind unlocking the door and letting me in there to see for myself."

"Please. Morgan, please just let it go. I'm fine."

This time it was the anguish in his voice that spurred Morgan into action. He'd had enough of waiting. Guilt over what had happened to Reid already overrode every emotion that he had, and he'd be damned if he let something happen to Reid now that he was safe. Not under his watch.

As it turns out, it wasn't necessary for him to kick down the door. Whilst the motel room was warm and cosy, it was also incredibly old and rickety. All it took was a strengthened jangle from Morgan and the lock on the door broke free.

Immediately he pushed the door open to reveal a sight that was far worse than any video feed that Tobias Hankel could have dared stream to Morgan and the rest of the team.

Reid, no, Spencer had sandwiched himself between the bathtub and the toilet, his forehead resting on the rim of the bowl. His eyes were squeezed shut and his hair was a tangled mess that rested in front of his eyes.

A sheen of sweat covered his skin and his teeth chattered with trembles that had appeared to have taken over his entire body.

These symptoms had Morgan confused, but as his eyes travelled away from Spencer's face to take in the rest of his friend he couldn't help but gasp at what he discovered the assailant to be.

Spencer had removed his tie.

On a normal day this would have been inconsequential. Strange, maybe, but certainly not something for anyone to worry about. Then again, on a normal day Spencer wouldn't have removed his tie to wrap it around his arm – to turn it into a makeshift tourniquet.

Morgan's eyes widened as he looked at Spencer's arms, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, tourniquet in place and a glass vial of god knew what and a syringe held firmly in his hand.

"What the hell is this Reid?!" Morgan all but yelled at the younger agent, before storming over and snatching the vial and syringe out of Spencer's grasp.

"No. Morgan please. You, you don't understand –"

"Understand what?! What are you doing man? Where did you even get this from?"

Morgan hated how harshly his voice was reverberating off of the tiled bathroom walls. Hated how Spencer recoiled from the sound in obvious fear. Hated how unlike him this reaction was. But this entire situation was unlike anything he'd had to face before, and he was determined to get answers before another second managed to tick by.

Spencer bowed his head in shame and let out a muffled sob, before resuming his prior position against the toilet bowl. It pained Morgan to see his friend in such a state. The sight of Spencer, hunched over a toilet bowl, sobbing and shaking with barely repressed emotion was a testament to how far he had fallen. Spencer Reid had never been confident. He struggled with his self-esteem and he lacked a great many social skills, but his intelligence had always guaranteed that he was, if anything, self-assured and in his own way respected, and he was definitely _always _presentable.

Not like this.

Not right now.

No, now he was a shell of his former self. A mere outline of what he used to be. A mask that looked exactly like Spencer Reid, but a soul that no longer held an exact semblance to the man he was before. The naïve yet informed man with an astounding memory and a broad sense of empathy to match. A soul teeming with innocence that was both endearing and unique and so specifically Spencer that it almost physically hurt to know that that innocence had been tarnished; possibly lost forever to a black abyss that bore a frightening resemblance to the shadows that now inhabited his once bright eyes.

"Why did I let you talk us out of taking you to the hospital?" Morgan groaned, running his hand over his head and cursing himself and the team for their stupidity. Spencer should have gone straight to the hospital, anyone with half a brain cell could have seen that, but the entire team had let his pleading and desperate eyes bend them to his wishes, despite their better judgement, on the condition that Morgan would stay with him and take him to the hospital first thing in the morning.

Morgan could see now that it had been a mistake. A stupid, moronic, against-protocol mistake. But they had all been so relieved to find Spencer alive that they were willing to give him the world if he asked for it –

"I'm not a child Morgan." Came a harsh whisper from the toilet bowl.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not a child." Spencer repeated with more force. Lifting his head from the bowl he continued. "I'm not a child, and I sure as _hell _don't need you or anyone else to babysit me."

The words felt stale even as they were leaving his mouth and Morgan could only blink, his mouth hanging open like a goldfish, shocked at the completely acidic tone of Spencer's voice and the unmasked anger that laced his words like venom. Never had Spencer spoken to him like this. _Never. _

This wasn't Spencer. This was shock and PTSD and trauma and exhaustion, but this was not_ Spencer_.

"Of course you're not a child Reid… Spencer, but – "

"But nothing Morgan! I survived Tobias Hankel perfectly fine on my own and I can survive being on my own for tonight as well, so if you wouldn't mind please leave."

"Uh uh. No way." Morgan threw out, crossing his arms over his chest whilst still clutching the vial and syringe and deliberately ignoring Spencer's clipped tone. Spencer could verbally abuse him until the very crack of dawn, there was no way he was leaving the Kid alone, especially after only stumbling upon this sight mere seconds ago.

"I wasn't asking Morgan."

"I don't care."

"DAMMIT DEREK! Why can' you just leave me alone?!"

"Because you were left alone for days with no one but Tobias Hankel and his damned dissociative personality disorder for company! And this might actually come as a surprise to you Kid but you weren't the only one who went through hell for those two days."

"You cannot seriously be making this about you right now Derek Morgan." Spencer whispered harshly, completely missing his friend's carefully veiled confession.

Slowly, he began to lift himself from the floor, using the toilet as his base, trembling limbs and all.

"Are you seriously that self-centred and that selfish?" Spencer was practically yelling now, his voice rising an octave such was his rage. "Various rounds of Russian Roulette, beatings, torture, being made to choose people to die and then have to watch their deaths play out as they happen, _digging my own grave, _AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT THROUGH HELL?!"

Spencer was panting by the end of his tirade and shaky on his feet. Gasping, he drew in another breath and murmured. "Do you have a God-complex Derek Morgan or are you just that arrogant?"

The silence that settled between them was heavy and thick with tension. Derek was absolutely dumbfounded with what Spencer had just said and his expression matched his thoughts perfectly. _Is that really what he thinks of me? No, _Derek corrected himself, _that's Tobias' influence._

Swiftly, Derek was snapped out of his reverie by movement from Spencer's side of the bathroom. He barely had time to register his movements before he dashed across the small space and caught Spencer as he swayed and fell – barely missing hitting his head on the showerhead over the bathtub as he went.

"Hey Kid, you okay?" Derek asked, as he lowered Spencer's body to the floor and stared back at him with nothing short of worry and concern in his eyes.

"Mmm. Will be." Spencer mumbled incoherently. "Just need some water. You mind getting it for me?" He slurred, cracking open an eye ever so slowly as he did so.

"Yeah sure thing. Just hang on a minute." Derek got to his feet and scanned the bathroom for a glass, concern for Spencer overriding any previous emotions he might have had whirring about his head.

Annoyed that there was no glass in the bathroom, Derek made his way out to the bedroom and checked the bedside tables. Snatching up the closest glass he could find he turned around and retreated back to the bathroom, determined not to leave Spencer alone for a second longer then he had to.

As it turns out, that was the best decision he had made the entire night.

Stepping through the threshold Derek was confronted with a frantic Spencer, desperately trying to fill the syringe with the substance from the vial. _When had he dropped that? _Derek briefly wondered before lurching forward.

"Spencer, NO!" He cried as he snatched both the vial and syringe from trembling hands.

Everything unravelled. It was like a barrier broke from somewhere within Spencer and the flood came. He collapsed in a heap on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. Humiliation and desperation be damned. He was so tired and now he couldn't even use the one thing that would help him forget. The one thing that would make this entire nightmare go away, if only for a small while. In that moment, he simply gave up.

"Y-you don't u-u-understand." Spencer got out between sobs.

"Spencer. Tobias streamed videos to us. We saw the things he did to you – "

"So that makes you understand?! Oh my god Morgan it's not like Tobias recorded everything!"

"Excuse me?" Derek ground out. The underlying meaning of what Spencer was trying to say was not lost on him, and he found himself growing increasingly furious at Tobias Hankel and the array of sick possibilities of what he could have done to his Spencer.

Wait. _His _Spencer. When had he begun to use the possessive?

"What do you mean by 'Hankel didn't record everything'?"

"I m-meant nothing b-by it." Spencer choked out between sobs, trying in earnest to divert Derek's attention from the subject at hand. "I only meant that you guys don't understand as much as you think you do. You didn't see everything. So how could you?"

He had stopped sobbing now and instead, lent his head back to rest on the rim of the bathtub, completely exhausted. Derek knew that it was wrong even before he did it, but he had to ask his questions now while Spencer's defences were down. He had to find out exactly what had happened while Spencer was still vulnerable and, hopefully, willing to answer.

Derek knelt down directly in front of his friend and leaned his face towards Spencer's own. "What do you mean by everything?" He whispered.

Spencer looked up and into his eyes tiredly, resolutely even. "I don't want to talk about it." He whispered, with a slight tremble of his lips. His eyes were pleading Derek to both understand him and forgive him. To let it go.

Derek was having none of that.

"Reid, I get that you don't want to talk about this, and even though you're going to have to eventually I'm not going to make you do that right now." The younger man closed his eyes and released a sigh of relief, a slight smile tugging at the edges of his lips. "I am, however, going to ask you to tell me about this." Derek gestured to his hand, indicating the vial and syringe hiding within.

Just like that, the tiny smile dropped from Spencer's face and his eyes flashed with what can only be described as panic.

"Hey." Derek soothed, reaching out and grasping his friend's hair, cradling his head and forcing him to make eye contact. "It's just me here. You know you can tell me anything."

He stared back at Derek for a small while before lowering his eyes to the bathroom floor, too humiliated to maintain the eye contact. "It's so shameful." He whispered, as the tears began to slowly trail down his already water-soaked face.

Derek sighed audibly before rolling back onto his heels and standing up. He set the vial and syringe aside on the countertop next to the sink before holding out his hand to his best friend. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

Spencer didn't move, but Derek caught the almost imperceptible shake of his head. "Spencer, you have dried blood all down the side of your face and I need to see if that gash needs stitches or not." _Why hadn't he gone to the hospital again?_

In all honesty, Derek wasn't even certain Spencer had heard him due to his lack of reaction. It didn't matter either way though, he wasn't taking no for an answer. What the kid needed right now was to get cleaned up and a good night's sleep – something that he had been denied over the past few days. He would also need it for the thorough interrogation Derek was going to confront him with on the way to the hospital the next morning.

With that last, abysmal thought running through his head, Derek leaned forward and hoisted Spencer up, hands securing him beneath his armpits the way one would with a child. It seemed fitting, in a twisted sort of way. Spencer looked as lost as a child and oh, he was even pouting like one too.

"Not happy with me are you Kid?" Derek smirked.

His only response was a noncommittal shrug from Spencer, who still refused to meet his gaze.

Again, Derek sighed and released his hold on the younger agent, only to have his hands snap right back into place as soon as Spencer began to sway.

"Come on, sit here." Derek gestured toward the bathtub, helping Spencer seat himself on the edge.

Once he was sure that his friend wasn't going to topple over he made to move towards the sink but stopped when his eyes found the tie still tapered around Spencer's arm. Slowly, he undid the knot and pulled it loose, rubbing the translucent skin to get the blood going again. He didn't dwell on the fact that his hands lingered there longer then was necessary.

Turning the faucet, Derek filled the sink with warm water before wetting a facecloth and turning to face his friend. Spencer had his head in his hands and looked like he was trying not to be sick. Concern flashed within Derek before he quickly clamped it down. He needed to get Spencer cleaned up and ready for bed. The rest he could concern himself with later.

Standing before his friend he realised how much he had been through. The parallels between them had never been stronger. They had always been opposites, both physically and psychologically, yet in this moment it felt like they were on opposite sides of the earth. Spencer had always been smaller than Derek. Skinnier than him, lighter than him, but right here, right now, he was tiny. The team had always joked that a strong breeze would be all it took to blow him away. That joke didn't seem funny to Derek anymore. He had a feeling that as of right now, a breeze would be all it took to send his friend flying over the edge.

"Kid, can you look up for me?"

Spencer obliged, angling his head towards the ceiling but opting to keep his eyes closed. For some reason this bothered Derek.

Carefully he placed the facecloth against the side of Spencer's head and began to clear the dried blood away. He was meticulous in his work yet careful to be gentle at the same time. Spencer's breathing began to even out and Derek smiled as he felt some of the tension leave his friend's shoulders as exhaustion began to take over.

Once Derek had cleaned away all the blood surrounding the wound he leaned over and grabbed the bottle of anti-septic he'd had the foresight to unpack before Spencer had managed to lock himself in the bathroom.

"This is going to sting a little." He said, as he applied the antiseptic to the face cloth and put it to Spencer's head.

Spencer hissed in pain at the contact and reflexively grabbed on to Derek's shirt.

"Sorry, Pretty Boy." Derek murmured, before capping the antiseptic bottle and setting it back on the countertop, placing the facecloth over the vial and syringe as he did so – anything to distract him from the tingling sensation building in his stomach.

Turning back to his friend he realised that to try and do anything else would be futile. Spencer was dead on his feet and was swaying dangerously where he sat on the edge of the bathtub.

"Come on Kid, let's get you to bed."

Spencer hummed appreciatively in response, and it was a characteristic so like his old self that Derek couldn't help but chuckle before placing an arm around his friend's waist and helping him to his feet, placing Spencer's arm over his shoulder as he did so.

The walk to the bed was a slow and painful one, with Spencer not able to put much weight on his injured foot. His limp was so bad that Derek was simultaneously shocked and mortified that he hadn't noticed it before.

Upon reaching the bed, Spencer all but fell on top of it, relief at finally being able to lie down evident in his close-eyed expression.

Knowing that trying to get his friend changed into his night clothes was going to be impossible, Derek simply reached down and unlaced Spencer's shoe, noting that the other was missing from his injured foot, and taking it off. Then with a tenderness that would have surprised the members of his team, he helped manoeuvre his friend so that he was under the blankets of the room's double bed.

The fact that Spencer had not even attempted to protest or become flustered at this treatment was all the proof Derek needed to know how drained and tired his best friend really was.

He turned away and began to shuffle around the room, turning on his bedside lamp and switching off all the other lights before heading back into the bathroom. He had to get rid of that vial and syringe…

"Derek?"

The older agent stopped in his tracks, turning to face the figure resting in the bed.

"You alright Kid?" He asked, walking up to the prone form as he did so.

Spencer looked up at him with fearful eyes, silently pleading, for what Derek wasn't entirely sure.

"I…um…" He looked down at the bedspread, colour suddenly rising to his cheeks.

"What is it Spencer?" Derek asked gently.

His eyes flashed to meet Derek's when he realised he had been using his first name. "Would you… would mind staying with me? Until I fall asleep?"

Derek looked back at him with something akin to tenderness in his eyes before grasping his shoulder. "Of course kid." He said and he smiled, which Spencer returned with a small smile of his own.

Derek walked to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge to remove his belt and shoes. He then settled back against the headboard and angled his body to face Spencer. His breathing was already evening out, his face slowly relaxing with the reprieve that sleep provided him, though his body did not relax entirely. His shoulders were still tense and he had himself huddled into a tight foetal position, subconsciously protecting as much of his body as he could.

Derek clasped his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. So much had happened over the last few days that he found himself worrying about what was going to happen next. He knew that, despite everything, Spencer was going to act indifferently, like none of it had affected him. But from what Derek had seen tonight he knew that to be the furthest thing from the truth. _Something _had happened in that cabin that the team didn't know about. _Something _was affecting Spencer in a way that trauma such as this doesn't quite account for.

Derek sighed deeply and grasped the bridge of his nose. With these kinds of thoughts circulating his head he knew that despite his own tiredness, the night was going to be a long one. He had a feeling that it was far from over, and a sense of dread in that the feeling was right.

**A/N: I would like to thank MobMotherScitah, Rainbow Haired Girl, RU12 and an Anonymous reviewer for being my first ever reviewers on this sight and encouraging me to write more. Thank you!**

**This fic is waaay longer than my other one so I'm really worried about the quality, I'm not very happy with it if I'm entirely honest but hey, we all have to start somewhere right?**


	2. Ashes to ashes

**Ashes to ashes**

**A/N: Ok so I'm really nervous about this guys. I feel like I might have thrown myself in the deep end by dipping my toes into the slash pool so soon. Thank you to everyone who added me to their alerts, follows, favourites. It lets me know that people are reading. A special thank you to RU12 and ZenyZootSuit for reviewing the last chapter and to Ray Ray for checking my spelling!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Morgan, Reid or anything to do with Criminal Minds I would not be writing FanFiction. It's the sad truth.**

Funnily, it was the heat that woke him before the thrashing did.

Blinking his eyes open, Derek made to move out from under the steaming bed sheets before realizing that he had never actually climbed inside them in the first place. Staring at the ashes of the dead fire in the fireplace, Derek had to admit that he was confused. Until he cast his eyes downwards that is.

Cocooned in the sheets and curled up against his side was his best friend. Only at the moment, Derek hardly recognized him as such.

The cocoon was shaking uncontrollably, and the only part of his friend that he could see was so thickly drenched with sweat that his usually buoyant hair was plastered to his face. He was mumbling incoherently with a furrowed brow and a heavy frown that indicated that he was in the midst of a nightmare.

Derek wasn't entirely sure what to do, but his decision was promptly made for him when Spencer began to thrash within the sheets and his ramblings turned violent with their urgency.

"I haven't done anything!" He cried out desperately.

"Reid –"

"Tobias, help me!"

_Wait… what?_

Spencer begging his captor for help didn't make any sense! Granted, Tobias had been the passive one out of the three personalities but what could he have possibly done to make Spencer feel safe enough to ask him for help?

"No! Wait. Tobias please, not like this!" He was practically begging now. "Please, no, I don't want it! I don't want it!"

"Reid!" Derek all but yelled, trying to shake his best friend awake despite knowing that it was one of the worst things to do to someone imprisoned in a nightmare. It was to no avail. Spencer continued to thrash and plead as if his very life depended on it, and Derek supposed that at more than one point in the last few days, it did.

Not being able to take it anymore, he grabbed his friend by the shoulders and gave him a colossal shake, bellowing as he did so.

"SPENCER!" And with one last push his friend jolted awake, snapping upright in the bed and further entangling himself in the sheets.

The only sound that filled the room now was the heavy breathing coming from both men. Gasps on Spencer's part and shaky breath's from Derek – who was trying to quell the fear that had easily taken root in his stomach. There were nightmares… and there were _nightmares. _But never had the older agent seen anything like this.

"Reid?" Derek asked, reaching an arm over towards his friend's shoulder but not quite making contact. "Spencer?"

The reaction was instantaneous. Spencer had whipped around to face Derek and his eyes were wide with fear. There was a glazed look to them that only served to feed the fear growing in the older man's stomach.

"D-Derek?" He stuttered.

His voice was so child-like that it seemed almost absurd that such vulnerability was coming from a grown man. Then again, Spencer was the youngest of the team. And at only twenty-five and after what he had just been through could Derek really have expected anything less? No. In fact, he'd be more worried if the younger agent were having any other kind of reaction other than the one he was having right now. This type of response, post trauma, was normal - even if the response was coming from Doctor Spencer Reid… who was anything but normal.

"I'm right here kid. What happened?"

"I-I can't I …"

"Shh… "Derek soothed, finally resting his hand on his friend's shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

"You don't know that." Spencer snapped. "How can you? I don't even know if it's going to be okay, not after…"

"Not after what?"

Spencer merely shook his head and turned away.

"Reid." Derek reprimanded. "Not after what?"

"Just forget about it okay?" And with that Spencer untangled himself from the sheets and hobbled towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Derek questioned.

"Where does it look like I'm going Morgan?" Spencer snapped back exasperatedly. "I need to use the bathroom, should I have asked for your permission or are you just wanting to hold my hand?"

Spencer's last sarcastic reply was followed by the slamming of the bathroom door.

Derek sighed audibly and ran his hands across his face. Spencer was being, for lack of a better word, a total brat, and the only reason the older agent wasn't letting his annoyance at his best friend show was because he had never seen this sort of behaviour from Spencer before. To say that he was worried would have been a colossal understatement. No, he was both worried and confused at Spencer's behaviour. Even with the trauma of the past few days, something didn't quite add up and he _needed _to figure out what it was.

Looking to the bathroom door, Derek began to feel an eerie sense of déjà vu and that was all it took for him to fit all the pieces into place.

Secrets, mood swings, sweating, nightmares, tremors, a syringe, a vial... withdrawal.

_Shit._

Without a moment's hesitation Derek lurched off the bed and ran to the bathroom at a breakneck speed.

Throwing the door open he prepared himself for the absolute worst; a tightly wrapped tourniquet complimented by glazed, unseeing eyes and shallow, laboured breathing. What he was met with, however, was definitely not what he had expected to find.

As still as a Roman statue, Spencer Reid stood, shirtless, with his hands on either side of the bathroom basin. Leaning heavily against the countertop he appeared to be gazing into the mirror before him with the intensity of a thousand suns. It was as if he were looking for the answers to a million and one questions whilst overanalysing what he saw in the reflection all at the same time. The needle and vial sat right next to his right hand, but it had remained untouched. Without realizing it, Derek exhaled in absolute relief.

Scrunching his eyebrows together, he observed his friend observing himself. It was obvious that he was taking in the damage that had been done, but there was a pain in his eyes that hinted at something more than just the physical injuries causing him discomfort. He stared back at himself as if he were trying to fight off a demon, as if he were suffering with some form of inner turmoil that he was petrified would possess his entire being.

This silent proclamation did more in informing Derek as to his friend's state of mind than any words or actions could. Spencer was the shyest person he knew. He was a complete introvert and got embarrassed at even the slightest indication of unwanted attention or indecency, and so for him to be standing with Derek so close, shirtless and exposed yet not even seeming to care had Derek more worried than he could even begin to describe.

The older agent let his eyes trail over his younger counterpart's body and felt his breath hitch in his throat. Aside from the obvious bruising on his friend's face, which the entire team had been privy to, the rest of Spencer's body from his shoulders to his hips were riddled with bruises and scratches – the most obvious being the dark and angry looking bruises on his chest where he received CPR as well as the track marks in the crook of his elbow. Derek swallowed heavily as he found his eyes fixated on that spot.

"_It's not like Tobias recorded everything."_

Spencer's words from earlier finally hit home and Derek realized for the first time that night that so much more had happened to Spencer that the team couldn't even begin to imagine. The haunted look in the younger man's eyes was proof of that and Derek only just managed to supress a shiver.

"Derek." Spencer whispered, his voice strained and his head bowed. "Derek, I – I need you to get rid of this." He gestured towards the needle and vial, as if the very thought of being without the drug pained him to his core.

When Derek still did not move his request became more urgent, impatient even. "Derek I need you to get rid of this now, right now. Derek, it has to go _now!_" Spencer practically yelled the last part as he grabbed the vial and syringe and thrust them into his friend's hands before returning to his spot in front of the mirror; the only crack in his stoicism being his now laboured breathing.

"Get rid of it now. I don't know how much longer I can take it." The threat of tears was evident in his voice. Derek gave a curt nod of his head, followed by a brief 'I'll be right back', before he turned on his heel and left the bathroom.

It wasn't long before the sound of smashing glass reached Spencer's ears. He looked to the mirror again and grinned a Glasgow smile. He was proud of himself for taking a step in the right direction. He didn't dwell on the fact that Tobias had two vials in his pocket and that Derek had only destroyed one… Insurance he mused. That was it. Nothing to be worried about, just a little insurance, in case…

He jumped when he felt a heavy hand rest on his shoulder and quickly looked to the mirror to find Derek watching him, concern evident in every line of his face.

"Come on; let's finish getting you cleaned up."

"Derek – "

"No, don't even start with me Reid."

Spencer's only reaction was to sigh in agitation like a petulant child, knowing that they weren't going to get their way no matter the extent of the tantrum.

Gently - more than Spencer thought was possible - Derek guided him to the edge of the bathtub and sat him down. He felt fingers trace along the bruises framing his collar bones and instantly felt the heat rush to his cheeks. _Ah. _He mused. _There's the self-consciousness…_

Not wanting to see the pity and disgust that he knew would be marring the older agent's features, Spencer lowered his head and closed his eyes, determined to enjoy the relaxing effect that Derek's patterning had on his body.

Slowly, he felt the fingers trail lower, before resting in the crook of his elbow. Immediately he stiffened.

"You have to tell me about this." Derek's voice broke the silence.

Spencer let out an impatient sigh. _Why did that moment have to end?_

"Reid." Derek began, the use of Spencer's last name and the tone of his voice letting the younger agent know that he was not about to get out of this one. "Reid, I don't want to be the bad guy here. Despite popular belief, the whole 'good cop bad cop' thing kind of annoys me, but when something like this," he gestured towards the track marks, "is happening to someone I deeply care about, I can't just stand idly by and watch it happen. So as much as you're going to hate me for doing this, I'm giving you an ultimatum. You tell me what happened. _Everything _that happened and I promise you we'll work through it together. No questions asked and no one else has to know. But if you don't, then I walk out that door right now and tell Hotch everything I know. It'll cost a lot and you'd probably never forgive me, but I'd much rather be responsible for you losing your job than your life."

Derek couldn't say he was surprised when all his monologue was met with was a deafening silence. Not knowing what to do, he let the silence stretch on, waiting for a response from Spencer to break it. He didn't have to wait long.

"Why?" His friend whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why do you feel responsible? Why do you, as you put it, care about me? Deeply?"

Now Derek had been thrown for a loop. Out of his entire speech, those are the things that Spencer chose to focus on? He was about to stutter some semblance of a response when Spencer continued.

"I don't get you Derek." The use of his first name had the older agent snapping his head to attention. "This night's been shot to hell anyway, we might as well be honest, and in all honesty, there are no redeeming qualities about me to even garner that sort of reaction. I guess that's why I'm so confused. I mean look at me." He said, finally looking up and staring Derek straight in the eye whilst gesturing towards his exposed body. "If I can't even protect myself from a delusional unsub how am I meant to protect society? I caved and signed a couple's death warrant. I caved and put Hotch in danger. I wasn't even strong enough to talk Tobias out of giving me drugs, and now I'm too weak to even think of anything else but the high and how desperately I want it. How badly I _need _it. I -"

He lowered his head, suddenly overcome with emotion. "I've never felt this hopeless before. I've never felt this tired or this stretched and the irony is that the only thing that can make it better is the thing that caused it in the first place. I hate Tobias for doing this to me. But I can't hate him for giving me an out, even if it was for only a couple of hours at a time. He helped me the only way he knew how and I just… I… oh God. I… I killed him. What the hell kind of person does that make me?!" Spencer all but yelled, hysterical due to the course of his ramblings.

"Hey." Derek said, kneeling in front of his best friend. "Hey Spencer look at me." He demanded, cradling his friend's head in both his palms and forcing him to make eye contact. "It makes you a survivor."

Spencer shook his head, trying to break away from Derek's grasp.

"No, I'm being serious Spencer. What you went through, it's not normal. What happened to you should never happen to anyone, especially someone as innately good as you are. You're not thinking straight because you're in the middle of a comedown okay? None of this makes you a bad person. It just makes you a person who's had to deal with far more in their lifetime than they ever should, and you're only getting stronger because of it."

Spencer surprised Derek by snorting at that.

"Strong? Derek please, let's just focus on the obvious here. I know what I am and I know what I'm not, and I am not strong. Not in the physical or the emotional sense of the word –"

"Stop doing that."

"What?" Spencer asked confused.

"Bringing yourself down, making yourself out to be a lesser man then you are."

Sighing heavily Spencer ran a hand through his ratty hair and spoke in a tone that hinted at barely concealed irritation. "What is _with _you tonight?" he demanded of the older agent.

"Excuse me?"

"You're like, not even acting yourself. You're comforting me, looking after me to the point of smothering me, and at the risk of sounding completely shallow and presumptuous you've hardly managed to keep a single hand off of me since we got here."

Derek blinked in surprise at Spencer's words but did not remove his hands. Suddenly he found himself becoming angry with the younger agent. Not because of what he'd said or because of how he was acting but because he was just so damned _dense _sometimes. Was it not obvious what was 'with' him tonight?

"You cannot be serious Reid." Derek deadpanned, using Spencer's last name to illustrate the intensity of the conversation to come. "How is it possible for someone so smart to be so incredibly dumb?" Spencer's cheeks flushed in anger at the last part, but before he could even choke out a reply Derek continued. "What's 'with' me tonight? Are you serious? I mean, are you seriously asking me that question right now?"

The only response he got from his friend was a look that could best be described as a 'deer caught in the headlights'. Seeing that the younger agent was more confused now than ever, Derek decided to elaborate rather than let Spencer try and figure it out on his own. Standing up and pacing the length of the tiny bathroom, Derek made a split second decision that he knew was either going to completely obliterate his friendship with Spencer, or bind it together with an unquantifiable strength that would last for eternity.

He took the plunge.

"You know, I've been feeling things for a while now, but like most things in life I needed a little push and a reminder of what exactly it was that I'd be missing."

He turned to look at his friend and saw his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What exactly are you trying to say Derek?" Spencer asked, his tone mingled with apprehension, curiosity and… hope?

"I don't know man. I guess you're not the only one who's confused." Derek admitted dejectedly, running a hand over his face as he did so. "It's just, when I first arrived on the scene, and saw the drag marks in the corn field it's like… it's like I just knew, you know? And the weight that it left me with in my stomach, I can't explain it, but it was so heavy, so unbearable. And then when I saw you on that screen for the first time, bloody and beaten it's like all that weight turned to fire. Suddenly the only colour I could see was red and all I wanted to do was turn Tobias Hankel into ash."

Spencer swallowed thickly but didn't interrupt; knowing that Derek would eventually say what it was that he really wanted to when the time was right.

"And then every time he cut the feed I felt like I was being cut up too, only to have to force the pieces back together again each time he streamed a new video because you looked worse and worse every single time. And by the time the last video rolled around I genuinely…" Derek had to pause then as he began to choke on his emotions, his ramblings becoming more hurried and urgent as he did so. "I genuinely thought that you might die. And I had _no _idea what I would have done if that happened."

"Derek, I –"

"And finding you digging in the dirt like that. I can't get that image out of my head –"

"Derek –"

"And I hate myself for not finding you sooner, for not telling you sooner that I-"

"DEREK!" Spencer yelled, finally gaining the older agent's attention.

Tentatively, Spencer stood up from the edge of the bathtub and reached forward, grasping Derek's forearm. Hesitantly, he looked into his friend's eyes and whispered a barely audible plea. "In one sentence Derek, what are you trying to say."

Spencer's voice echoed off the tiled walls of the bathroom before descending into a silence that was thick with both tension and apprehension. Both agents were staring each other down, and it seemed like an eternity before Derek finally uttered the words that he had been wanting to say for so long.

"I think I have feelings for you Spencer that don't quite belong in the friend zone anymore."

**A/N: Sorry about that ending. ;) I'm not sure if I should leave off here or carry on? Even though I feel this story needs to be told I know there are quite a few like this out there and I think maybe people are getting bored with the idea? Anyway, I hope whoever read this enjoyed it! Peace.**


	3. Burning embers, smouldering flame

**Burning embers, smouldering flame**

**A/N: I got such an awesome response from the last chapter that I just had to write more! Thank you so much to everyone who read, favorited and alerted and of course to my lovely reviewers! I never understood how much reviews meant toan author until I relied so heavily on them for feedback and encouragement, so please don't feel shy to drop a review! Lol. Especially because I'm so unsure about this chapter!**

**Special thanks go to: NCISCMFAN; omgnotagain; the Celt; Evie Antorcha; St Bridget and my two Guest reviewers for their lovely reviews. Shout out to Ray Ray for checking my spelling and my LLM for her support!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Criminal Minds the rating would probably have to be higher for a few choice scenes ;)**

"_I think I have feelings for you Spencer that don't quite belong in the friend zone anymore."_

There were some things that even Spencer Reid could never quite understand.

He studied human behaviour, but he didn't understand how a mother could kill their own child in cold blood. He had read religious texts pertaining to almost every belief system, yet he couldn't understand hate war and how so many people let it happen. He could tell you every sign, symptom and fact about schizophrenia, but he couldn't explain exactly how it tore his mother away from him.

He could even tell you that silence, is in fact, not heard, but is rather a perceived sound of varying frequencies emitted by the outer hair cells of one's cochlea, usually because of damage or prolonged exposure.

But even with this knowledge, even with this reasoning, he could not tell you why, right here, in a dingy bathroom of a dank motel in Georgia, right now, this sound was suddenly deafening. He could not explain to you how an auditory sensation such as silence was preventing him from performing a physical function, like breathing. He could not explain to you that he was having what people commonly referred to as an 'out of body' experience, or that the bathroom he was standing in had morphed into a thousand sordid images.

No, there were actually quite a few things that Spencer Reid could never quite understand, and his friend's confession was most certainly one of them.

"I think I – "Spencer began. "I think I – "He closed his eyes and lent a steadying hand on the sink beside him. "I think I need to sit down." He finally stated, though he made no move to solidify the act.

Spencer's breathing thrummed within the confined space like a heartbeat. Derek weighed each breath like the ticking hands of a clock even though he had no idea as to how much time was being passed. As worried as he was about his friend's physical condition, he couldn't help but be slightly relieved that his friend was too busy trying to regulate his own breathing to take note of Derek's own.

He was petrified. Truly petrified as to what Spencer's full reaction to his statement was going to be, to the point where he himself was gasping for oxygen. He'd heard about people's declarations of love taking their breath away, but this was just plain ridiculous. Standing in this tiny bathroom now, practically holding up his friend, Derek couldn't help but be disappointed by his reaction. Granted, Spencer had just been through an ordeal, and Derek's timing could most definitely have been better, but he supposed a great part of his mind hoped for the stereotypical reciprocation that belonged in most romance movies.

Still, Spencer hadn't outright slighted him yet and he prayed that even if his friend didn't feel the same way that they'd be able to move past it and stay as close as they had managed to become. Derek couldn't stand the thought of Spencer viewing him differently, of shying away from him in disgust…

But his friend had yet to remove his hold on the older agent's forearm, and even though he was less than what could be considered lucid, Derek supposed that that was a good sign.

"Spencer?" He enquired, putting his spare hand on his friend's shoulder as he did so. "You okay?"

Spencer's eyes snapped open and Derek physical recoiled at the anger he found there.

"Am I _okay_?" Spencer hissed. "You drop a bomb like that on me at the worst possible time and you ask if I'm _'okay'_?"

"Look, Spencer, I'm really sorry. I know the timing's not right and I could have been a bit more tactful, but I –"

"A bit more _tactful_? How could you be so tactless?!" Spencer all but yelled, his grip on his friend's arm tightening painfully. "You find me, holed up in a bathroom after been abducted and tortured, trying to get a fix," Derek visibly winced at that part, "and then you say something like that to me! Something to confuse my already confused mind!"

Furrowing his eyebrows in determination, Derek stared Spencer right in the eye and prepared himself for the conversation they were about to have. His timing may have been terrible, but he had started them on this road and he was determined to have them travel it by the time the sun came up. Come morning he would have his answer. Come morning he would know.

"There's nothing to be confused about." Derek stated calmly, a slight hint of irritation tinging his tone; _boy was the exhaustion starting to get to him. _"You either feel the same way or you don't. Simple as that."

Spencer gaped at him, his mouth open and his expression flabbergasted. _"Simple as that?" _He echoed incredulously. "Simple as that?! In case you haven't noticed Derek, but nothing about this," he gestured wildly to the surrounding room, "is simple!"

"Well good, because I wasn't talking about this," Derek said, gesturing to the room the way Spencer had just done, "I was talking about _this._" He indicated between him and Spencer, their connected arms, and the space between them that had seemed to shrink throughout their tirade without either party noticing.

When he noticed the way he was clutching onto Derek's forearm Spencer instantly recoiled, trying his best to let go of the offending limb in a manner that suggested that he was being burnt by it. But the older agent was having none of that.

"No, I'm not letting go until I'm positive that you can stand on your own and that you're not going to literally try and make a dash out of that door."

"Are you for real right now Derek? Make a dash out the door? I can't even stand on my foot! And even if making a break for it was on my mind, I think I know better than to try and barge past something that's double my weight in pure muscle."

"Well fine then. How about you just sit down, take a few calming breaths and – "

"Derek I'm tired."

"What?"

Spencer sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. When he moved his hand away and looked up at Derek, the dark-skinned agent could see that his friend's eyes were red rimmed and glazed with exhaustion, and he instantly felt bad for offloading his dirty little secret onto an already tired and weary Spencer Reid.

"I'm tired and I want nothing more than to go back to bed. I just… I can't deal with this now on top of everything else, and I know I'm being unfair to you, I do. Believe me had this been any other time my response would be totally different. But I'm just so overwhelmed at the moment and I… I'm sorry, I just… I don't even know."

"Hey Spencer." Derek said, urging his friend to look at him by grasping his shoulder. "I get it, okay. No explanations needed. You've been through a lot and right now you look like a poor rendition of the Walking Dead." He felt something glow within him when Spencer let out a slight chuckle at that. "We have plenty of time to deal with all of this starting from tomorrow and when we get back home."

Slowly, Spencer felt the tension leak away from his tired body. He was so beyond relieved that his friend wasn't mad at him and that he wouldn't be pressed for an answer that very instant. Truthfully, he knew exactly how he felt; the problem was finding the energy and emotional willpower after everything that had happened to be able to perfectly articulate it. Already Spencer was regretful of Derek's poor timing, but with the promise of sleep and a flight home tomorrow he was starting to feel better and hopeful at the prospect of things to come.

"Just answer me one thing though." Spencer huffed in annoyance at his companion. The man was anything if not persistent. "What would your response have been? Had this been any other time?"

"Derek! God damn, why can't you just be patient and let me work through this? Would you just quit trying to force a precise answer from me tonight!"

"I'm sorry man, but I figure if it's what I want to hear then the timing wouldn't actually matter, the response would be the same. But I get it; you don't feel the same way. That's okay. We'll just forget I said anything and – "

"Oh for the love of God Derek of course I feel the same way! For someone who not five seconds ago ragged me about being dense you are being undeniably stupid."

"You – I – what?"

"Did I stutter?"

"Well, no but I – I mean why are you so agitated?"

"I'm agitated _Morgan _because I'm shaking like a leaf and every single inch of my skin is itching and talking about feelings is pretty much the last thing I want to be doing right now! Apparently you like me and I like you. There I've said it. I'm agitated because I'm uncomfortable. Why am I uncomfortable? Because I've always harboured _something _for you, but I'm not dumb enough to actually believe that you are genuinely interested in me. I don't know what game you're playing here Morgan but I'm really not in the mood for it. So actually, yes, I'm going to take you up on that offer. Let's just go to bed and when we wake up tomorrow morning we'll act like none of this ever happened."

And with that Spencer snatched his arm from Derek's grasp and hobbled determinedly from the bathroom.

Derek stood for what he assumed to be minutes in the tiny bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He couldn't believe what Spencer had just said and he found himself surprisingly hurt at his words even though he knew that by all rights he should be happy. Spencer had just admitted to him that he felt the same way. His feelings were reciprocated. But he couldn't be happy knowing that Spencer thought he was just taking him for a ride. _Is that really what he thought of him?_

Suddenly anger, white and hot boiled over from somewhere deep within him, and it was all Derek could do to keep from yelling out in frustration. Instead, he turned on his heel and barged into the adjoining bedroom.

"Is that really what you think of me?" Derek demanded of the prone form lying on the bed.

Spencer sighed tiredly and didn't even turn to face his friend or open his eyes when he answered. "Derek, would you please just let this go?"

"No Reid I can't just let it go, because if that's what you truly think of me then we have a problem that's been brewing for a while now. Do you honestly think that I'm the kind of guy who would play with your feelings and mess with your vulnerability as an idea of a good joke?"

Spencer pushed himself so that he was leaning on his elbows. He needed to get a better view of the older agent and gauge exactly what was happening with him emotionally. He didn't notice that the movement opened one of the many gashes on his chest and that a thin trail of blood began to leak down his side.

"Of course you wouldn't intentionally do that –"

"I sure as hell wouldn't do it unintentionally either!"

"Morgan… Derek, you have to understand, my entire life has been built upon situations like this, and whether people do it willingly or not I always end up the butt of every joke. I'm not saying this to be self-pitying I'm saying this because it's the truth. You're one of the good guys Derek; I wouldn't put it past you to tell me in my moment of need that you had strong feelings for me just so that I'd feel the need to fight, to get better faster."

"So let me get this straight. Your theory is that I said what I did, not because I meant it, but because I wanted to make you feel better and ensure that you had 'a reason' to keep fighting and get healthy again?"

"In a nutshell, yes."

"You're an idiot Spencer Reid." Derek said sadly, before retreating back into the eerie glow of the bathroom.

Spencer dropped back against the bed and brought his arm to his head to cover his eyes. Sighing internally, he squeezed them shut and wished for nothing more than the sun's first morning rays to shine through the window. At least then he'd be able to get back home, to his own apartment where he would be met with nothing but sweet silence and ample time to sit down and sift through all the thoughts that were turning around in his brain. He'd be able to think back on the last couple of days with what he hoped would be an objective perspective, as well as try and figure out exactly what had transpired between him and Derek in this motel and what it all meant. He'd appreciate that time to think back on his reactions and how they seemed to be making everything much, much worse…

He was pulled from his internal ramblings by the sound of something being placed on the bedside table next to him, the accompanying sloshing sound telling him it was filled with water.

Cracking his eyes open, Spencer saw a medium-sized plastic basin sitting on the table beside him and Derek returning from the bathroom with two towels in his hand.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked.

"You're bleeding."

Looking down, Spencer saw that Derek was right and he hastily sat up, trying not to let anymore of his blood leak onto the bed.

"Just stay still." Derek murmured, as he placed one of the towels in the warm water and wrung it out.

"Where did you even find that?" Spencer asked, gesturing towards the basin.

Derek shrugged noncommittally and answered, "It was under the sink." As if that was the most casual thing in the world.

Nodding silently Spencer watched as his friend brought the towel to his chest and began dabbing at one of the numerous wounds there, his throat suddenly dry.

Derek's proximity combined with the weight of their earlier confessions, had Spencer shifting uncomfortably where he sat. Suddenly feeling far too exposed without his shirt on and with all his injuries out in the open for his friend to see.

"Derek you don't have to – "

"Shush."

"Really Derek, it's fine, I can just – "

"Spencer." Derek warned, as if admonishing a small child. "No."

Spencer snapped his mouth shut and lowered his head, determined to count back from one thousand to distract himself until it was over.

His body, however, had other ideas. He couldn't focus long enough on his mental mathematics to get beyond a single number in the nine hundreds and so, letting out a frustrated breath, he resigned himself to just relaxing into his friend's touch and letting his mind wander.

Feeling goose bumps rise where the water left cold trails against his skin as it dried, Spencer couldn't help the blush that tinged his pale skin. This situation was so absurd and he supposed that he would have been happy at the thought of it at any point in time before the entire Tobias Hankel fiasco, but now he was just confused. Confused and vulnerable, and he hated the thought of the object of his affection seeing him at his weakest – covered in bruises and in obvious emotional turmoil, blushing furiously like some common schoolgirl. This is how he knew Derek wasn't being serious, that he was just humouring him. For him to have feelings for Spencer… it just didn't make _sense, _it just didn't –

"You mind telling me what you're thinking about that has you so worked up Pretty Boy?"

Derek's voice startled Spencer out of his reverie, and he visibly jumped in surprise. Looking up, he met his friend's eyes and found them filled with nothing but concern. He suddenly felt beyond ashamed, and he had no idea as to why.

"I'm sorry Derek."

The older agent frowned in confusion, noting the change in his best friend but not quite understanding what caused it.

"Sorry for what Spencer?"

Spencer shook his head and quickly put his head in his hand as he released a shaky breath. _Oh god, as if he wasn't being humiliating enough, now he had to cry like a five year old on top of it._

"Hey." Derek said, as he grasped the hand that was covering his friend's face. "Sorry for what?"

Spencer merely shook his head no again and tried to pry his way out of his friend's grasp.

"Uh uh." Derek reiterated. "Sorry for what?"

"Everything. Nothing. I don't know, anything?"

Derek removed his hand and sat back on his haunches, observing the sight before him. It was obvious that Spencer was distressed, but for some reason it seemed like it was because of so much more than just Derek admitting his feelings for the young agent. He had always known that Spencer had had a lot to deal with in his life, but tonight, more than ever, the parallels between the two had never been more evident. Spencer's eyes were ghosted with so much pain from the past that it physically hurt Derek to think that, because of Tobias Hankel, more was going to be added to their depths.

The one good thing about the entire situation, however, was that it only served to solidify how Derek felt, and even though he had practically had to coerce Spencer into admitting it, he knew that he felt the same way, and that was the bulk of the battle fought. Now his friend just needed to get better, to recover from Georgia and become that unique glow of light that he once was. The candle that was bright enough to light an entire room, no matter how common or average it appeared to be at first glance.

Moving slowly, so as not to startle his companion, Derek lent forward and grasped his friend's face. He was surprised when Spencer reciprocated and moved his hands to clutch at either one of Derek's elbows, opting to keep his eyes closed.

"I know you've had to deal with a lot." Derek began. "And I'm not just talking about the last couple of days either. What I feel for you is not my idea of a joke or a way to get through to you to make you feel better. I have never been more serious about anything in my life than I am about this right now. That is something that I need you to know, because if you're going to take away anything from this, I want it to be that. You hear me?"

Spencer's only response was an exhalation of a shaky breath that made it painfully obvious that he was fighting back tears, but also that he was listening to every word Derek said with his utmost attention.

"I know that what I'm feeling is real, and I know that you feel it too. But I also know that you've just been through an ordeal and that this is the last thing that you need to be sitting on your plate. I'm not abandoning you, but I am willing to let this go for the time being until you get better. Until you move past this. I'm not pulling a disappearing act. I'm going to be with you every step of the way whether you want me or not and when the time is right we'll revisit this conversation, and not a second before. Okay?"

Spencer's nod of agreement was so slight that Derek would have missed it had he not been looking for it. What he didn't miss were the tears that silently trailed their way down his friend's face and slowed to rest on the edge of his chin.

With a delicacy that surprised even himself, Derek wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs and didn't for a single second break the hold he had on Spencer's face.

Staring at the translucent skin before him, mottled with bruises and marred with exhaustion, Derek knew that the road ahead was going to be a strictly bumpy one. Spencer would have many demons to face, but Derek took consolation in knowing that he wouldn't have to face them alone. That he was going to be there every step of the way and that, one day, the time would be right for him and Spencer to revisit the conversation they had in a dreary motel room, in the heart of Georgia, in the dark of the night. He had faith that somewhere, somehow, things were going to be okay.

With that last resounding thought and an undeniable smile on his face, Derek looked to his friend and uttered the words that, at the moment, he knew he most wanted to hear.

"Let's go to bed." He said. And Spencer could do nothing but comply.

**I know this is a good end point, but it seems that a few people would like me to continue and I really want to continue as well So there will be a bit of a time jump and then onwards with the next chapter!**


	4. Sooty Embers

**Sooty Embers**

**A/N: Hey guys, this note's kind of important. So I originally posted this chapter as a sequel entitled "Smouldering Flames", but then I realized that maybe my readers of this story wouldn't be aware of the sequel and I felt kind of bad for that. So I've taken the sequel down and I'm continuing everything under this one story instead. It's much easier and a lot better in terms of admin :P I'm posting two chapters in one update as a little white flag of peace to anyone who may be offended by this :$ (please don't hate me, lol). So a HUGE thank you goes out to People Person I'm Not for helping me reach this decision. The story's a little slow in the beginning due to the time jump, but I think the action at the end makes up for it ;)**

**Disclaimer: You know, every time I have to say I don't own Criminal Minds or these two boys a piece of my soul dies inside **

To say that things hadn't worked out the way he wanted them to would have been a colossal understatement.

Derek thought that things had been going well. Honestly he did. He'd said his part and in his own way, Spencer had said his. They'd established that they both felt the same way, and even though so much had happened with Tobias Hankel, and the road ahead looked decidedly bumpy; Derek felt optimistic that, given due time, things would occur naturally between them. Their relationship would grow without any sort of pressure and things would work out for the best. Spencer would get better, and everything would be okay. At least that's what he had thought, before he and Spencer finally went to bed that night in their tiny motel room in the heart of Georgia.

It was when they awoke the next morning that things seemed to crumble to dust. It was like Spencer went to bed the previous night as one person and woke up the following morning as another – a polar opposite which tore Derek's heart in two. To see the physical form of the man he had decided he loved but not recognise the soul within it hurt more than Derek had the capacity or the words to describe.

Spencer had not said a word to him as they packed their meagre belongings, nor when Derek drove him to the hospital. The only time he made his voice known was when he realized that his friend was not taking him to the landing strip but rather the emergency room. In all the time that Derek had known him, he had not seen the kid overreact the way he did. He made such a scene about being checked out at the hospital that Derek had had to pull over on the side of the road so that he could blow off some steam. As soon as Spencer realized his argument was falling on deaf ears he crossed his arms and spoke not another word to the older agent. Derek still shook his head at the memory of his friend behaving like such a child.

He had hoped that Spencer's outburst would have made all the difference in his temperament, but it had only seemed to make matters worse. Spencer had stormed into the emergency room, as best he could with his battered foot, and had been so overtly rude to the doctors and nurses attending to him that Derek could do nothing but gape at him in perverse astonishment. This was not the Spencer Reid he knew, and it was the first time that he openly admitted to himself that perhaps the emotional wounds left behind by Tobias Hankel had more of an impact on his friend than he previously thought.

Spencer had not allowed the doctors to tell Derek anything, reciting every law regarding patient/doctor confidentiality to the point where he had the entire emergency room walking around him on eggshells for fear of a lawsuit. He listened to his homecare instructions with an impatient ear, filled out his prescriptions at the pharmacy to make his doctors happy and left without batting an eyelid. He infuriatingly ignored Derek's questions regarding his prognosis and outright slighted him when the older agent offered both his assistance and his home for Spencer's recovery. Having had enough of his attitude, Derek had sighed audibly and focused his eyes instead on the road before him. The rest of the drive was spent in absolute silence.

The entire team was waiting for them upon their arrival at the airstrip and it was the entire team that was disappointed by Spencer's lack of response to their hugs, pats on the back and concerned questions regarding his wellbeing. The most he gave any of them was a non-committal "I'm fine" before making his way onto the jet without another word or waiting for any of his friends to join him. They had all looked to Derek for answers, but he merely shrugged and climbed the jet steps after Spencer, quickly finding his favourite chair and putting his headphones on with the volume as loud as it could go. He hated that the team was looking to him for answers, because in all honesty, he was searching for those very answers himself. He was beyond frustrated at his friend's behaviour but even more so with himself, because he had absolutely no idea how to deal with the situation or even how to approach Spencer to attempt to make things even slightly better for the young agent.

And so Derek did what every single member on the team did. He acted like nothing had happened and that everything was fine.

By the time the plane landed, Derek had thoroughly convinced himself that Spencer was fine, just a little tired, and that after a weekend of well-deserved rest he would walk through the doors of the BAU, spouting off some or other random statistic with a cup full of diabetes-inducing coffee and an awkward smile to boot. So thorough was his internal argument that he didn't even blink when Spencer hailed a taxi and climbed in without even a backwards glance to the rest of the team. He didn't dwell too long on the fact that when Spencer returned to work he was uncharacteristically silent. He drank whatever was placed in front of him so long as it was heated, and he did not smile; not even when a passing intern cracked a Star Trek joke that only Spencer would understand.

No, Spencer Reid was most definitely _not _okay, because something _had _in fact happened, no matter how much the team denied it. Something terrible had happened to their resident genius and their denial only served to worsen the situation. The problem was that none of them saw it, or rather they saw it, but chose to ignore it because if you don't confront a problem it will surely go away. Right?

But it soon became obvious that the problem was not going away. In fact, it had only seemed to have gotten worse, Derek mused.

Upon his return, the team was thrust into the midst of a case concerning the deaths of African American teenage girls. The crimes were shadowed with swastikas and initially believed to be hate crimes due to the girl's race, but in all actuality, it was merely the crimes of a man scorned, and the girl's had in fact been targeted due to their singing voices.

Spencer had been distracted the entire case. He seemed to flinch whenever he was confronted with crime scene photos, especially those depicting the dead, and he disappeared into bathrooms more than what was considered appropriate – even with the amount of coffee he drank. One moment he was as silent as could be, offering no input or valuable statistics, and the next he would audibly be analysing every piece of evidence and setting the team on the right path to solving the case. It was in these moments that Derek decided that Spencer brought new meaning to the word 'bipolar' and that his mood swings were severe enough to leave Derek's head pounding from the whiplash.

Despite Spencer's behaviour during the case, Derek once again built up his hopes on the plane ride home, when he had finally had enough and asked Spencer if he was okay. After Spencer's initial defence mechanism of hurling verbal abuse at Derek, the older profiler finally thought they were getting somewhere when Spencer began to open up to him, explaining how it was the crime scene photos that did him in and expressing his worry at being able to do his job. After soothing his worries and letting him know that he was there for him, Derek thought that they were finally on the road to recovery, but Spencer once again pulled a disappearing act as soon as the plane landed and Derek hardly saw him until their next case cropped up not two days after the one prior.

Alarm bells first sounded in Derek's head when Spencer arrived late to the case briefing, but more alarming than his tardiness was the fact that Spencer did not apologise or try to look even remotely apologetic. The older agent's worry increased tenfold on the jet on their way to Houston when Spencer not only snapped at Emily but also seemed to ignore the other members of the team, as well as Hotch's warning regarding the high crime rate of Houston's "Fifth Ward" that they would be working in.

Derek had thought that, despite all of this, Spencer was somehow doing okay. He had mapped out a pretty accurate geographical profile, and although he was clearly agitated and restless, he was doing his job and getting his work done. They had figured out who the unsub was, as well as his motive, and although the case did not have a happy ending, it had thankfully been closed and the team could relax. They were only due to leave the following day, as the jet had certain mandatory maintenance to undergo, which was how Derek Morgan currently found himself sitting in his hotel room, reliving the past few days with his full attention.

He was snapped out of his reverie by the harsh sound of someone knocking on his door. Derek got up from his bed and made his way over to the door, checking through the peep hole before opening it.

"Hey Emily, what are you doing out of bed this time of night?" He said not unkindly, but being sure to let his weariness show.

"It's not _that _late Morgan." She laughed, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It's only ten o'clock."

"Is it? It feels much later…"

"Yeah it does. I guess getting this case so close to the last one kind of tired us all out huh?"

"You could say that." Morgan sighed. _That and worrying about other things... _"Is there anything you needed Emily?"

"Oh! Yes, sorry." She smiled meekly. "I, um… I was wondering if you knew where Reid was? We got into something a little heated the other day down at the homeless shelter and I was hoping to talk to him about it? You know, clear the air with him before we got back home?"

Before Derek even knew what was happening he had such an intense feeling of dread buried within the pit of his stomach that he struggled to maintain his composure enough to finish his conversation with Emily.

"Not since we were at the final crime scene. He left before any of us and mumbled something to me about taking a shower and turning in early." Derek barely managed to whisper. "Is he – " Derek swallowed thickly. "Is he not in his room?"

"Nope." Emily replied. "Already tried his door, there's no answer." Seeing the look on Derek's face she felt compelled to continue. "I wouldn't worry about it Morgan. He probably went to sleep right after his shower and woke up a little while later, only to realize that he didn't want to eat this crappy hotel food. There's a couple of take-out places across the road. He's probably ordering from one of them as we speak." She finished with a smile, completely reassured with her reasoning, but Derek knew better.

"Yeah, you're right." He said, as he plastered on his well-rehearsed fake smile. "He probably just needs the alone time too." He finished lamely.

"I definitely agree." Emily half laughed. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at the jet." She said as she turned to leave.

"Wait, Emily."

"Yes?"

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened between you and Reid?"

"Oh." She said dejectedly. "I don't really want to get into it… but uh… when we interviewed the woman in charge at the homeless shelter, Reid was a little… well, what I believed to be unprofessional and not very empathetic. So I approached him about it once we were outside after the fact and he just… completely shut me down. I don't really think it's my place to repeat exactly what was said, but let's just say that it wasn't pretty, and I'd feel a lot better if we managed to get the dust settled. So if you see him, will you tell him I'm looking for him?"

"Of course Emily." Derek replied, his fake smile perfectly in place but the dread in his stomach rapidly growing.

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow." She said, before turning and making her way back to her own hotel room.

Derek closed the door to his room and lent his forehead against it, breathing in deeply. This was bad. This was very, very bad. No, it was beyond bad, it was catastrophic. Spencer was alone, in god knows which part of the Fifth Ward in the middle of Houston, somewhere in Texas. He was alone late at night in an area renowned for its crime and gang activity and the worst part was that Derek had no idea how long he had been gone for. Had he left soon after returning to the hotel? Had he even come back to the hotel from the crime scene? Was he across the road like Emily said? Somehow Derek doubted the last one to be true…

But Spencer was alone, possibly in danger, and Derek was worried. No, he wasn't just worried, he was petrified, but more than that he was beyond furious – with both himself and Spencer. Spencer for being an idiot and wandering off on his own, and himself for not doing something sooner and preventing something like this from happening.

He groaned and rammed his fist against the door in frustration. He had no idea what his plan of action was going to be, but he knew he had to act fast. His head was spinning, wondering what on earth possessed Spencer to go off alone at night. _What the hell was the kid doing that warranted that kind of behaviour? _And just like that everything clicked into place for Derek, and he had to bite back his yell of frustration at his own stupidity.

It was so _obvious_! How had he not seen it before? Sure he had smashed that one vial all those nights ago in Georgia, but he hadn't actually checked Spencer's person for any more, assuming that since Spencer had asked him to destroy the vial that it was his entire stash. How naïve! It was typical addict behaviour and in his traumatized state Spencer had still managed to outsmart Derek, to lull him into a false sense of security. Well, he was a genius after all.

But Spencer's mood swings, his erratic behaviour and his sarcastic, biting comments. The fact that he wouldn't fill Derek or the rest of the team in on what his prognosis was at the hospital. It all pointed to one thing and yet Derek hadn't seen it. No, he knew as soon as he thought it that it was a lie. He had seen it, but he chose to ignore it, hoping with all hope that the problem would sort itself out and that it would go away.

But where had that gotten them? Spencer was now trudging around the Fifth Ward desperately seeking a dealer for a fix and Derek could have stopped it. If he had just done something sooner and not allowed Spencer to push him away this situation wouldn't even be happening!

Derek really didn't know what to do. He knew which areas to search from his own experiences back in Chicago, but it all depended on Spencer's drug of choice, and it pained Derek to admit that he didn't even know what that was. No, going after Spencer would be futile, especially since he had no idea how long he'd been out and he wasn't entirely familiar with the area. The best plan of action would be to wait him out for a couple more hours, and if he hadn't returned by midnight then alert the team and perhaps get a search party going. _Spencer would love that. _Derek thought sarcastically, but at this point he really didn't care. His nerves were completely frazzled and the only thing stopping him from going to Hotch right that very second was the threat of Spencer losing his job should their superior find out. Derek knew that this job meant everything to the younger agent, and that losing it would probably be the one thing to set him on a one-way path to damnation.

No, he would have to wait it out as long as possible, no matter how much it pained him.

With that last, resounding thought, Derek sat down on his bed and prepared himself for his silent vigil. He didn't turn on the television in his room for fear of not hearing Spencer's return, and he thanked whatever being lay above for giving him the room opposite the younger agent's. If he was silent enough he would hear Spencer at his door, and he would fully utilise that prime opportunity to pounce.

Ten minutes ticked by and then ten more. Soon half an hour had passed then an hour and then an hour and a half. Derek felt himself becoming more and more tense with each passing second, until eventually at five minutes to twelve his entire body was as rigid as a plank of wood. He was going to have to tell Hotch. He was going to have to let the team in on everything. He was going to have to betray Spencer's trust and tell them everything that had happened. He –

The sound of someone fumbling for their room's key card across the hall reached Derek's ears, and before he even knew what he was doing he had flung himself off of his bed and out of his door at an imperceptible speed.

The shock of Derek's drastic appearance made Spencer freeze, his hand with his key card hovering over the door handle. He peered at Derek over his shoulder, and although he had his body well-trained to exude a relaxed stance despite the fact that he looked worse for wear, the fear that shone in his eyes hinted that he was anything but.

"You're out late." Derek eventually said.

Spencer shrugged nonchalantly, brushing Derek off, and turned to resume entering his room. The way he had his messenger bag clutched in a death grip didn't fail to escape Derek's notice.

The familiar acquiescing beep of the door sounded in the hallway and Spencer had both opened his door and entered it before Derek could blink. It would seem that he knew exactly what the older profiler's intentions were.

Derek stepped up to the door and had his foot blocking the threshold before Spencer could even think to close the door.

"Can I help you?" Spencer demanded with an irritated huff. He was hiding behind the door and had his eyes trained stoically on the floor.

"You can invite me in." Derek answered, pasting on his best smile.

Spencer snorted. "Not likely Morgan."

His smile dropped. "Why not?" He demanded.

"Because I'm tired and I'm going to bed."

"If you're so tired why were you out so late?"

"It's none of your damn business Morgan!"

"Why are you getting so irritated?" Derek probed. By annoying Spencer he had him right where he wanted him to be, just a little more and he'd hit the jackpot.

"I'm not irritated!" Spencer yelled.

"You're screaming half the hotel down, seems to me like you have something to hide."

"I have nothing to hide, and let me guess; you want me to prove it to you by inviting you in?"

Bingo.

"You know me too well kid." Morgan smirked.

"I shouldn't have to invite you in for you to believe me Derek." Spencer whispered sadly. He seemed so genuinely sincere that had it not been for Emily's earlier revelation Derek would have almost believed that Spencer wasn't, in fact, up to no good. Almost.

Seeing that Derek was neither going to reply to his statement nor remove his foot from the threshold, Spencer sighed in defeat and opened the door wider, allowing the older agent in.

"Thanks kid." Morgan preened, patting Spencer's shoulder as he allowed himself in.

The younger agent could do nothing but huff in dejected annoyance as he closed the door behind his older counterpart. This was going to be beyond uncomfortable.

Derek was immediately put on alert when Spencer turned around to face him, his posture full on defensive.

"So." Derek said.

"So." Spencer repeated, his eyes giving nothing away.

"Where were you?"

"Do you know who my mother is Morgan?"

Derek felt his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. What kind of a question was that? "Uh… I… what?"

"Do you know who my mother is?" Spencer repeated calmly.

"Uh… Diana. Diana Reid?"

"Exactly." Spencer cooed in mock congratulation. "So since you know of my mother's existence and even the specifics of who she is, I really don't need you to fill that role now do I?"

Derek gnashed his teeth together in annoyance. He hadn't been in the room for five minutes yet and already Spencer was grating on his nerves. The attitude that the kid had developed was beyond infuriating, and Derek had to keep reminding himself that it was only the result of a much, much bigger problem.

"I'm going to let that go." Derek said eventually.

"How big of you."

"Reid…" Derek warned. "I'm only going to tolerate so much."

"I really wouldn't want to put you out." Spencer replied easily. "I'm pretty sure it's exhausting having to _tolerate _me. So here, I'll do you a favour," Spencer said as he opened the door, "and offer you an out."

"I neither want nor need an out Spencer. I'm staying."

"Let me rephrase that. Get out."

"No."

"Morgan." Spencer said shortly. "I wasn't asking."

"I don't _care._" Derek hissed. "I told you in Georgia that I wouldn't abandon you and I meant it."

"Too bad you couldn't remember that the days after." Spencer said without thinking.

"What was that?" Derek demanded, the volume in his voice rising rapidly.

"Forget it." Spencer said. "It was a stupid thing to say. I don't even know what I meant by it."

"You see Reid, that's where you're wrong. I think you know exactly what you meant by it, so why don't you explain it to me?"

Spencer hastily closed the door at Derek's continued increase in volume.

"Could you _please _keep it down?" Spencer hissed.

"Why? So we can keep on pretending like nothing's happening?"

"Don't you try and pin the false pretences on me Derek Morgan, I'm not the one who turned a blind eye after Georgia."

"Aha!" Derek bellowed. "So you _did _mean something by it!"

Spencer ran a hand through his hair tiredly. "Derek can we please not discuss this now?"

"No Spencer, now is actually the perfect time to discuss it. I'm not going to apologize for anything that happened in that motel room in Georgia," Derek saw a flash of something in Spencer's eyes at that statement, "but I will apologize for going back on my word and leaving you to deal with things on your own. It's just that I was… no, I still am at a loss of what to do."

Spencer looked up at him then, confusion written all over his features. Derek took a step towards the younger agent and continued. "You did like a total one-eighty on me Spencer and I'm worried about you man. You want to talk about false pretences? I'm not the only one at fault for trying to pretend that things are fine when they're not. You're just as much to blame for that as anyone on the team and you know it."

Spencer looked ashamed at Derek's last comment, but still he chose not to say anything. This lack of response only served to infuriate an already incensed Derek, and when he noticed the way Spencer was gripping his messenger bag like it was his lifeline the older agent decided that he had had enough.

"Aren't you going to put that down?" Derek asked pointedly, gesturing towards the messenger bag as he did so.

Spencer's entire posture went rigid and he narrowed his eyes at the older profiler. They were now playing a game of cat and mouse, both knowing what Spencer was hiding in his bag but neither willing to admit to the knowledge – or in Spencer's case the confession.

"It's fine thank you, but I really think you should be going Derek, we have to get up early tomorrow to be at the jet."

"I'm sure we'll manage Spencer, why don't you put down your bag and relax?" Derek said as he advanced slowly on his younger counterpart.

"Why don't you go back to your room so that we can both take your advice?" Spencer squeaked as he tried in vain to lengthen the distance between himself and Derek, feeling his back hit the door behind him. He was trapped. Great.

"I'm not sure that's going to work Spencer." Derek said before he lunged forwards and snatched the messenger bag out of Spencer's flailing arms.

"Derek give it back."

"What's the big deal?" Derek asked purposefully antagonizing his friend. "If you have nothing to hide then there's no problem."

"Have you ever considered, for just even a single second, _Derek, _that perhaps you're crossing some sort of line. There's this thing called privacy, and did you know that in the United States of America it's a right!"

"Actually I did know that." Derek replied easily, jumping out of Spencer's reach as he attempted to snatch his bag back. "But I also know that certain measures need to be taken when someone quite obviously has no regard for their safety and is quite clearly hiding something."

"I'm not hiding anything!" Spencer yelled as he pounced on the older agent and grabbed the strap of his bag.

"Then let me look in the bag." Derek ground out as he wrestled with the lanky man before him.

"No!" Spencer bellowed, pulling on the strap as he did so.

Derek's only response was to yank back on the bag harder. He was surprised at the amount of strength Spencer was exhibiting, but then again, he supposed that desperation had done more peculiar things.

"Give it to me!" Spencer hollered, heaving with all his might.

"No!"

There was the sound of stitching being ripped at its seams before the handle in Spencer's hands tore away from the rest of the bag's body. The resulting momentum caused the brown leather to fly over Derek's head and onto the floor before the two agents, its contents spilling all over the cheap carpet, effectively ending the charged tug-of-war that had been taking place for the better part of two minutes.

The room was filled with nothing but the sounds of heavy breathing, both agents' shoulders moving in sync with the exertion of their fight whilst their eyes remained locked on each other, both of them challenging.

Derek was the first to break eye contact as his eyes darted to the contents on the floor and began to roam over the items.

His breathing hitched and his stomach sunk when he found the objects of his deepest fears.

Lying nestled between his notebook and some case files lay the source of both Spencer's salvation and his damnation.

Spencer sprung into action when he saw his friend's recognition. Hastily he began to pack the items into his bag once again. _Please God, please let him not have seen. _But even as he repeated the silent mantra Spencer knew it was futile. Derek had seen the syringe, he had seen the vials. He knew. _Oh God, Derek knew._

He continued to pack his bag without looking up. The task was made all the more difficult by the shaking of his hands and the tears that burned the corners of his eyes and threatened to spill over. _What's going to happen now? _He idly wondered.

"Spencer." Derek said.

But the younger man only continued his frantic ministrations. Derek wondered if he had even heard him.

"Spencer." He repeated.

The younger man's movements only became more hurried, as if removing the items from sight would remove their sordid influence altogether.

"SPENCER!" Derek eventually bellowed, dropping to his knees and grasping the other man's hands in his own, stilling their movements completely.

Spencer went completely still where he sat on his knees. His head was bowed and he was hunched over to the point where his head was almost touching his hands, as if he was in a position of prayer. The irony was not lost on Derek, who squeezed the younger man's hands with his own, urging him to look up. He did not comply, too ashamed to do anything but stare at the ground.

"Spencer." Derek whispered, reaching forward to tuck a stray strand of hair behind his friend's ear. "Spencer, what have you done?"

**So there you have it! I have no idea how long I intend on making this fic. It was only supposed to be a oneshot and look how that turned out :$ so I make no promises regarding length. And sorry about the not-so-great ending, but this chapter was getting far too long and I plan on making the next one pick up on where this one leaves off **

**Again a big thank you to the following reviewers for their encouragement and feedback. This one's for you! the Celt; St Bridget; People Person I'm Not; Evie Antorcha; atem15; marcallie; smbenne2; omgnotagain; anonymous; Guest and Mia (Your reviews ALWAYS make me smile, I wish you had an account so that I could PM you!)**


	5. Smouldering Flames

**Smouldering Flame**

**A/N: Here's my white flag!**

**Disclaimer: If only I owned Criminal Minds…**

"_Spencer." Derek whispered, reaching forward to tuck a stray strand of hair behind his friend's ear. "Spencer, what have you done?"_

The silence that permeated the room was eerie. It was as if any warmth that had managed to fill the small space had suddenly seeped through the cracks, leaving Spencer and Derek in a proverbial shadow, devoid of sunlight or any sort of heat. The younger of the two shivered, though not from the cold like Derek would have thought.

No, he had shivered from the pain of his guilt, the burden of his secret and the shame that accompanied it.

Without thought but teeming with emotion, Derek moved his hand from where it lay against Spencer's temple, trailing agonizingly slowly downwards to rest at the nape of his neck, urging the young profiler to meet his eyes.

He did not comply.

"Look at me."

Spencer merely shook his head and kept his eyes downcast. Derek didn't have to be a profiler to see that he was barely holding on to his composure. Sobs threatened to burst from his thin body at any given second, and the older agent realized that it was all Spencer could do to keep himself from falling apart.

"Look at me kid." Derek said once again, gently pinching the younger's skin until; finally, brown eyes met his. "It's going to be okay. We're going to fix this."

Spencer could no longer contain himself as a surprisingly harsh laugh escaped his body. "Fix this? No Derek, I'm in too deep for that, I'm – "He stopped then, not entirely sure of what he wanted or even meant to say.

Derek watched each of his friend's emotions as they flitted across his face in clear succession. First was the bitterness, then the confusion, then there was such an overwhelming sense of sadness that Derek felt himself physically clench. But the latter emotion dropped from Spencer's face before it even had the chance to fully take root; replaced with a well-composed mask of nonchalance so carefully scripted that the older profiler knew that Spencer had worked hard at erecting these walls for a very long time now.

"Come on." Derek said eventually, hoisting Spencer up as he did so. "You're going to take a shower, calm yourself down and then you're going to come back out here and we're going to discuss this."

"Derek I really think we should just go to bed. We have an early start tomorrow and it's late and – "

"Shower. " Derek said, his tone suggesting that no argument would be tolerated. "Now."

Spencer sighed in defeat, his shoulders hunching, and accepted his fate. Dejectedly he walked into the bathroom and closed the door silently behind him.

Derek was mildly surprised that he didn't hear the sound of a lock being clicked into place. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but the simple act did more for his ego than any number of women flirting with him in a bar ever could. It showed him that, whether Spencer realised it or not, he trusted Derek; so much so that even when he was at his most vulnerable, he unconsciously ensured that Derek had a way to reach him.

It warmed the older profiler from his very core and he quickly swallowed his pride and relief before turning his gaze once again to the shoulder bag that lay broken on the floor.

He actually felt quite guilty about the state it was in, but it was a means to an end, and he would gladly rip the thing to shreds again if it meant that Spencer was getting the help he needed.

Running a hand over his head, he made his way towards the offending object. Bending down he snatched it up and immediately began to rummage through it, bypassing most of its contents until he found what he was looking for. He retracted his hand and glared at what he held in his palms. He placed the bag at the foot of his bed and listened for the sound of the shower running.

Satisfied that he could still hear the tell-tale signs of water running down the drain, Derek quickly made his way back to his own room. Hastily, he shoved the syringe and two vials into his toiletry bag and hid it in the cabinet under the sink of the bathroom before grabbing his packed go-bag and returning to Spencer's room. The entire exchange had only taken two minutes to perform, and so Derek smiled when he was once again met with the sound of the shower running in Spencer's room upon his return.

Derek placed his go-bag at the foot of the bed, before picking up Spencer's shoulder bag and repacking the remaining contents that were still scattered on the floor. He then returned to the bed and sat down to wait.

It wasn't long before he heard the sound of faucets being turned and the sound of running water being abruptly stopped. As Derek's gaze landed on the pair of pyjamas resting on Spencer's pillow, he realized that the younger agent hadn't taken a change of clothes into the bathroom with him.

Derek got up and grabbed the pair of pyjamas before walking over to the bathroom door and knocking on it softly.

"Hey kid. I've got your pyjamas out here if you want them."

The older agent heard the movement from the other side of the door stop. There was a slight pause which the older profiler took to be Spencer's hesitation, before the door opened revealing a towel-clad Spencer, his mop of wet hair hanging in his eyes.

Derek instantly averted his gaze at the sight of the younger man's naked torso, and had never been more thankful in his entire life for his darker complexion, confident that Spencer could not see the blush that was currently gracing his face.

"Thanks." Spencer murmured, reaching for the pair of pyjamas Derek held out to him.

"I… yeah, um… sure thing." He replied, turning back around hurriedly and returning to his prior position on the bed. Faintly, he heard the sound of the bathroom door closing once again but he was too preoccupied with his thoughts revolving around the man only one door over. Had Spencer – he gulped – had Spencer _smirked _at him? He had! He had actually smirked at him! Not that Derek was actually surprised. The way he was behaving as he handed Spencer his pyjamas… one could have sworn that he was trying to get up the gall to proposition the younger man or do something decidedly more shady that was somewhere along those lines.

Derek groaned audibly at the direction in which his thoughts were going. They were completely inappropriate given the situation, and if he continued to allow them to travel down that path then he too would very soon be needing to take a shower – a much colder one of an entirely different kind.

He was snapped out of his reverie by the opening of the bathroom door. He looked over at the emerging figure and studied Spencer with a frown. He was entirely too thin. The man had always been on the lanky side but now, standing before him with the bathroom light reigning down on him like a stage spotlight from behind, Spencer looked positively gaunt. He seemed to drown in his maroon plaid pyjama bottoms, and his white T-shirt which had always seemed to fit him like a glove seemed to hang off of his body like a child's primitive ghost costume on the eve of Halloween.

Spencer shifted uncomfortably under Derek's heated gaze. He danced from one foot to the other, his hands clasped firmly together in front of him and his gaze flickering all over the room except within the vicinity that Derek had seated himself in. He felt more naked now, fully dressed, than he did with nothing but a towel on around his waist.

"Come here." Derek said, patting the bedspread next to him at the same time.

Spencer looked at the spot on the bed with uncertainty before deciding that it posed no immediate threat and made his way towards it. He sat himself down, yet he seemed to perch himself as far away from Derek as the bed would allow, teetering dangerously on the edge. It didn't escape Derek's notice that the younger profiler had his arms firmly crossed over his chest, his palms resting in the crooks of his elbows, effectively hiding from sight the undoubtedly marred skin that lay beneath. _That's why he's so uncomfortable. _Derek mused. _He didn't consider long sleeves when it came to being alone in the dead of the night…_

"So." Derek began, echoing their conversation from earlier.

"So." Spencer repeated, a faint smile painting his lips as he realized they were shadowing what they had said earlier verbatim. He didn't remove his gaze from the bedspread though, staring at the putrid floral patterning as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"I don't need to ask how long." Derek stated. "I'm almost positive that you continued what Tobias Hankel started as soon as we got home. Am I right?"

Spencer swallowed thickly. "Yes." He whispered.

Derek was hoping for a more lengthy answer, but he supposed any answer that wasn't Spencer biting his head off was a good enough response for the moment.

The older agent nodded knowingly and continued. "What I don't know is how much."

Spencer startled and looked up at him with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "W-what?"

"I don't know how much you've been taking." Derek reiterated. "Or how often."

"Oh." Spencer said lamely, once again looking down at the bedspread.

Seeing that his friend was not going to be forthcoming with his answers Derek probed further, hoping that he wasn't about to set the young agent off.

"I know it's hard, but that's probably one of the most important questions that I need you to answer for me."

"Why?" Spencer asked absently.

"You're a genius Spencer, you know why."

The pale-skinned man nodded solemnly. "You want to know if it's safe for me to go cold turkey or if I need medical assistance to be weaned off the drug."

"Exactly." Derek said. "Only you know the answer to that. I'm trusting you to make the right decision here kid, you know yourself better than anyone and _I_ know that _you_ know the effects of drug abuse and the dangers of not getting the right help if it's needed – "

"You're all the help I need Derek." Spencer murmured, his voice soft and thrumming with barely concealed vulnerability.

As much as Derek's heart swelled at the statement, it wasn't a precise answer, and so he ignored the response and pushed for something more substantial.

"Does that mean you don't need medical help with this? I want you to know that where we go from here is entirely up to you, but the one decision that you have no choice in making is whether or not you're going to quit. I may be out of line but I'm making that decision for you. You _are_ going to quit. I care about you too damn much to let you stumble down this rabbit hole, because once you're in deep enough you'll have no hope in hell of getting back out.

"I know…"

"Good. So then, how much do you take and how regularly?"

Spencer inhaled a shaky breath before he spoke. "I'm not sure..." He started, and he felt compelled to continue at the disbelieving look on the older man's face. "Really Derek I'm not!" Composing himself he carried on. "When we first got home I didn't take anything. Between you at the motel, the doctors and nurses at the hospital and the team on the jet I didn't really have much of a chance to take anything. I guess everything was happening so fast and I was running on so much adrenaline I didn't notice the withdrawal so much because there was a bunch of other things going on at the same time…"

"Wait… Tobias Hankel gave you enough that you had a withdrawal? I thought you were just on a comedown?" Derek asked, his tone barely masking his fury.

"He gave me something on a regular basis Derek, yes. It's the reason why I went into cardiac arrest, it wasn't from the shock. I overdosed." Spencer replied with a shrug of his shoulders, as if that was the most casual statement in the world.

"Damn…" Derek muttered. He followed his exclamation up with a string of mumbled curse words and something that sounded a lot like 'lucky he's dead already', but Spencer couldn't be sure. He was too tired to look into it and the relief he felt at finally being able to tell someone about his struggles seemed to mask out any sort of need for anything else.

When he noticed his friend watching him Derek mumbled an apology and told him to continue.

Spencer nodded his head and did so without hesitation. "I was fine for a little while. A couple of days really. But then… I don't know I'm not sure what happened. It's like, everything caught up with me? I'd managed to distract myself for so long and it was like I just couldn't anymore, and that was when the nightmares started…" Spencer trailed off, his eyes wide and unseeing as he stared straight ahead, almost like he was reliving each and every single terror over and over again.

"What were they about?"

"It doesn't matter." Spencer answered quickly, too quickly. "What matters is that they're the reason I started again. I just wanted to sleep… that's all it was. It wasn't even about the high, well not at first. Truthfully I initially hated the high that came with it. Tobias cut his Dilauded with a psychedelic and it made me relive things that I… well that I'd rather not have relived.

"So it's Dilauded? That's what you take?"

Spencer nodded slowly.

"Jesus Spencer, you really don't do things at half effort do you?" Derek mused, more to himself than anything else.

"Don't patronise me Morgan!" Spencer snapped.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Derek quickly relented. "I didn't mean it like that; I know you had no choice because of what Tobias Hankel chose to give you."

"Well that's not entirely true." Spencer said, and at Derek's look of bewilderment he continued. "I may not have had a choice in what Tobias did to me, but it was my choice to continue it after the fact." He inhaled another shaky breath and it seemed like the exhaustion and fatigue had suddenly caught up with him. "Look Derek to cut a long story short I don't, as people colloquially put it, 'shoot up' on a regular basis. It's when I can't sleep, or become overwhelmed or fixate on memories of the past or think about the ordeal itself that the need becomes incessant. I try my best to fight it, I've even tried going cold turkey on more than one occasion but I just can't help myself. I always cave. I'm weak like that."

"You're not weak Spencer." Derek instantly said, reaching forward and grasping his friend's bicep.

"Yes I am!" Spencer screeched, flailing his arms animatedly as he continued. "I am because even when I ran out, even after I promised myself that once I was finished with Tobias' vial that I was done for good, I still went out and found a dealer. I _still _managed to source the Dilauded! And then guess what!" Spencer continued, cutting Derek off as he began to soothe the younger agent. "I finished that vial too! Because this time it wasn't cut. This time the high was so mind numbingly beautiful I couldn't get enough of it, and that's how I ended up doing what I did tonight."

"Going out and buying more?" Derek asked, oblivious to the fact that he was not only grasping Spencer's bicep but his opposite shoulder now as well, cradling the young profiler as he began to unravel at the seams.

"Yes! You always read about addiction being this vicious circle but it never resonated with me until I was the one living it! Until I was the one who couldn't stop! Until I – until I – oh god – until I – "

"Spencer!" Derek yelled determinedly, fear crawling up his skin. Spencer snapped his eyes to meet the older profiler's. Derek expected him to break down, to have some sort of panic attack or freak out or something. _Anything. _But instead, he looked Derek right in the eyes and spoke in an eerily calm voice.

"I'm in no immediate danger if I go cold turkey."

Derek nodded his okay, he knew without a shadow of doubt that Spencer wasn't lying. "Okay."

"Derek." Spencer whispered, as if he hadn't heard the older man's confirmation. "I need you to help me."

Emboldened by his confession, Spencer reached forwards and placed his hand over Derek's heart. "Please."

Derek glanced down at the hand resting on his chest and then up at the man staring at him with glassy eyes.

Something was going on here.

Something had changed.

And before Derek even knew what was happening his eyes widened in surprise as Spencer lent forwards, his lips meeting Derek's own in a searing kiss.

**I'm evil with that ending I know ;) I'd love to get feedback from you guys as I constantly worry about characterization. I didn't want Spencer to just break down and cry or whatever, and I wanted him to make the first move because I really think that he's a lot stronger than a lot of people give him credit for. I mean he survived Tobias, anthrax, his childhood, like the list goes on. He's not weak and I don't want to depict him as such. Vulnerable, yes. Weak, no.**

**A big thank you once again to People Person I'm Not and my friend Ray Ray, for the encouragement, the spell check and most importantly the laughs.**


	6. Kindled Fire

**Kindled Fire**

**A/N: Wow this was hard to write. I didn't want to disappoint anyone and wanted it to be perfect! I really hope I was successful! Let me know what you think **

**Disclaimer: I wouldn't be suffering through my final term of Second Year University if I owned it. Believe me.**

He knew it was wrong even as he did it – as he returned it – but he couldn't help himself. Spencer was vulnerable and in no position to be making rational decisions, and yet Derek couldn't stop from raising his hands to either side of Spencer's face and deepening the kiss. He was a man possessed. He knew what he wanted, and he had wanted it for so long, _by god he had been wanting it for so long. _So longthat all thought and reason eluded him, promptly escaping him in favour of his more primal and urgent instincts.

But he forced them back down. Derek was one of the good guys, and as a good guy he was not going to take advantage of Spencer like that. He was not going to use the other man's pain as a means for him to get what he wanted. It was warranted sure, Spencer wanted it too, but not for the right reasons – not for wanting it so much as _needing it._ And that's why Derek stopped.

He sighed into the young profiler's mouth before pulling back to look at him; cradling his head in his hands.

"What's the matter?" Spencer questioned. "Don't you –"He swallowed thickly. "Don't you want me? I thought… In Georgia, I thought…"

Derek felt his stomach plummet as he realised the full ramifications of his actions. Of course Spencer would blame himself. Of course he would see it as rejection. These were the patterns of his childhood and his past, and as those doe-brown eyes, wide with fear, looked into his own Derek knew he had to do a fair amount of damage control.

"You thought right." Derek answered, caressing spencer's cheek and flashing him a winning smile. "But now's not the right time."

Spencer looked down dejectedly at Derek's answer. "You don't have to do that Derek."

"Do what?" Derek asked. Now it was his turn to look confused.

"Let me down easy. If your feelings have changed I understand. I would be scared to commit to someone with as much baggage as I have too –"

"Whoa I'm going to stop you right there Spencer." Derek cut in, loving how the younger man's head snapped up to regard him inquisitively. "My feelings have _not _changed, nor will they change." Derek answered with ease. "I meant every word I said in Georgia. I guess I didn't explain myself too well just then, so let me rephrase so you know what I meant; now's not the right time _because_ you're in a bad space. We've just spoken about the Dilauded and the impact that it's had on you and you've had a really trying day, not to mention a hellish past few weeks. I don't want to take advantage of you like that."

Seeing that the dejected look still hadn't left his face Derek sighed in defeat before muttering, "You still don't believe me do you kid?"

Spencer's lack of answer or acknowledgement that he'd even heard the older agent was all the confirmation Derek needed to know that he was right.

Inhaling a shaky breath Derek reached a decision. Even though he knew he was contradicting what he had just said, he also knew that sometimes words were not enough; and if Spencer was not going to believe him, then Derek was going to _show _him.

Mustering up as much courage as he could, Derek made his move before he lost his nerve. He trailed his hand to the back of Spencer's head, tangling his fingers in the younger agent's hair before pulling him forwards and crashing their lips together once again.

He barely heard Spencer's gasp of surprise before they made contact, and all too soon Derek felt the other profiler's mouth smiling against his own. It wasn't long after that before there was a sort of urgency between them. An unresolved need that had to be quenched; and no one was more surprised than Derek when Spencer took the initiative, growing bolder and deepening the kiss. The kid had always been shy – far too self-conscious and reserved for his own good – but now in a foreign state and a foreign hotel room – where all of this between them originally began – he seemed to come into his own, blooming into something so mystical and endearing that Derek had to strain to keep his eyes open so as not to miss a single second of Spencer's transformation.

Spencer's eyes fluttered closed the same moment his hands fisted into the front of Derek's shirt. Derek's eyes soon followed, and he was amazed at the strength at which Spencer held on to him – as if he was afraid that the older profiler would disappear should he not have a secure enough hold on him. It wasn't as if Derek minded though. He wanted to be as close to Spencer as could possibly be allowed; which is how he found himself shifting across the miniscule spare space between them, closing the distance and bumping his knee against Spencer's own.

The action seemed to startle the younger man for a moment, and as he gasped into Derek's mouth the older agent seized the opportunity and deepened the kiss, exploring his younger counterpart's mouth with the eagerness of an overexcited teenager.

He felt, rather than saw, the blush that crept into the other man's pale skin, and had to stifle a chuckle at his shyness and self-consciousness. He was both amusing and endearing all at the same time, and had Derek's mouth not been so preoccupied at that point in time he was almost certain he would have cracked a joke or made a sly comment in the hopes of seeing Spencer's blush redden.

After getting over his initial shock and shyness, however, Spencer surprised Derek by taking a fair amount of control. Although he didn't know all the details, Derek knew enough to know that Spencer hadn't had much experience; but judging from the way he was skilfully moving his tongue to the way his hands roamed over Derek's upper chest, the older agent was definitely beginning to see the perks of Spencer's eidetic memory – in the more practical sense of the skill. Who needed copious amounts of experience when you could retain pretty much everything from just one experience alone?

Derek was the first to admit that he had always been a little a confused regarding Lila Archer's interest in the youngest member of their team – never voicing his opinion of course for fear of hurting the younger agent. She was a budding socialite with what he considered to be a materialistic career focused purely on good looks and charisma. She could have had any man, and so it had baffled Derek when she had pursued Spencer; but now, being on the receiving end of one of Spencer's kisses, Derek was most definitely beginning to see the appeal.

Speaking from what he could now consider as being experience, Derek could concur that Lila Archer's attention towards Spencer had most definitely _not _been unwarranted. It didn't matter if you were a Hollywood socialite or a below the bridge tramp, when somebody's kissing was _this _good you were loath to say no. In fact, it was a word that generally escaped your vocabulary when you were being made to feel this happy. Derek supposed that this was the reason why he let things get so far in the first place – that and his conscience, which wouldn't allow Spencer to feel anything less than wanted.

Spencer's hands shifted from Derek's chest to the back of his neck, simultaneously pulling him even closer yet pushing him until he was lying flat on the bed with Spencer looming over him. Derek wanted to speak out against the escalation; really he did, but then all at once Spencer was lying on top of him and it was as if he couldn't think anymore. Yes, he knew this was a cliché, but it was the only way to describe the indiscernible fog that had descended within his brain and the overwhelming pulse of endorphin mixed adrenaline that flowed through his veins.

It was only then, with Spencer's arms crossed around his neck that Derek opened his eyes, seeing for the first time the unguarded flesh that was the insides of the younger man's brutalised elbows, as they lay in his line of sight right beside his head.

All at once the reality of the situation came crashing down on Derek like a harsh rude awakening and he pulled away from Spencer's desperate mouth, waiting for the younger man to open his eyes questioningly before he began to speak.

"This is getting out of hand." Derek said, and to ensure that Spencer knew he wasn't rejecting him he flashed his trademark smirk, insinuating that he would like nothing more than to let it get out of hand.

Spencer's only response was to flush in embarrassment at his own boldness, and when he realised the full extent of both his and Derek's compromising positions – he was practically straddling the older man for goodness sakes! – He turned positively crimson.

Derek chuckled amusedly at the antics of his best friend, loving how out of breath he was and how completely debauched he looked, but he grew silent as his gaze fell on the offending track marks once again.

Reaching out, Derek trailed his fingertips along the marred skin, tracing a pattern between each individual point of broken skin and imagining the bruising surrounding the area fade as he did so.

He felt Spencer stiffen at his touch, for some reason it seemed so much more intimate than what they had been doing before, but Derek was relieved by the fact that the younger of the two hadn't pulled away – though he had turned his head to the side, not being able to face the evidence of his addiction and the fact that it was the tell-tale signs of the extent of his use, of his dependency.

Derek realised that Spencer was breathing heavily now not because he was out of breath from what they had been doing, but because he was scared. Totally and utterly scared that Derek would be disgusted by what he saw. That he would go back on everything that he had said and leave Spencer to deal with his demons alone. That he didn't want to have to devote time to nursing someone back to health who didn't deserve the attention, who had been nothing short of awful to the older agent for weeks.

Knowing that these thoughts and thoughts similar to them were whirring within the younger profiler's head, Derek decided to put a stop to it. To bring Spencer back from the very edge of his precipitous musings and show him, not for the first time, exactly how he felt and that he was here to stay.

As Spencer began to sit back and pull away, Derek latched firmly onto his forearms and held him in place. He then lent towards Spencer's right arm and gently laid his lips on the abused skin that rested there.

He heard Spencer's breath hitch in his throat, from surprise or discomfort he did not know, before he trailed kisses along each patch of broken skin, much like he did with his fingertips, before breaking away and looking up and into the other man's eyes.

They were glazed with tears that were both unbidden and unshed, and Derek thought that perhaps he had crossed a line until Spencer smiled at him. It was sad and tentative, but it was also filled with trust and relief. It was a silent 'thank you' that words could not adequately convey.

Derek reached forwards and pecked Spencer on the lips before brushing their cheeks together and murmuring against his ear. "When we get back to Quantico, you're coming to stay with me."

It wasn't a question, and Spencer guessed as such. Before this night, he would have ranted and raved at not being given the option. He would have hurled abuse, screamed bloody murder and done absolutely everything in his power to prevent himself from being at the mercy of someone else; to prevent himself from accepting help and allowing someone to see him at his most vulnerable. Now though, now he was just relieved. The two had yet to work out the logistics between them or make any arrangements, but although nothing was definite or had been made certain he was just so _relieved _that finally, _finally, _someone was going to help him beat this and he promised himself that he would try his absolute hardest to let Derek in fully, to trust him implicitly and treat him wholly; because this man had done more for him in the past few weeks than any one person had his entire life, and even without his eidetic memory, he would never forget it.

Leaning his forehead against Derek's own he whispered out his reply. "Thank you."

Derek nodded resolutely before looking at the clock on the nightstand and back to Spencer's tired eyes. Now that he knew how late, or rather how early it was, the dark circles below the pale-skinned man's eyes seemed more prominent than ever.

"Come on." Derek said, sitting up as Spencer shifted off of him. "It's time to go to bed."

Spencer startled in alarm and Derek instantly panicked. "What? What is it?"

"Don't leave me." Came the instantaneous reply as Spencer looked down humiliated. When had he become so _needy?_

Derek's amused chuckle had him looking at the older profiler once again. "Does that look like I'm going anywhere to you?" Derek gestured towards his go-bag.

"Guess not." Spencer mumbled as he scrambled to busy himself getting ready for bed to avoid thinking about whether or not Derek would be scared off by his clinginess.

He heard Derek, too tired to be bothered to get changed for bed, remove his belt and take his phone out of his pocket as Spencer climbed into bed. He didn't realise how truly tired he was until his head hit the pillow. Not even the realisation that both he and Derek would have to share the lone double bed in the room seemed to make it past the barriers to his consciousness for him to ponder on it long enough for it to really matter. It's not like they hadn't shared a bed in Georgia after all.

The light induced redness behind Spencer's enclosed lids intensified as Derek switched on the side lamp, and then dimmed as he switched off the room's main lights. He felt the other end of the bed dip under the other man's weight, before he switched off the lamp and the redness disappeared altogether.

As he heard Derek shift to get under the blankets and into a comfortable position, Spencer felt his heart rate speed up despite his sleep-induced haze. How had he not realised before how close a double hotel bed forces two people together while he was down in Georgia?

His quickened heart sputtered and then sped up as he felt Derek's arm snake around his waist and pull him flush against his body. Spencer didn't know whether Derek felt his increased pulse or just knew him far better than either cared to admit but his breath ghosted over Spencer's neck, tickling the fine hairs that lay nestled there, before curving a path up to his ear. "Don't overthink it Spence. Just get some sleep."

As he felt his heart return to its normal rhythm he couldn't help the lazy smile that graced his face, unseen in the darkness. Yes, Derek Morgan knew him far better than he cared to admit. And as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help the glowing thought that now there were two people in his life that called him 'Spence', and that meant more to him than anyone in his world could ever begin to imagine.

**As you can see (to those who were concerned) Spencer WASN'T leading Derek on, lol, YAY! Also, if there's anything specific people want to see happen, drop a review or PM me to tell me. I kind of make this up as I go along, and although I have a general idea, I'm not entirely sure of what will happen next **

**Big thanks to: omgnotagain; A1fictiongrl; UnoriginallyAnonymous1531; my Guest reviewer and People Person I'm Not for your reviews. They really make my day as I love getting feedback and knowing that people are reading my story. So also thank you to Palmer Blu for adding this story to the community "Morgan and His Pretty Boy" and to all the people who added me to their story alerts and favourites.**

**People Person I'm Not: I was going to PM you to respond to your review but I felt bad about bombarding your inbox :P In answer to your question – Reid did go to the hospital in chapter 4 **** Morgan merely brushed on it in his 'flashback' explanation. I can copy and paste the paragraph and PM it to you if you would like **


	7. Comforting Heat

**Comforting Heat**

**A/N: Any info regarding Dialuded, withdrawal etc, is taken off the internet. It is not my own knowledge and I apologise for any inaccuracies. **

**Disclaimer: We've been through this already **** I don't own them… wish I did… now I'm depressed…**

The journey home had been uneventful – exactly the way Derek had hoped it would be.

He had woken to find Spencer still nestled within the crook of his arm, looking more peaceful than he had in weeks; since before Tobias Hankel, and Derek instantly knew that it was going to be a good day.

He had let Spencer sleep on while he had taken a shower and had then woken the younger man when he was finished. It didn't take much for him to become absolutely enamoured by the dazzling half-asleep smile he had received when Spencer had finally opened his eyes and gazed into Derek's own. _That was certainly something he could see himself waking up to every morning._

Spencer took his own shower whilst Derek gathered his things, and once he was done and had his own bags packed they made their way down to the hotel lobby, where they met up with the rest of the team and then continued on to the airstrip.

Once the plane had taken off and reached its desired altitude, each of the team members engaged themselves in their own private tasks. Gideon coerced Emily into playing him in a game of chess; Hotch and JJ were both reviewing case files, whilst Spencer had opened up a book and hungrily began to devoir the pages. He was seated across from Derek, who had promptly put his headphones on and shut his eyes – content to let his music lull him into a state of relaxation.

A fair amount of time passed before Spencer found himself face-to-face with Prentiss after she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey." She smiled nervously.

"Hey." He replied quietly, suddenly nervous about talking to her.

"Do you mind?" She asked, gesturing to the seat across the aisle that faced Spencer's own.

"Not at all."

She smiled again before seating herself in the chair and leaning across the aisle towards him, her elbows resting on her knees.

"Look Reid, I'm sorry I attacked you at the homeless shelter. I guess – "

"Emily?" Spencer murmured shyly.

She looked up at him and found that she was strangely overjoyed with the fact that she was met with a very timid and very nervous Spencer Reid – the man who she had come to know and appreciate before the 'incident'; as Tobias Hankel had come to be known.

"Please don't apologise." He continued. "I was completely out of line with what I said to the woman at the shelter, and even more so when I snapped at you. It wasn't the first time that I spoke to you poorly and I am truly sorry for having treated you like that."

She leaned over and placed her hand on top of his own. "I understand." She said simply, and he could tell by the look in her eyes, that conveyed more than her words did, that she truly did understand.

He smiled a genuine soft smile that she was quick to return.

"And of course I accept your apology." She said, before patting him on the shoulder as she rose and returned to where Gideon was seated.

No more words were needed between them.

Spencer sighed in relief, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than he had before. He turned back towards the table in front of him and began to read once again. It was only when he saw Derek push the play/pause button on his iPod that he realised the older agent had been listening to the conversation that had taken place between him and Prentiss.

Spencer looked up at him and Derek smiled, as if he was saying "_I'm proud of you kid"_. The younger of the pair merely rolled his eyes in amusement and playfully mouthed the word 'nosy' in the older man's direction.

The light chuckle that rumbled from Derek's chest let Spencer know that he got it. As his eyes flickered up to Derek's once more and he caught the mischievous twinkle in their brown depths, he realised that not only was he _not_ nervous to be going back to the other profiler's house to stay for a while, but he also found that he was actually looking forward to it – especially because he knew that there would be an abundance of sweet unknowns that he hoped his stay would bring

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

Derek supposed that he had been hoping for too much when he thought that the 'eventfulness' of the journey back home would have continued for the rest of the day and into the night.

After listening to his music on the jet for a little while, he had pulled out his laptop and had done some research on Dilauded addiction, as well as its associated withdrawal symptoms and how long the entire process was expected to last when tailored to Spencer's unique situation.

"_Withdrawal symptoms from Dilaudid can occur four to five hours after the last dose and continue for 7 to 10 days."_

That one sentence had reverberated within his skull from the very moment he had read it online. He had then spent the rest of the flight doing the mental math. Spencer had arrived at the hotel the night before around midnight, and their flight home had left promptly at 5 A.M. – something about Hotch wanting to get home to Jack and Hayley as soon as possible – which meant that five hours had already passed before they had even boarded the jet. The flight itself was an hour long, and so by the time they landed Spencer had gone six hours without taking any Dilauded – and it was starting to show.

Derek supposed that Spencer had a slightly delayed reaction time in terms of his withdrawal symptoms, simply because he himself had stated that his drug use wasn't constant and didn't occur at regular intervals. The older agent hoped that that would work in their favour.

However, the very minute the two men had arrived at Derek's house, he noticed the change.

Spencer had hardly paid attention when Derek had given him the 'grand tour' of his bachelor pad, he didn't even react when Derek's neighbour came over and dropped off the older agent's dog, Clooney, and the dog practically barrelled past Spencer in his haste to welcome his master home.

Not long after that he became extremely agitated, and Derek often found the younger profiler's eyes darting around the room, foot tapping anxiously, when he thought his fellow agent wasn't looking.

It was only when Spencer muttered something incomprehensible and hastily retreated into the sanctity of Derek's bathroom that the older agent decided that something needed to be done. He understood that Spencer was an extremely private person, but the déjà vu of these drug-induced bathroom encounters were really starting to annoy the hell out of Derek, because the only thing they allowed for was for the two agents to continually dance around the issue when they had to attack it head on – which is precisely what Derek brought Spencer to his house to do.

Resolute in his decision, and his promise to help his best friend, Derek strode over to the bathroom door, giving the wood a quick knock before opening it and allowing himself in.

He found the room in disarray, with Spencer's bag carelessly tossed to one side as the younger man lent over the basin, splashing his face with water. He had taken off his many layers and was now dressed only in his slacks and his button up shirt. His tie had been heaved over his head and thrown to the floor and his shirtsleeves were rolled up to the elbows – Spencer being too uncomfortable to care about Derek seeing the abused skin on the inside of his elbows.

He splashed his face one last time before combing his fingers through his hair – effectively slicking back the honey-coloured strands – before resting his hands on either side of the sink. He looked up into the mirror above the sink and found Derek's eyes with his own.

"You sure you want to do this?" He asked, his eyes searing with intensity. "If you want to back out now's the time. No questions asked and no offence taken."

Derek didn't even hesitate before stepping forward and clasping his friend's shoulders, effectively turning him around to face him. "I've never been surer of anything in my life." He said, as he twirled one of Spencer's curls between his fingers.

"But Derek, you don't know how it gets; it gets so much worse than this. So much worse…" Spencer trailed off, imploring Derek with his words yet looking beyond terrified at the promise of what was to come.

"I don't know exactly." Derek agreed. "But I've done my research. I've read enough to know that it's not going to be easy. No scratch that, it's going to be hell. But I also know," Derek continued, determined to rectify the dejected look that had taken over Spencer's features, "that I not only _want _to do this, but I _can _do this and I _have _to do this. Because sometimes we have to do difficult things for the people we love."

Spencer's breath hitched and his eyes widened in surprise as he looked up at Derek, startled. "Have to do d-difficult t-things for… wait, what?"

Derek chuckled at the taken-aback expression on his friend's face. For some reason he was proud of the fact that he had managed to surprise the infamous Doctor enough to actually have him engage in fully-fledged stuttering.

"That's right Pretty Boy; I dropped the L-bomb this early in our 'relationship'. Derek slurred lazily, continuing his ministrations with Spencer's hair; completely impressed with the vicious blush that his one sentence had induced on the young genius' face.

"R-relationship? L-bomb?"

Derek snorted before planting his hand on the back of Spencer's neck and leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Don't worry about it Spence, you don't have to say it back… yet." He finished with a wink, before ushering the younger agent out of the door.

"W-wait." Spencer stammered, removing himself from Derek's grasp so that he could both think and articulate clearly. "I was being serious. You know how I've been acting since Georgia? Snapping at people, being secretive, the yelling, the moping, all of that? It's going to come back in full swing. I'll try to contain it as best as I can, but it's inevitable. I don't want you to take the things I do or say seriously because I won't mean them… but when I'm actually saying them… I'm not making any sense." Spencer ground out dejectedly, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Derek made a move to reach out and comfort his friend, but Spencer continued on before he could lose his nerve.

"Derek… I'm scared you're going to think less of me by the end of this process, and instead of… I don't know growing together; I'm petrified that this will tear us apart. I'm terrified that by the end of all of this you'll hate me because the fact of the matter is, the withdrawals that result from going 'cold turkey' are possibly one the ugliest things that you will ever see. It's no joke Derek, so I'm going to ask you one more time, are you sure you want to do this?"

Derek had dropped his joking demeanour the minute Spencer began his monologue and he realised the seriousness of the situation. "I could never hate you Spence."

"Out of everything I said that's what you choose to zero in on?" Spencer asked incredulously, tucking a strand of hair that had fallen in his face behind his ear.

Derek eyed the strand longingly before closing the gap between them and grasping Spencer's face. "Out of everything you said that's what's the most important to me. My perception of you couldn't and won't change. I know we have hard days ahead of us, but yes Spencer, I'm sure I want to do this. What kind of potential love interest would I be if I just left you to suffer withdrawal alone?" Derek ended jokingly, and he was rewarded with the heart-warming sight of Spencer shyly smiling back at him. For once, Derek knew Spencer believed what he was saying.

"And in any case," Derek continued, "we have this weekend to ourselves and Hotch gave us next week off as well remember?" He strategically left out the fact that it was he who had requested that Hotch give Spencer and himself the following week off. As far as Spencer was concerned, the entire team had the following week off, a fact which both Derek and Hotch were willing to let him believe so long as he could use the time to recover; the rest would follow in due time.

"That is true…"

"So I guess the next question that needs answering, Pretty Boy, is what are we going to for the next ten days?"

Spencer had to laugh then, not used to having so much free time to himself to plan that far ahead into the future. He sobered quickly though as his thoughts returned to why he was at Derek's house in the first place.

"Umm…" Spencer began. "I'm not so sure about the days to come, but as of right now… I know it's really early in the morning… and it's probably a bit of an inconvenience –"

"Spit it out Spencer."

"Could I maybe just go to sleep? Once things get a bit more… hectic I won't be able to get much in so I should probably rest as much as I can, while I can you know?"

"Yeah I agree, and we didn't get much sleep last night so I don't think it's a bad idea for us to pack it in, even though we should technically be waking up right now." Derek smirked.

"You don't need to feel obliged to sleep just because I'm going to."

"I don't feel obliged Spence. Truth be told I'm tired too and in any case, I'd feel too guilty leaving you all alone in my bed upstairs." Derek added as an afterthought, wagging his eyebrows suggestively as he did so.

Spencer flushed immediately and looked down at his feet, embarrassed.

Derek was quick to remediate. "Unless you'd rather have the guest room of course?"

"No." spencer replied instantaneously. "Your room is fine."

Derek smiled at the soft-spoken genius who was still too embarrassed to meet his gaze.

"Well come on then." Derek slid his hand down his friend's side to grasp Spencer's own. "Let's go to bed." He smiled, and Spencer obediently followed.

**Sorry it's a bit of a filler, but it needed to be written for chronology and such. I plan on having the next chapter up On Saturday or Sunday though to make up for this one, I'm not very happy with it :/**

**Big thanks go to Palmer Blu; A1fictiongrl; irishgirl9; sue1313; omgnotagain; Mia (my lovely guest reviewer who I wish had an account so that I could PM you :P) and a huge thank you to People Person I'm Not. Seriously guys, your reviews motivate me no end and they make my day. I love getting feedback and knowing that people are enjoying the story **** Thanks also to the peeps that followed and favorited **** Also to Ray Ray for checking my spelling **


	8. Flaming Coals

**Flaming Coals**

**Sorry that it's shorter than usual. I got a little preoccupied with posting my Emily/Spencer oneshot "Battered Souls". Forgive me? Please and thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I wish, I wish, I wish I owned Criminal Minds**

Derek woke, hours later, to find himself faced with an empty bed.

He leaned over and touched the free space beside him, feeling the coldness of the sheets, their whiteness stark in the pale moonlight and mocking him with their emptiness.

Groggily, he sat up and surveyed the darkness around him; he had slept the entire day. It was obvious that Spencer wasn't in the room with him and his heart rate spiked with worry as he immediately assumed the worst. That Spencer was gone, roaming some filthy street in the heart of some hoodlum area, looking for a fix to sate his intensifying withdrawals.

It was as his thoughts took this horrifying turn that he thankfully heard it – frantic whispering and the undeniable sound of feet shuffling back and forth against his hard wood floor downstairs.

Derek got out of bed and made his way to his kitchen, careful not to trip on the stairs on his way down. Vaguely, he surmised this as being strange, but knowing Spencer he probably didn't want to turn on any lights for fear of disrupting Derek's sleep.

_Always the martyr, _Derek mused. Even when he was the one suffering withdrawal and having to contend with uncomfortable symptoms, he put Derek's well-being before his own. The older agent had decided that it was that sort of behaviour that had gotten Spencer into this mess in the first place. He had been forced to not only take care of himself, but his mother as well, from an incredibly young age. The only thing Spencer had ever known was how to go it alone, and the prospect of even asking someone else for help had probably never once entered his mind - because no one had ever offered it before.

But as Derek felt his way towards his kitchen, towards the source of the sound, he promised himself that no matter what he was going to find he was going to offer that help. Because this was Spencer and he deserved so much more than what he had and he deserved to know what it felt like to be loved. No, he deserved to be loved. Period.

Carefully, he rounded the corner and peered into his kitchen, not wanting to startle the younger agent.

He didn't see him at first. The house was so dark that even though Derek didn't know what time it was he knew it was well into the night. A flicker of movement caught his eye, and what first appeared to be a shadow turned into Spencer's lithe form under the pale light of the moon, back-dropped against Derek's sliding glass door that led to his small garden outside.

The moon beamed onto his already pale skin like a spotlight, basking him in its glow and making him look Elvin… ethereal almost; and incredibly hard to resist.

Derek stayed where he was, content to watch his friend… or was it lover now? His fascination quickly turned to despair, however, when he took in Spencer's appearance.

Whilst Derek may have slept the day away it was obvious that Spencer had barely slept a wink. He looked completely dishevelled, and under the pale light of the moon the bags beneath his eyes stood out like a harsh strobe light and highlighted the sweat that ghosted his skin.

He was pacing back and forth along the length of the sliding door, his hands furling and unfurling together, before travelling to his hair, his pants and then back together again. Derek couldn't hear what it was that he was saying, but he was whispering frantically to himself, almost like he was trying to solve a difficult equation or convince himself of his reasoning… knowing his friend, it was probably the latter.

"Spencer, you okay?"

Spencer immediately stopped his pacing and whirled around to face Derek.

"Did I wake you? I did, didn't I? I'm so sorry! I should have been more quiet! I –"

"Spence." Derek said calmly, turning the light on and walking fully into the kitchen now. "You didn't wake me, and in any case it's not me you should be concerned about. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours, what are you feeling?"

Spencer squinted his eyes at the onslaught of light and fidgeted where he stood, looking to be having an internal battle with himself.

"Hey." Derek said, coming to stand in front of him. "I know it's hard, but I need you to tell me what's happening. I can't help you if you don't."

"I… it's started."

Derek nodded. "I gathered as much."

Already Spencer looked to be on the verge of breaking down, and it worried Derek that he looked so fragile so early into his withdrawal – the hardest part had yet to even come.

Spencer eventually spoke and echoed those thoughts, almost word for word, and Derek's eyes softened at the self-doubt that his friend exuded. It was a shame that Spencer was entering into the process already convinced that he was going to fail, just like he had each time he had tried on his own. There was a fundamental difference this time though, and that was that Derek would be by his side throughout, he wouldn't allow anything but success to occur, and he told Spencer as much.

The younger agent smiled a genuine, if not small, smile and thanked the older man.

Seeing that Spencer was not going to be sleeping anytime soon, Derek realised that he too, would not be going to bed. He moved further into the kitchen and began to gather the items needed to make coffee. He asked Spencer if he would like a cup, already moving to prepare it the way he knew the younger agent took it, before his hand halted in the air at Spencer's swift rejection.

"_What?_" Derek asked incredulously. The younger agent never turned down an offer for coffee.

"I said no thank you." Spencer replied, distracted by Clooney who had begun to scratch at the glass door. When he turned back to face Derek, he noticed the older agent's questioning gaze and sighed before clarifying. "I'm feeling nauseous." Derek's eyes lit in understanding.

"Shouldn't you try and eat as much as you can before all of… that starts?"

Spencer nodded tiredly. "I should, but I don't always like to do the things I'm supposed to."

Derek's only response was to snort amusedly at the answer before turning back around and preparing his coffee. He would have to get Spencer to eat something.

Clooney's incessant scratching at the door intensified, the sound duplicating that of nails being drawn down a chalk board. Even though Clooney was Derek's dog, he found the sound highly annoying and was about to go and open the door when Spencer's agitated voice cut through the thin night air.

"Could you _please _let him in?" He was quick to rectify his tone upon seeing Derek's expression. "I'm sorry; he just seems upset is all."

"He's not the only one." Derek mumbled, as moved to allow the dog inside.

Spencer wore a guilty expression as Clooney bounded inside, coming to give the younger agent a swift lick to the hand before hurrying out of the kitchen and out of sight.

Derek gave a short laugh at his dog's antics. "He's probably taken up my entire bed by now." He said smiling at Spencer. His smile, however, quickly turned into a frown upon seeing the younger profiler's expression.

"I'm not mad at you Spence. I get why you're agitated. It's ok." His hand came to rest on Spencer's shoulder.

Spencer breathed in shakily. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know you're trying your best."

The two profilers shared a smile before Derek returned to his half-made cup of coffee. "You sure I can't get you anything?"

Spencer merely shook his head.

"Spencer… come on, we both know you need to eat something. I literally haven't seen you eat in about two days now." And as Derek said it, he realised it to be true. The younger man had steadily been losing weight that he couldn't afford to lose ever since his rescue. The entire team had noticed, but had dutifully done nothing about it. It was probably the reason why Spencer's skin was so pallid and his face so gaunt, his clothes practically hanging off of his too-thin frame.

Spencer's only reaction was to cross his arms in defiance and Derek couldn't help but sigh at the younger profiler's obvious challenge. _And so it begins. _He thought sadly.

"Well I don't feel like cooking." Derek started, taking a sip from his mug and acting as if he hadn't even noticed Spencer's body language. "So I think we'll get some take-out. Pizza or Chinese?" The older man smirked, turning to lean on the countertop so that he could appraise Spencer.

"Neither."

"Work with me here, Spence."

"No.

"Why not?" Derek scowled, abandoning his coffee down on the counter.

"Because no establishment in their right mind would deliver food at one o'clock in the morning."

Derek looked to the clock hanging on his kitchen wall and saw that Spencer was telling the truth. The older profiler was now thoroughly disgusted with how long he had slept.

"Damn…" He murmured, but was rewarded with a genuine, if not cocky smile from Spencer, so he supposed that it was okay.

"It doesn't let you off the hook though." Derek told him seriously. "I'm determined to get some food in you, even if I have to force it down myself."

"I'd like to see you try." Spencer said, but Derek knew that he was joking by the little dance that his eyebrows gave as he said it. He couldn't help the loving smile that shot to his face as he acknowledged it.

"So what will it be? I'm not too sure about what I have. But I probably have some steaks in the freezer?"

Spencer grimaced and turned green just at the mere mention of eating something as heavy as steak.

"Or not…" Derek murmured.

"Sorry. Do you maybe have something a little lighter? Like Ramen noodles or something?"

Derek cracked a smile before answering. "Kid, what kind of an 'on-the-go' FBI agent would I be if I _didn't _have Ramen noodles?"

Spencer only smiled in response as Derek went about fetching their meal and preparing it in the microwave. The older agent felt Spencer's eyes on him the entire time he worked and couldn't help but squirm in response. He hated not knowing what the younger of the two was thinking. Spencer always was, for the most part, an open book, never trying to hide who he was or conceal whatever thought was milling through his head; but that had all changed with his very first shot of Dilauded.

The squealing of the microwave broke Derek out of his reverie and he went to the source of the noise to retrieve their food.

He handed Spencer a cup before ushering the younger profiler out of the kitchen and towards the lounge, both of them sitting on one of Derek's comfortable, if not slightly worn, couches.

It didn't take much convincing for Derek to practically inhale his cup of noodles. An entire day without food was about as much as the older profiler could handle. Spencer on the other hand ate his timidly, softly blowing on each forkful before nibbling at it non-committedly and then dropping the majority of it back into his cup.

After only a few mouthfuls, Spencer leaned forwards and placed his still full cup of noodles on the coffee table. Derek frowned at him from over his own cup and Spencer merely shrugged in response. _What did you expect? _He seemed to say.

He placed his trembling hands in his lap the same moment Derek sat his empty cup next to Spencer's own. The younger of the two jumped in surprise when he felt Derek's hand resting on his forearm. He looked into his fellow profiler's eyes as he began to rub up and down his arm soothingly.

"I'm okay." Spencer tried to whisper reassuringly.

"No you're not."

"Derek…" Spencer warned. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't smother me."

Derek moved his arm before leaning back against the couch to appraise his friend.

"I'm not smothering you; I'm trying to help you."

"Then help me from a distance."

Derek put his head in his hands and massaged his temples. This really was not getting off to a good start. Had it really only been one day since he and Spencer had resolved to get through this together?

Trying to fight off his sigh Derek made as if to stand from the couch and go and clean up their dinner before Spencer's hand on his shoulder halted him.

"I'm sorry." He said simply, not quite meeting Derek's eyes. "It's like I have no filter. Things just rush out of my mouth before I can even comprehend what it is that I'm saying."

Derek leaned back into the couch and was pleased when Spencer didn't move his hand.

"It's okay Spence." Derek said simply, as he tugged on Spencer's hand, urging him to rest his head on his shoulder instead.

"What does it feel like?" He asked once Spencer was settled.

The younger man sighed tiredly and closed his eyes before answering. "It's like every inch of your skin crawls – itches. The shaking isn't just shaking, it hurts a little, then a little more and then a lot; until it's just about all you can take, and then it becomes unbearable because that's when the nausea sets in…"

Derek repositioned himself so that he was lying on the couch with Spencer lying on top of him with his head on his chest. He reached his arm over the younger agent's shoulders so that he could caress his side soothingly. Spencer kept his eyes closed but exhaled in contentment as he fisted Derek's shirt and began to relax.

"It's hard to describe. It's something you can only understand if it has happened to you; but I wouldn't wish it upon anyone."

He mumbled the last part in a tired voice and Derek wished for nothing more than for the younger agent to fall asleep.

"Sleep Spence." He whispered into his hair.

"Can't."

"Try."

"Hmmm…" He hummed.

Derek had to smile at that, it was obvious that he was tired and that he was gradually being pulled under the depths of reality and into unconsciousness; but still he fought. When had the passive kid who had first stepped into the doors of the FBI become so assertive?

"Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Are you uncomfortable? I can move if you are."

Derek huffed. "Pretty Boy, can you please just worry about yourself for once in your life?"

"Sorry."

"And stop apologising."

"Sorr –"

"Spencer."

The older agent was relieved when Spencer didn't apologise again, and he lay a kiss to the top of Spencer' s head before he had even realised that he was doing it.

"Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Anything for you kid." And he realised that no truer words had left his mouth in a long time.

Derek continued his ministrations up and down Spencer's side until he heard the younger man's breathing slow and then even out. He frowned when he noticed that Spencer's shaking had not subsided with the onslaught of sleep, but Derek was thankful for the reprieve that even the slight slumber gave the young agent.

With one last peck to Spencer's temple, the older of the two men leaned back against the arm of the couch and thought about everything that had come to pass.

He realised with no degree of uncertainty that despite Spencer's worries he was, in fact, extremely comfortable, and that there was no place that he'd rather be.

Spencer's body fit his own like a glove, and it was with that last resounding thought that he too began to drift into the land of dreams; a warm smile gracing his face, not once sparing a thought to the fact that even the best of dreams can often turn into some of our worst nightmares.

**So there it is! Sorry it's shorter than usual, but I think you can tell from that last paragraph that things are about to get a lot more intense ;D I needed a bit of a break from this story and so I wrote "Battered Souls" and it really helped my writer's block for this one. I guess I just needed a change of scenery and now the ideas are rolling **** so check it out if you need a change of scenery too! Lol.**

**Okay, big thanks to: **

**Sue1313:**** Don't worry, he WON'T use again, and Derek will definitely be helping him through the entire process **

**20000 WPM:**** I'm so happy you both found and like my story. Your review made me smile and I love your name!**

**Palmer Blu:**** Your review made my day! And I just love sensitive Morgan… yes I am a shameless fangirl :P**

**People Person I'm:**** Not You always encourage me and your reviews make me want to sit down right there and then and write more.**

**Mia:**** That's actually a great idea! I think as soon as I'm done with story I'll definitely look into getting an lj account **** I'm glad you found the L bomb realistic… I was worried about what some people might think about that, but I honestly though it was something Morgan would do.**

**Tessalationx13: ****Thank you so much for the compliment! It's really great hearing things like that and it motivates me no end to keep the updates coming, so thank you!**

**And lastly thanks to ****Dom-Dom ****for advertising the fact that I blush like a virgin bride on her wedding night when writing the romance and fluff between Spencer and Derek ;) Lol, I can't help it guys, it feel so private and intimate I feel like I'm intruding :P**


	9. Feasting Fire

**Feasting Fire**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, alerted and most importantly reviewed this story. Your support is so appreciated and it makes me happy to know that people are enjoying what they read **** Keep 'em coming!**

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my imagination… and the sad dream that the things I conjure up with it would actually come true.**

It was the force of being punched in the stomach that woke Derek from his slumber.

Instantly he was on high alert. Recovering from the attack he sprung off the couch and positioned himself so that he was ready for a fight. He didn't have his gun on him, but he wouldn't need it for hand-to-hand combat.

As the seconds ticked on, he realised that he had prepared himself for a fight that never came.

He glared out the window, willing for the source of his disturbance to make itself known. He noticed that the sun's first rays were peeking out just above the horizon, and he guessed it to be around five o'clock in the morning.

He'd slept for four more hours.

It was as this realisation hit him that he became aware that Spencer was not in the lounge. He didn't even have the time to become concerned before the sound of retching reached his ears.

He ran to the bathroom and found Spencer with his head buried in the toilet, throwing up the meagre amount of ramen noodles he'd manage to consume just hours prior.

"Hey Spence…" Derek said, as he treaded carefully towards the shaking figure and smoothed his hair back and away from his face in a soothing gesture.

"Out." Spencer mumbled

"What?"

"Out."

"No."

"D-don't w-want you t-to see me l-like this." Spencer managed to grind out as dry heaves wracked his body.

"You're delusional if you think I'm leaving you alone like this Pretty Boy."

"Not so pretty right now." The younger agent replied exhaustedly; the attack on his body tiring him out.

He lent his head against the rim of the toilet bowl and closed his eyes; suddenly Derek was thrust back to Georgia and the memory of Tobias Hankel.

Shaking his head, he banished the thoughts away before they were able to fully take root. "You're always pretty Spence."

Spencer snorted in disbelief. "I'm sweating like a pig and I have vomit in my hair, if that's your definition of attractive Derek then I'm afraid this relationship is not going to work."

"Ha ha." The older profiler replied sarcastically, though he actually found what Spencer had to say quite humorous – not to mention the fact that his heart fluttered at the word 'relationship'. Even though it was assumed that it was the direction in which the two were headed, neither man had directly acknowledged it, and it warmed Derek to know that Spencer obviously shared the same ideals as him.

"Just trying to lighten the –" But Spencer was cut off by his stomach insisting on a repeat performance. Truthfully, he hadn't even thought that there was anything left to star in the show – his stomach promptly proved him otherwise.

He continued to heave as Derek rubbed his back tenderly, the trailing circles calming him far more than he would care to admit.

When his stomach had officially emptied itself of its contents he returned to his prior position with his forehead resting against the toilet bowl, before groaning loudly at the painful cramps that gripped his stomach.

"What is it?" Derek asked worriedly, as he saw the younger man clutch at his gut, his eyes squeezed shut in what could only be described as agony.

"Cramps."

Derek could only frown in response. He'd read the literature and he had known what to expect… but being faced with the reality and not just with the words on a page terrified him far more than he thought was possible. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

"Think that should be it for now." Spencer murmured, his voice laced with exhaustion.

"Think you can sleep?"

"Doubt it."

You willing to try?"

"Sure."

Spencer allowed himself to be led back into the lounge before he collapsed onto the couch, immediately curling onto his side and clutching his midsection.

"Would a heating pad help?" Derek asked, grappling for anything that he thought to be useful in this situation.

"That – would be amazing." Spencer rasped, his eyes squeezed shut and the pallor of his skin giving away just how sick he was.

Derek nodded and retreated back into the kitchen. He'd had to use a heating pad for his shoulder after one of their more recent cases, so he knew to find it alongside the microwave.

Propping the heating pad in the microwave, he waited for it to warm up while he scrambled for a glass and some water. Spencer would be losing a lot of fluids and he was determined to keep him hydrated.

The sharp ping of the microwave was quickly followed by the older agent grabbing the heating pad in one hand, glass in the other, before returning to the lounge once again.

"I really hope this hel –"

Derek stopped short and looked around confusedly, again Spencer wasn't in the lounge, which really only left one place for Derek to look.

The profiler sighed heavily before walking to the bathroom, annoyed that Spencer had attempted to close the door, before pushing it aside and waltzing in.

The sight of the younger agent hunched over the toilet spilling his guts didn't deter him from taking a seat on the edge of the bath and waiting for him to finish.

Spencer reached up and deftly flushed the toilet before leaning against the bowl in defeat.

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can."

"No Derek, I really can't. I've tried before. I've failed before. I can't do this.

"Spence… we've been over this; not only can you get through this, but you will get through this, and I promise you I will be with you every step of the way." Derek replied simply. The words seemed to flow so easily from his mouth that he found that he believed them with the utmost certainty – maybe he did have an idea of what he was doing after all.

Upon seeing the pained look on his companion's face he leaned forward during his speech, and placed the heating pad over his abdomen.

Based off of the way Spencer's face relaxed, the relief was instantaneous.

"Please Derek… don't make me do this."

His voice was so small and the intonation so fragile that Derek almost found himself bending to the younger profiler's will. He would do anything to make Spencer happy. He would do anything to prevent him from getting hurt – which was precisely why he couldn't give his companion what he was so desperately asking for.

"I have to." He stated simply, fearing that he would go back on his word if he allowed himself to say anything more.

Spencer huffed in annoyance but otherwise said nothing. Derek couldn't help but think that he hadn't heard the last of that argument.

The silence stretched on as seconds turned to minutes; the bathroom's artificial light slowly being joined by the natural light of the ever rising sun.

Spencer's laboured breathing began to even out, completely giving away the fact that he was being claimed by sleep.

Whilst Derek was glad that the heating pad had done its job, he couldn't help but frown at Spencer's position against the toilet; if he fell asleep like that his entire body was going ache when he woke up.

"Spence, I think you need to go and lie down."

"Uh Uh." Came the tired, defiant reply.

"Come on man, you know if you fall asleep like that you're going to wake up feeling like hell."

"Already feel like hell."

"Spencer…"

"Derek…"

The older agent clenched his jaw in frustration but let it go, he knew he had a lot worse headed his way in the coming days, or at the rate Spencer was going, the coming hours.

"Seriously man you need all the energy you can get and sleeping like that is helping no one."

"Too scared." The younger profiler murmured.

"Of what?"

"Of being away from the bathroom… and throwing up on your floor."

Derek burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of Spencer's reasoning. "Kid, I doubt that will happen, and anyway I have a dog so I've cleaned up my share of messes; besides it looks to me like you've just about finis –"

But he was cut off by Spencer lurching forward and being violently ill once again.

"Or not." Derek finished dejectedly, moving to place the glass of water on the edge of the sink before bending to comfort Spencer once again.

"D-Derek, seriously, l-leave. Please." The younger profiler all but begged, trying to hold on to any semblance of dignity that he felt he had left.

The older man deftly ignored him and swiftly grabbed the glass that he had just put down before thrusting it in Spencer's face. "Drink."

The younger agent tried to angle his head away from the offending object, but had no luck as Derek mirrored his movements.

"Stop _irritating _me." Spencer hissed.

"I'm not irritating you, I'm taking care of you, now just drink –"

"I can take care of myself!"

"I never said you couldn't, but it doesn't hurt to have help and –"

"I don't need help!"

"Reid." Derek snapped. "Just drink the damned water."

Surprisingly, Spencer did as he was told, glaring at Derek over the rim of the glass as he took a tentative sip before gulping down as much water as he could, obviously realising how thirsty he was.

"Hey, whoa, stop! You drink too much of that it's just going to come right back up."

"Just doing what I'm told." Spencer grumbled, and despite the childish behaviour, Derek couldn't help but smile and reach out to ruffle the younger man's hair.

"Derek!" Spencer screeched, swatting his hand off and attempting to flatten back his hair. He tried to look exasperated but he had a faint smile playing at the edges of his lips.

Despite the fact that they were two grown men sitting on a bathroom floor, the toilet planted between them and the smell of vomit permeating the small space, the moment seemed strangely intimate. Had it not been for Spencer's clear outward signs of sickness, Derek was pretty sure that things would have escalated by now.

But the green colour that crept into Spencer's face followed by the younger agent leaning back over the toilet bowl, confirmed that this was neither the time nor the place for Derek to be having those kinds of thoughts.

Sighing, the older man got up and refilled the glass before once again holding it out to Spencer as he finished over the rim of the toilet. "Slower this time."

The younger agent nodded and took only two sips before handing the glass back.

The heating pad had begun to cool down, and with it came the return of pain from the stomach cramps; only this time they were much, much worse.

The two men shared a glance and had an entire conversation without speaking a single word. Derek took the heating pad and retreated back to the kitchen to warm it back up, hurrying back to Spencer as quickly as he could and absolutely hating what he found.

Not only was his companion clutching his gut at the onslaught of pain, but it was evident that he had begun trembling too, and sweat gleamed from his brow. He was entering the worst of the throes of his withdrawal, and Derek knew it was only a matter of time before Spencer's entire body began to ache.

"Here man." He offered Spencer the heating pad, receiving a muffled 'thanks' in return. He sat down in front of his fellow profiler and stared at him worriedly. He knew Spencer needed the heating pad for the pain, but reaching forward Derek nestled the back of his hand against Spencer's forehead and felt his rising fever. His eyes narrowed in concern.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?" Derek asked, not really listening as he pushed the younger man's hair back and out of his face.

"Staring a hole into my head."

"How long have you had the fever? I didn't notice it before."

"I don't know." Spencer answered noncommittally, and although Derek found it hard to believe that the genius didn't know something, he seemed so out of it that the profiler didn't doubt his words.

"Here." Derek said, as he held the glass out to Spencer. "You need to drink more."

"You need to stop mothering me."

Derek's only response was to nudge the glass into his shoulder until Spencer made to take it. Although the younger man would never admit it, he was amazed at Derek's composure and thick skin. He knew he was being a total pain and unreasonably snappy but he just couldn't seem to help himself, he felt so awful and that feeling seemed to find it absolutely pertinent to make those around him feel that way too.

Spencer took a few careful sips of water from the glass but hastily put it down beside him when he felt his stomach turn in response. He resolutely ignored the unimpressed look that Derek gave him.

A few minutes passed and Derek found himself surprised that there was a sort of thick tension swimming in the air. He wasn't sure if Spencer felt it, as preoccupied as he was in his hazy sphere of fever, but it was definitely there.

He knew he was being annoying. Hell, he hated it when people pestered him when he was sick. It was nice having someone to comfort and look out for you but sometimes you just wanted to wallow in your misery in isolation. It was obvious that Spencer felt that way, but try as he might Derek could not find it within himself to leave the younger man alone. He was far too worried. Maybe it was selfish, maybe he was doing it for himself, but he needed to know that Spencer was doing okay, or as okay as he could be given the situation. He needed the other man to know that he wasn't alone, he wanted to do all he could to ease his pain, but more than that, he just didn't want him to be scared. Spencer was strong, but the fear on his face every time they had received a video feed from Tobias Hankel was so raw and unmasked that the thought of Spencer feeling that way again, especially under Derek's roof, was more than the older agent could handle.

Which is why he supposed he kept pushing Spencer, even though he knew that he was fast approaching his threshold of tolerance where Derek's supposed 'mothering' was concerned.

"Spence… I'd feel a lot better if you tried to drink a little more, you've lost a lot of fluid and –"

"_Stop._" Spencer all but hissed, his tone suddenly venomous as his exhaustion combined with his pain pulsated through his battered body.

"I promise I will, as soon as you do this one last thing for me."

Spencer laughed wryly. "It's never one last thing with you Morgan. If I finish that glass then you'll just bring me another one and irritate the hell out of me until I finish that one too! I can't decide what's more painful; the withdrawal or your incessant pestering."

Ouch. That one stung. Now Derek found himself getting annoyed. He'd opened his home and his heart to Spencer and he'd done nothing but throw it in his face since the very moment he got there. Okay, Derek knew that he was being irrational, and that wasn't entirely true. Spencer had, in his own way, reciprocated his feelings, and he'd been perfectly polite up until this morning; but that didn't mean Derek didn't have an aversion to being spoken to like dirt, not when he was trying his utmost best to make this easier for the younger agent, not when –

He was stopped mid-ramble by the slight and hesitant hand that clasped his forearm delicately and didn't let go. Spencer hadn't moved from his position against the toilet, but Derek could tell he had caved in on himself a little. He squeezed the older profiler's forearm gently and Derek understood it for what it was – a silent apology.

Suddenly the older agent's entire demeanour softened and he berated himself for his harsh and negative thoughts. He knew that Dilauded Spencer and _his _Spencer were two completely different people, and he forced himself to understand that he would have to deal with the Dilauded Spencer more and more over the next few days, but that it would totally be worth it when his Spencer would finally be able to return to him full-time. He would make sure of it.

Acting on instinct, Derek grabbed the hand encircling his arm and pulled Spencer to his chest. The younger man gave a slight squeak of surprise, but otherwise did not resist. Whether he was too tired to or wanted the contact Derek wasn't sure, but as Spencer uncharacteristically burrowed into the older man's embrace he knew that it was definitely a combination of both.

Derek couldn't mask the surprise on his face when Spencer sat back and draped his arms around the older man's neck, gifting him with a shy smile as he did so.

"Thank you." He whispered, giving Derek the most intense gaze he had ever received in his entire life, before he lent forwards and embraced his fellow profiler with as much strength and energy as he could muster.

Derek recognised the vulnerability for what it was and returned the gesture with as much strength as he dared, careful not to hurt the already fragile body before him.

He couldn't help but chuckle slightly as he realised that Spencer was obviously comfortable in his new-found position; his grip beginning to loosen as his exhaustion began to overtake him. Derek knew better than to suggest going up the flight of stairs to bed, so he offered Spencer a silent compromise instead.

He repositioned both himself and Spencer so that he was able to lean his back against the bathroom wall, Spencer leaning against him, their bodies flush together.

Derek reached for the heating pad that had fallen to the floor in their change of position, and placed it on Spencer's abdomen once again.

The younger of the two had already begun to drift off before Derek had even gotten them both settled. The older agent wrapped his arms protectively around his younger counterpart, trying to quell the tremors that wracked his body, even though he knew they had nothing to do with Spencer being cold.

Seeing that Spencer hadn't quite crossed into the realm of unconsciousness, he began to stroke his hair gently, knowing that it would lull him in to sleep.

The effect was instantaneous, and no more than thirty seconds passed before Spencer had finally managed to drift into a world that would provide him with a temporary reprieve from his reality-based nightmare; which Derek could only hope would not follow him into his dreams.

Gently, he kissed Spencer's temple as the young man's breathing evened out, and found that he was rewarded with a subconscious smile that somehow managed to light up Spencer's face even in his slumber.

Derek smiled in return and found that he didn't mind one bit that he would be spending his entire day maintaining a silent vigil, because if it meant that Spencer was on the mend then he knew that it was worth every second.

He just had to keep reminding himself not to get ahead of time. The ten day withdrawal period was far from over, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was far more to come – Spencer himself had stated that it was going to get much, much worse.

The older agent could only hope that his genius wrong… but an intense frown marred his features as he realised how ludicrous that thought was. Spencer was very rarely ever wrong, and no matter how much he willed it to be so, he doubted that this situation would be any sort of exception.

**Sorry to those who wanted a bit more on the romance front… I swear I was going to write it in, but then I thought… "Would I make out with someone who's spent the better part of their day vomiting?" The answer was a resounding no. Lol, but fret not, the romance shall come, and if things go my way there will be plenty of romance and fluff in the next chapter. So stay tuned :P**

**Big thanks go to: Mia, my guest reviewer, Palmer Blu and People Person I'm Not. Thank you guys so much for reviewing! Every time I get a review alert it's like I get a virtual hug and I just want to write more to say thank you! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!**


	10. Tinged Crimson

**Tinged Crimson**

**A/N: Oh my goodness you guys! Thank you so much for your overwhelming response to the last chapter! I posted it on my birthday and to receive such wonderful reviews (and so many) really made my day that much more special! I only need two more reviews to make fifty! How crazy is that? This has far exceeded my expectations. To everyone who favorited, followed and reviewed thank you SO much for the virtual presents! I hope this doesn't disappoint! Individual comments at the end!**

**Disclaimer: I didn't get them for my birthday! :'( so I don't own them… *sighs***

Life, when undergoing the trials of withdrawal, had to be one of the hardest things that Derek had ever had to do.

How Spencer was able to maintain a hold on his fragile state of mind, no matter how precarious that hold was, was beyond the older agent. Derek felt himself slowly going insane, barely holding on by a thread, and he wasn't even the one who was experiencing the side-effects of the Dilauded – well, not physically at least.

Derek made sure to never let these thoughts filter into the open where Spencer could pick up on them. The younger profiler's strength and determination was rapidly deteriorating with each passing day without the strain of worrying over his counterpart's dwindling sanity, he didn't need to stress himself out over anything more than what he was already having to deal with; and so it fell on Derek's shoulders to keep it together, for the both of them.

Five days had passed since Spencer and Derek had returned home from Houston, and Derek knew that he spoke for both profilers when he concurred that the past five days had been nothing short of hell; the thought of having to endure five more almost succeeding in pushing him over the edge.

But he had to hold on, for Spencer, he just had to.

But it was so hard…

Everyday seemed to be a callous repetition of the one before it, the only difference being the ever increasing intensity of Spencer's side-effects, as well as the number of arguments that he and Derek engaged in.

Spencer got snappy, Derek got snappy, they were both tired, and it was inevitable. But they always seemed to make it right in the end, not matter how heated the argument may have been. Murmured apologies whispered into the crisp air shortly followed by 'it's okay' or 'that's alright' before a soothing hug or a gentle caress preceding a stifled sob.

Emotionally, it was exhausting. It was up and down, left and right, forward and back and so much more in between that Derek often thought that he would be sick purely from the inertia of it all.

But still, he watched the sun set and saw the sun rise and he knew that they had made it through another day; that they were ever closer to reaching their goal, and somehow that knowledge managed to keep him pushing forward.

Spencer's vomiting had eventually subsided to a manageable quota the day before, and Derek had done everything in his power since then to shovel as much food down Spencer's throat as possible; it never failed to rile up a particularly nasty argument between the two of them each time, with Spencer eventually conceding and Derek losing his own appetite from the effort.

A particularly aggressive memory thrust itself into the forefront of Derek's mind, and he realised that it was only once the secretiveness on Spencer's part and the suspicion on his own began that the arguments really started to get explosive between the two of them, causing even Clooney to slink out of whatever room they happened to be in with his head bowed and his tail between his legs.

It was right after the day where Derek and Spencer had spent the entire morning and the better part of the afternoon huddled on the bathroom floor, Spencer too sick to be away from the toilet for long periods of time.

The younger agent had finally woken up before announcing that it was high time that he took a shower. Derek had readily agreed and Spencer had flashed him a smile that hadn't quite reached his eyes. Instantly Derek had known that something was up.

Spencer had lifted himself from the floor and made a thoroughly convincing show of preparing himself for a shower, waiting for Derek to leave the bathroom and enter the kitchen to make his requested cup of coffee, before proclaiming that he would be no more than ten minutes in 'running to his apartment to pack a bag of clothes' before making a mad dash towards the front door only to smack straight into Derek who had pre-empted what the younger agent was going to do.

Later, when they had both stopped yelling and had finally calmed down, Spencer had confirmed Derek's suspicions regarding where he was actually planning on going; though he hadn't left out his opinion on being forced to wear Derek's clothes seeing as he didn't have any of his own, trying to get Derek to acquiesce on his request to go to his apartment by claiming that he looked 'completely ludicrous' as he drowned in the material of the older man's wardrobe.

Derek had curtly replied that since Spencer wasn't going out of the house anytime soon it didn't matter what he looked like.

"Don't you trust me?" He had whispered.

"Not at the moment, no."

And Derek could have sworn he had felt his heart tear in half at the forlorn and broken expression on his younger counterpart's face.

That night as they huddled together in Derek's bed, the older agent swore that things could only get better from there, but the sound of his go-bag being unzipped waking him in the middle of the night promptly tore him from his dreams and thrust him into a nightmare, the vision of Spencer frantically searching the bag's contents for the items that Derek had confiscated from him in Houston engrained within his memories forever.

Spencer hadn't seen Derek discard the vials and syringe on their way to the air strip, a fact which the younger profiler had firmly made know by accusing Derek of being a hypocrite in calling him a liar when it was clear that he was one himself.

That had been too much for Derek, and he had stormed out of the room without a backwards glance before he had said or done something that he would have regretted at a later stage.

As it turns out, it was one of the best decisions he had made throughout the entire process thus far, as not five minutes later Spencer had sought him out and apologised of his own accord, even trying his best to explain to Derek how he was feeling and the effect that the drug leaving his system was having on his state of mind. He had even spouted off a few statistics when his words had begun to fail him, and Derek couldn't help but smile at the vision that was _his _Spencer before wrapping his arms around him and squeezing tightly.

Spencer didn't complain at the choke-hold that the older profiler had him locked in, knowing that Derek needed to be reassured that he wasn't going to disappear; that despite his behaviour, he was still there, and although he was slipping he had yet to fall through the cracks.

He didn't say anything when Derek pressed his face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and squeezing tighter as the familiarity and comfort overtook him. He also didn't say anything when he swore that he felt the collar of his shirt become wet with moisture where it lay beneath Derek's face, though he did wonder when exactly the tables had turned and he found himself comforting Derek for a change.

Neither man had spoken about the bond that had formed between them that night. Or rather the bond that had already been there only to become strengthened. Either way, it was too sacred to be soiled with words, to be discussed in idle conversation or tarnished in a heated argument. It was something that both men would carry with them for the rest of their days, no matter the outcome of what was happening now, and it comforted them to know that they had experienced the purity of the human soul, even if it had occurred in one of the foulest of times.

It hadn't been smooth sailing after that. Their arguments still occurred and Spencer's symptoms had still worsened, though the younger of the two men never tried to access the drug again. He never tried to trick Derek or push him away with his secretiveness, and for that the older agent was thankful, because it meant that Spencer had accepted his situation. It meant that he was trying to fight.

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

Staring at the ceiling above his bed and thrust into the present, Derek knew that they were past the halfway mark, that the road from here on out would only get better, smoother, straighter. But he also knew how tired Spencer was; how truly exhausted and battered his entire body was from the process it had been put through.

"This is when I always give up." Spencer whispered into the air.

Derek turned his head to face his younger counterpart and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Why? The timing doesn't make sense."

Spencer sighed and closed his eyes. "I know. You'd think I would have held on, since it's the home stretch; but it isn't like that at all."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I. Not really. I guess by this point I'm so tired and exhausted and just so sick of the pain and the shakes and everything that comes with it, that even though I know it's going to get better, I can't stand the thought of having to contend with one more hour of feeling like this. Having said that, the pain is nowhere near as bad as what I feel after I cave, after I give in…"

Derek continued to look at him even after he trailed off, lost in his thoughts. Colour had yet to grace his skin; it was coated with perspiration and it was a sickly pale colour that was a poor substitute for Spencer's usual own. His eyelids were translucent and mottled purple; and despite the fact that they were lying on Derek's bed and Spencer had his eyes closed, he looked far from relaxed, his body still humming with tremors and his breathing still slightly strained.

Spencer breathed in and opened his eyes before turning his head so that he could look into Derek's own.

For a while, they simply stayed like that, content to just gaze into the others depths and relish in the warmth that they each found there.

It wasn't pre-empted, it wasn't agreed, but they both slowly inched towards the other before their lips finally met in the middle, in a tentative yet all-consuming kiss.

It was slow, so slow at first, but that's what they both wanted. Derek had to know that Spencer was safe, and judging by the way the younger man seemed to trust him implicitly, moulding beneath the older profiler's touch, he knew that, if anything, that's exactly what he was in this very moment. Safe.

Carefully, Derek pushed up onto his elbow so that he could lean over his fellow profiler and deepen the kiss, paying particular attention to any hesitance on Spencer's part.

He didn't need to worry; because the young agent responded exactly the way Derek had hoped he would with the change in angle.

Derek caressed his face and Spencer clutched his shirt, filled with a sort of desperation that both excited and worried the older profiler.

All it took was one nip to his bottom lip on Derek's part and Spencer melted in his arms like putty, caving to his desires and complying with his counterpart's lead.

It was so soothing and so gentle, Derek paying particular attention to Spencer and how he was feeling, not wanting to push him too far yet not wanting to hold himself on such a tight leash at the same time. Either Spencer was a mind-reader, or was able to pick up on the older agent's emotions by his body language, but whatever it was Derek could do nothing but start in surprise as Spencer's voice whispered huskily into the night air, begging Derek to "let it go".

The older agent could do nothing but comply as he attacked Spencer's lips ferociously, not holding anything back for a single second. The pale-skinned man let out a soft moan of contentment at the escalation, and the most primal part of Derek was nothing if not absolutely satisfied. He relished in being able to elicit that kind of reaction from Spencer, he loved that no one else had been given the opportunity to yield that response before.

He found that he couldn't help himself as he retracted from Spencer's mouth and began to trail along his jaw, feeling the other man's breath hitch and then release itself shakily.

Derek continued up to his ear before whispering gently to the younger man. "You okay?"

"Mmmm…" was the hummed response, and Derek chuckled softly as he realised that Spencer's shaky breathing hadn't been caused by discomfort… quite the opposite actually.

Although Spencer didn't see it, Derek's eyes gleaned with excitement before he continued with his path, trailing down Spencer's neck and fixating on the collar bone that jutted out from the too large collar of Derek's borrowed shirt. Spencer hissed in approval and Derek made sure to leave a mark.

No one was more surprised than Derek when he felt Spencer's hands slip under his shirt and run up his sides. His hands were so cold against Derek's heated skin, but he didn't find it uncomfortable, no, he found the contrast electrifying and was overjoyed that Spencer was getting bolder.

Following the younger man's lead Derek did the same, frowning slightly when he realised that he was able to trace each individual rib with his fingertips.

He felt the cool night air on his blazing skin as Spencer quickly retracted his hand and grabbed Derek's own, stilling all further movement.

Derek didn't have to ask to know that Spencer was embarrassed by the state his body was in – a fact which the older profiler felt was ridiculous in of itself. Yes, Spencer had lost weight and was entirely too thin, all that meant was that Derek would have the opportunity to play host and fatten him up; it didn't mean that the older profiler was any less attracted to him. In fact, he found that it only strengthened Spencer's appeal, because it meant that he was someone who had been through something horrifying, yet he was still willing to allow Derek in and accept the help he was offering to aid Spencer to heal.

And all of this wasn't even mentioning the fact that despite what Spencer had been through, it had done nothing to mar his natural beauty, and Derek yearned to tell him so.

Derek pulled back and diverted his eyes to Spencer's face so that he could take him in. He had yet to open his eyes, but the discomfort was as clear as day on his face and it was obvious that he was holding his breath.

"Spence?" Derek probed, but he received no reaction, no sign that Spencer had even heard him. He tried to move his hand again. To let Spencer know that he could never see him in a negative light. That he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

"Don't…" Came the whispered warning, quiet but harsh, and not at all open for negotiation.

He hadn't moved when he said it, but his body was taught with tension, the hand beneath Derek's shirt slowly making its retreat. It was obvious to the older profiler that Spencer was shutting down; and he had to act fast if he had any hope of rectifying the situation.

He wasn't sure if what he was about to do was appropriate or not, or even if it would garner the response that he was hoping for, but Derek found that he didn't care. He would never push Spencer, especially into doing anything that he wasn't comfortable with, but he needed the younger agent to _listen _to him; to _hear _and actually _understand _what it was that he was saying, because they had been going around in circles, skirting around Spencer's issues of inadequacy and enough was enough.

He didn't remove his hand from where it was imprisoned by Spencer's own – only now realising how tight the grip actually was. Instead, he placed his other hand next to Spencer's head and shifted his body weight, effectively trapping his younger counterpart under him with his bulk.

Spencer's eyes snapped open and looked to Derek, alarm glazing their surface.

"W-w-what are you doing?" He asked hurriedly, straining to free himself from the older man's grip.

"Relax Spence." Derek murmured, the vibrations of his voice lulling the younger agent somewhat. "I'm not doing anything shady; I'm getting you to listen."

"Sh-shady? You couldn't have just talked to me?"

"I could have." Derek nodded. "But I know you would have either ignored me or left the room, this way you have no choice but to listen."

Spencer huffed in annoyance and made a show of trying to wriggle out of the older agent's grasp before giving up and settling on turning his face as far away from Derek's as he could possibly get it, given his current position.

"Don't act like it's not comfortable." Derek purred, and his suggestiveness was thoroughly rewarded by the vicious blush that flooded to Spencer's face.

"Now that I have your undivided attention, you want to tell me what's up?" Derek asked.

Spencer was silent for a moment before he murmured his reply. "I don't know what you mean."

Derek furrowed his brow in annoyance and sighed his disapproval. _Exactly how many times were they going to keep running within the same circle?_

"What?" Spencer demanded, getting defensive at his friend's reaction. "Aside from the obvious side-effects, nothing's wrong!"

Even though Derek knew it was a symptom of the withdrawal, he was still surprised at how quickly Spencer's complacency had turned to anger, but that wasn't the issue right now. The kid needed to undergo a full detox, and to Derek that meant more than simply purifying the physical; Spencer had to flush out whatever was poisoning him emotionally if he had any hope at all in moving forward and getting past this.

"Then why are you gripping my hand so tightly?"

Spencer's immediate reaction was to let go of the offending limb and to try and act like he hadn't been clutching it in a vice-like grip in the first place, but his hand instantly clamped down on Derek's once again as the older profiler attempted to inch it upwards, testing the waters.

"Nothing's wrong huh?"

"Derek… let this go."

"As annoying as it may seem, you know that I won't do that Spence. Come on man, it's me, you can tell me anything."

"You're a profiler Derek, figure it out!"

"It's not that easy when it comes to you Spence, I need _you _to tell me what's going on in your head, because you're a little more complicated than the average… what are you doing?"

Derek was cut off by Spencer's attempts at getting out from underneath him. His attempts, however, were exactly that, as all the older profiler had to do in response was drop more of his weight onto the body below him, effectively stopping Spencer's progress, proving that his attempts had been in vain.

"Derek! Get _off!_"

And this time Derek let him try to fight him off, knowing that he had no hope in hell of escaping, but hoping that he would tire himself out quickly enough for the two of them to sort through whatever it was that was making the genius so upset.

Derek knew Spencer's strength was no match for his own; it was pretty obvious which of the two of them pumped iron on a regular basis, but he worried at the pitiful effort that the younger profiler put out. It really seemed to be the best effort that he could muster; and it tired his body out immensely. Even the 'play-fights' around the bullpen between the two of them over the years had seen Spencer displaying more strength than this. Once again, the repercussions of Spencer's drug use and the torment that it caused the younger agent made themselves known; and the feelings of guilt and failure that Derek had managed to push to the back of his mind came back with the fullest of intensities.

Spencer gave up the moment he realised that his struggles were getting him nowhere. He fell back against the pillows with an exhausted huff before deciding to try and bargain with the older agent.

"Derek please, this is childish."

"Doesn't matter if it's childish, it's yielding a result."

"Come on Derek, I'll tell you whatever you want if you just let me go." Spencer pleaded, straining against the older man's weight in an attempt to bypass the conversation.

"No you won't. If I let you go you're just going to jump off the bed and –"

Suddenly, he was cut off by spencer's lips pressed firmly against his own, harsh and demanding and completely unrelenting.

Derek wouldn't deny that he was initially stunned by Spencer's forwardness, but he found himself quickly reciprocating the kiss. No one was more surprised than he when Spencer clutched at his face, desperate for something more, his movements frantic with the intensity of his need.

All at once the younger man's hands were everywhere, and it was all Derek could do not to fall victim to Spencer's game. As much as he was enjoying what was happening he knew that there was an ulterior motive – distraction, plain and simple.

It was then that Derek realized that not only was Spencer a genius but he was crafty too. He possessed the power of manipulation but he had never utilised it; not until now at least.

But despite this knowledge, Derek couldn't help but take the bait. He did so knowingly, his yearning to get closer to the object of his affection overriding the part of his brain screaming at him to call Spencer out; he knew when he needed to make his move.

Derek anticipated what was going to happen next before it had even occurred. Spencer deepened the kiss, clutching at Derek's shirt in a way that he knew the older profiler loved and that forced Derek's weight back. Spencer saw his window of opportunity and quickly broke away from Derek and tried to bolt through the newly created space between them.

But Derek didn't spend the better part of his day's working out and tackling unsubs for the fun of it. He had learned to read the body language of desperate people who were trapped and felt only the need to escape.

Without even batting an eyelid he grabbed both of Spencer's wrists and pinned him down, returning to their prior position, his face barely inches away from Spencer's own.

"That was _most_ out of character for you, Doctor Reid."

He wasn't angry or even annoyed in the slightest. Spencer had difficulty opening up with people and when questioned on anything even remotely hinting at his insecurities his first instinct was to flee.

Up until this moment Derek never thought that he would act so literally of course, but here they were, eye-to-eye with nothing but laboured breath between them. Wisps of Spencer's hair flew about his forehead in response to Derek's respiration and he stared up at the older agent with such wide, innocent eyes, so fearful of what Derek was going to do, that the older profiler couldn't help but groan before leaning down and once again pressing his lips to Spencer's own.

The younger agent started in surprise. Of all the reactions he was expecting, that was most certainly not it, and had Derek been coherent enough to actually analyse what it was that the younger agent was thinking, he would have rolled his eyes at Spencer's ignorance to his own seductive ability.

"You really have no idea." Derek whispered, before resting his forehead against Spencer's.

They stayed that way for a while; content to just gaze into each other's eyes and relish the peaceful silence that had eluded them for so long.

"Derek?"

"Mmm…?"

"I'm really sorry."

The older man stared at him for a while before releasing his wrists, secure in the knowledge that he wouldn't go anywhere.

"Don't be."

"But I am! It's all I ever do these days. Apologise for the things I'm always doing wrong. I don't know how you put up with it!"

"I don't put up with anything Spence. Despite the fact that you're not quite yourself it's who you are. You over-analyse everything because of that big brain of yours and you always seem to draw the conclusion that it's your fault or that you're inadequate in some way, no matter what the situation."

"But what you don't realise," Derek started, peppering kisses up Spencer's jawline, "is that I wouldn't have you any," his chin, "other," his cheek, "way." Finally his lips.

Spencer's cheeks flushed pink. "You're crazy." He murmured.

"You're diverting."

"W-what?"

"Spencer, as much as I like to believe that my devilish charm and undeniable good looks would cause you to pounce on me like a starving hyena, I am a profiler and I know better. So out with it, what has you going from piping hot to ice cold in one second flat?"

Spencer sighed in annoyance before replying with barely concealed anger. "You know that I'm tragically insecure so why are you making me say it?"

"Because I'm confused! Surely the very fact of my being here has proven that any securities you may have are unwarranted?"

"My father was once 'here'" He snapped. "And even though it's not her fault my mother was once 'here' too. And it's not just about your presence Derek, despite what people may believe I've actually gotten over my abandonment issues and you've definitely proven yourself to be more than worthy when it comes to 'sticking around'."

"So what is it then?"

"Look at me!"

Derek visibly flinched back at the desperation and anguish in his voice.

"I'm emaciated. I'm sickly and pale looking and even on a good day it's hard not to become self-conscious when standing next to you, but combat that with what I look like now because of the Dilauded… I…this is humiliating." He said, as he pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead before covering his eyes.

"Spence –"

"Derek, do you have any idea how hard it is for me to let you look at me when I can't even look at myself? I'm petrified of letting you see me, like really see me, because you're going to be disappointed and realise that you weren't thinking straight or that you were acting under duress and you'll leave too."

"I thought you'd 'gotten over' your abandonment issues? And why are you deciding what I will or will not do? That's catastrophising Spence, and it's an unhelpful thinking style."

"Are you _seriously _using psychology to make a point?"

"I'm willing to use whatever it takes to make a point and get through to you Pretty Boy, even if it is academics."

Spencer couldn't help but smile at that and he subconsciously brought his hand up to clutch at Derek's bicep.

"The only thing about you that has ever, and will ever, disappoint me is the fact that you seem so set on breaking yourself down, and that you honestly believe that you don't meet my supposed expectations."

"I'm just giving you a way out Derek."

"You already gave me that opportunity Spencer and I didn't want it. I still don't. How can you expect people to stay in your life when you keep showing them door?"

"I guess I never thought about it that way before."

"Spencer Reid not having analysed every angle? Am I dreaming?" Derek mocked, and Spencer playfully smacked him on the arm.

Derek placed his hand on Spencer's ribcage and this time, the younger profiler let him, even if he did tense slightly at the touch.

"Come on, we've been lounging on this bed all afternoon and it's time for dinner."

Spencer groaned at the mention of food, to which Derek responded with a playful 'don't even start', before pushing himself up and off the bed, bringing Spencer with him.

"How many helpings are you going to shovel down my throat this time?"

"At least three for sure." Derek smirked, pecking his cheek before throwing his arm over Spencer's shoulders and leading him down the stairs to the awaiting kitchen.

**So it was a lot longer than usual and here's the reason, my finals are starting soon, so although I will most definitely be updating they might not be weekly as I have consistently tried to do. Hope you all can forgive me? I really hope you guys enjoyed the romance/fluff whatever you want to call it, in this chapter and don't think it's too forward? Could you guys let me know if I can stick with the T rating with this content or should I change to M? I'm petrified of having my story deleted for not following 'the guidelines' :/**

**Wainwright****: Thanks so much for the review and I really hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!**

**Marcallie: ****I am SO glad you agree! And you are one hundred percent right of course! It would have been far too premature to have had them 'do the deed' in that scene and I really wanted to illustrate Morgan's care for Reid by loving him at his worst. Your review made me smile as it affirmed that I managed to portray this correctly.**

**Irishgirl9: ****The thought of an electric heating pad never even crossed my mind! Lol, it would definitely make life a lot easier wouldn't it? I'm so glad you liked it and I hope you enjoy this chapter too.**

**Sue1313: ****Thank you so much for both of your reviews! I'm so glad you thought the romance was effective, even though Spence was sick. I really wanted to portray that and I'm glad you liked Clooney, I wasn't going to really include him at all if I'm honest :P lol, shame.**

**Mia: ****Thanks for the virtual hug! Hehe, I couldn't agree more, and don't worry about the full body action… as you can see from this chapter, it is well on its way ;) *evil smirk* though it will be T rated. As my friend Dom-Dom so wonderfully advertised, I blush just writing the making out scenes, lol.**

**Tymbur1: ****Thanks for the virtual hug! And I'm so glad you read all nine chapters and enjoyed! Argh, I can't tell you how annoyed I am that they just skipped over the aftermath (though I'm sure this fic paints quite a good picture, lol).**

**Palmer Blu: ****Thank you so much for both your compliment and your encouragement! They both mean the world to me and I'm so happy I didn't disappoint! :D**

**Phantomreg: ****Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy this new update!**

**UnoriginallyAnonymous1531: ****If I fail my neuroanatomy practical tomorrow because I wrote instead of studying I'm blaming you ;D haha just kidding! I had no intention of updating today, but then I saw your review and I was like "Hey, who am I to disappoint?" Lol, so thanks so much for the review and I hope you enjoy this update!**


	11. Burnt to Ash: Part I

**Burnt to Ash: Part I**

**A/N: As you can see the next few chapters will either be two or three parts. I plan of having the second part up either tomorrow or the day after. This is because I wrote all of this in one go and it is WAAAY too long to have as one chapter. I have part II written, I just need to edit it. This isn't the end of the story! It's just one chapter split up! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited. It means the world to me! Individual thanks at the bottom.**

**Disclaimer: I own my imagination, not this TV series.**

"Hey Spence! You feeling Chinese or pizza?" Derek yelled as he riled through the many take-out menus stuffed in the drawer of his lounge cabinet.

"Neither." Spencer replied walking into the room, towelling his post-shower hair dry as he did so.

"Why neith – oh!"

Spencer slung the towel so it draped over his shoulder before looking up at the older agent curiously. "What?"

"You're wearing your glasses."

"Yes."

"Why?"

Spencer furrowed his brows. "So I can see?"

Derek scoffed before elaborating. "I know it's so you can see, I may not be a genius but I'm not _that _dim. I meant why aren't you wearing your contacts?"

"I threw them out my second day here. My whole body was itching; I didn't want my eyes to itch too."

"So why are you only wearing them now?"

Spencer shrugged. "They would have hurt my eyes too much during… during, you know." He looked down, still too ashamed to say it for what it was. He looked up suddenly, a thought having occurred to him. "Why, do they bother you?"

Derek recognised the real question lurking beneath what Spencer had actually said – not 'do they bother you?' but rather 'do you like them?' Well, that one wasn't hard to answer…

"Quite the opposite actually."

Spencer smiled shyly at him and Derek couldn't help but smile back.

"I've been told I look abhorrently geeky wearing them."

"Some of us like the geeky look."

Spencer frowned at Derek, misinterpreting his truth for teasing.

"Would you prefer the term hipster?" Derek asked, a knowing smirk gracing his face as he rectified the situation.

"Absolutely not!"

Derek laughed and turned to continue rifling through his drawer.

"Pizza or Chinese?" He asked again.

"Neither."

"I didn't give you a third option Spence."

"Derek come on, you stuffed me to capacity during lunch!"

"You say that every time we eat a meal and you always live to see another one and eat just as much so you'd better choose or I'll choose for you."

"I don't like either of those options. They're both prepared in decidedly unsanitary conditions with less than desirable produce that has more than passed its factory administered sell-by date."

"Maybe." Derek replied noncommittally, still searching the drawer. "Tastes good though."

"How you have a body like yours with an attitude like that is beyond me!" Spencer said exasperatedly, arms flailing about. "And if you don't stop feeding me the copious amounts of nourishment that you do and forcing cholesterol-loaded, high kilojoule take-out down my throat like some sort of paradoxically backwards parent, then I'm going to become morbidly obese and –"

Spencer was duly cut off by his fellow profiler, who had firmly wrapped his arms around him and kissed him square on the lips.

"W-what was that for?" Spencer asked once Derek broke away and he had regained his composure.

"You used big words."

"_What?_"

"Nothing… it's just… you're so much more yourself now you know?" _You're not Dilauded Spencer, you're _my _Spencer. _Though Derek didn't feel it pertinent to tell him that.

The younger agent nodded his head eagerly and smiled a genuine smile. "I know what you mean. I'm not one hundred percent yet, I'm still feeling some of the side-effects, but I'm getting there."

"I'm proud of you man." Derek beamed, placing his hand on Spencer's shoulder and squeezing for emphasis.

Spencer sighed and rolled his eyes in defeat. "Pizza. We had Chinese not too long ago."

"Your wish is my command." Derek uttered, before turning around and heading in the direction of the kitchen to grab the phone on the wall, his cell battery having died only moments before.

He stopped abruptly and turned back around to face Spencer as a thought occurred to him. "What was that you said right before going on about force-feeding and obesity?"

"What?" Spencer replied quickly, his voice rising an octave and the surprised look on his face blatantly forced.

"You know." Derek said, taking slow steps back towards where Spencer was standing. "It had something to do about my choice in food."

Spencer shuffled nervously where he stood.

"Also, you mentioned something about my attitude, though that's not quite it…" He edged closer to the younger profiler who was beginning to look more and more like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Ah, that's it, something about 'the body I have'. Would you mind elaborating on that?" And the smirk he wore was so teasing and so suggestive that Spencer could do little more than stutter out his reply.

"I – I d-don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh I think you do."

"I really don't!" Spencer squeaked. "I don't remember half of what I say most of the time.

"Doctor Reid." Derek admonished humorously, playing with the towel draped of Spencer's shoulder in a way that hinted at precisely where his thoughts were headed. The room suddenly felt a lot warmer to Spencer than the shower that he had just stepped out of minutes before. "I think we both know that that's a lie."

Spencer ducked his head, both in embarrassment and at being caught out, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips. "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen ordering food?"

"And miss this opportunity of putting you on the spot? I don't think so."

"Derek?"

"Yes?"

"You're embarrassing me."

Derek snorted at the younger profiler's shyness before turning on his heel and retreating back to the kitchen. He wasn't the kind of person who needed someone to articulate their feelings for him to know they were there; just the knowing was enough for him and with Spencer, he _knew._

Spencer smiled bashfully at being caught out. He lifted his eyes from their current spot on the floor and they came to rest on Derek's cell phone sitting on the coffee table. He picked up the now useless piece of technology and plugged it into the wall to charge, knowing that Derek would want to be the first to be notified should there be any sort of emergency. As soon as its backlight came on he switched on the phone and punched in the pin, vaguely surprised that he knew this piece of information, from where, he wasn't entirely sure.

Not five seconds after Spencer had switched the cell phone on did it emit a cacophony of noise as various text messages and missed phone call alerts popped up on the screen. The younger profiler was about to put the phone down when it began to ring and Hotch's name flashed on the screen.

"Derek!" Spencer yelled towards the kitchen, but the only response he received was the faint echo of the older profiler's voice as he fought with the clearly incompetent pizza delivery man on the other end of the phone.

Shrugging to himself, Spencer decided to answer the phone and let Hotch know that Derek was busy rather than have him miss the call entirely.

Spencer's thumb had barely left the green 'answer' button before Hotch began speaking hurriedly on the other end.

"Morgan, I told you to keep your phone on you at all times due to the nature of this case. You were right, the unsub was picking his victims based on their academic and financial records. Garcia managed to cross check the victim's records and track their locations… leading us directly to his place of residence."

When their unit chief was met with nothing but silence he questioned hesitantly into the phone. "Morgan?"

But there was no reply.

Spencer couldn't even begin to try and organise his thoughts through the haze of betrayal and anger that had descended upon him as quickly as a harsh wind. How could he have been so naïve? No, how could he have been so _stupid? _What possible, plausible reason could Strauss possibly have to give the entire team an unplanned weeks' vacation?

He was humiliated and he was incensed. But more than being angry with himself and his ignorance, he was angry with the team for playing him like a fool. He was angry at Hotch for being the conductor in this twisted orchestra, but more than anything he was angry with Derek; for manipulating him in his time of need and treating his vulnerability like it was a terminal disease, like he couldn't handle the hard truth that maybe he needed time off when no one else on the team did.

The more Spencer thought about it, the more furious he became and he gripped the phone against his ear so tightly he was mildly surprised when it didn't snap in half.

He hadn't even registered Hotch's anxious voice on the other end of the line, repeatedly calling out Derek's name before going silent for a small while and hesitantly whispering out a barely audible "Reid?"

The young man suddenly found his drifting mind snapped back to reality and he noticed Derek walk into the lounge at the same time Hotch called out his name.

Without even a second thought Spencer marched up to Derek, the warm smile quickly falling from the older man's face as he took in Spencer's rage, before the phone was promptly thrust in his face and Spencer stormed away, not trusting himself to not do something completely stupid with the source of his anger only mere feet away from him.

He found himself in the kitchen and began to pace back and forth furiously, his thoughts flying through his head as he ran his hands up and down and through his hair.

He was just so, so _mad _at Derek for lying to him. He had practically bared his soul in the days that he had been in Derek's house, and had he known about the dirty little secret looming over them he would never have revealed half the things that had come out of his mouth. He felt violated in a way that not even Tobias had managed to achieve and he hated Derek for doing that; for tarnishing that trust and thrusting him right back to the very beginning of his entire ordeal.

So insistent was his pacing and so macabre were his thoughts that he didn't hear the hesitant footfalls even as they entered the room he was moving within.

He did, however, hear Derek clear his throat and murmur out a tentative "Spence?" before he whirred around and crossed his arms brutally in front of his chest, the viciousness behind the movement causing Derek to wince. _At least he has the decency to be ashamed._

When Derek wasn't forthcoming in saying anything else Spencer merely quirked an eyebrow, impatience radiating off of him in waves as he waited for the older agent's pitiful explanation.

"Look I get you're mad," Derek began, "but you have to know why we didn't tell you the truth."

"Actually _Morgan, _I don't even have an inkling as to why you found it pertinent to lie to me, so maybe you should explain it?" Spencer seethed venomously.

"Look Kid." The older agent started, taking a step forwards while Spencer took a step back. "Lying is never okay, but this situation is an exception."

Spencer's mouth dropped open in incredulity at Derek's words. "I'm a _situation _now?"

"Spence, you know that's not what I meant –"

"'This situation is an exception'?" Spencer began to laugh harshly, the sound painful to Derek's ears. "Do you realise how ridiculously _backwards _that is?"

"Yeah, I get it, it's a double standard, but that doesn't mean it wasn't without reason –"

"Hello pot."

"What?" Derek asked, clearly confused.

"I'm kettle, and guess what? You're black!"

"Ha. Ha." The older profiler ground out without a trace of humour to be found in his voice. "You're just hilarious." He finished sarcastically.

"No, what's hilarious is the fact that you know that you've set a double standard and yet you don't see a single thing wrong with it."

"I didn't say I didn't see a single thing wrong with it Spencer." Derek retorted. "But it was inevitable. Come on man, you know that you would never have taken the time off that you needed to get better if you knew that the rest of the team was still at work, and then where would you be?"

"Home, alone, with the only person I can trust apparently."

Derek recoiled at the harshness of Spencer's words and the barely concealed undertones of what he was implying.

"You seriously think that the only person you can trust is yourself?"

"Well after this little revelation it would certainly seem that way."

"Like you're able to trust yourself alone at home… with Dilauded?"

The silence that descended within the room was deafening. It was taut with tension and wrung so tight that had a pin actually dropped the atmosphere would have shattered and scattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

The pained expression that overtook Spencer's face could only hint at the hurt that he was really feeling, an utter look of betrayal and resentment shining in his now glazed eyes – the emotions as potent as the disgust that Derek was now feeling towards himself.

"Spence I –"

"I think I'll be going now." Spencer said, as he rushed to barge past Derek and out of the kitchen, forcing the older agent back towards the threshold.

"No Spence, listen –"

"No you listen! This is exactly what I'm talking about! You know my dependency revolts me more than anything else in this entire world. You know that I hate myself for being weak and letting it get this far, and you _know _that I'm more scared of being alone to deal with this then I am of anything else in my life right now; but still, you have to throw it in my face and make me even more regretful than I already am! Morgan… this has been nothing short of humiliating for me and one of the biggest trials that I've ever had to face. Obviously you feel the same way and I know now that I've asked too much of you, so thank you for all you've done, but if you could just step aside, I'm going home now."

Spencer tried to manoeuvre around Derek as he stood in the doorway, but he huffed in agitation when the broad-shouldered man didn't move an inch.

"Please move." Spencer hissed, before back peddling and running his hands through his hair, trying to control his rapidly rising and uncharacteristically short temper.

"You're pissed as hell, I get that, but you're not leaving this house."

"IT'S NOT UP TO YOU ANYMORE!" Spencer yelled exasperated. "I'm cutting you out!"

"That's fine." Derek replied easily, leaning against the entryway and looking completely unfazed. "But you'll just have to cut me out from inside this house. You've only been here a week, you're not leaving until you've served your full ten day sentence."

"D-Derek… you – I… you can't –"

"Make you stay here? Well seeing as I locked the front door after my call from Hotch and stashed away the key I'd say I can. Look Spence," Derek said, as he walked from out of the entryway, "I'm sorry that I lied to you but you know I wouldn't have done that if I had seen any other choice. I'm sorry you feel so betrayed and I get that you're having a serious case of cabin fever and just want to get back to your own environment, but I meant what I said about sticking this through. Whether we're talking or not, friends or not, or even fighting or not, we're going to see these next three days through to the finish. Even if you walk out of here never wanting to speak to me or see my face again, you'll be walking out of here sober, and that's good enough for me."

For a moment, Derek thought that he had actually gotten through to him; that Spencer would have seen the logic behind his thoughts and appreciated the difficult position that the older agent had been put in.

For a moment, he really thought that all would have been forgiven and that things would have gone back to the way they were.

But that moment was shattered as quickly as the pace at which Spencer brushed past Derek, marching through the lounge and up the stairs as quickly as his legs could carry him, the sharp and resounding crack of Derek's guest room door slamming shut behind him being the only thing to follow the younger agent's disappearance.

Derek pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes as he ground out a sigh.

It was going to be a long night, and if things didn't improve, an even longer three days were sure to follow.

**Okay so again this isn't the end! It's literally just one chapter split into parts and the rest of the story will follow after. To those of you who are wanting more fluff etc… it's coming ;)**

**KimOfDrac: ****I don't even have words to adequately respond to your review in order to communicate my gratitude. Seriously. In one review you not only put some of my fears to rest, but you really just made me proud of what I'm putting out and so unbelievably happy that people are not only enjoying it but appreciating it as well! To hear that you think it's "close to perfection" is, in short, amazing and so the only thing I can say is thank you x infinity. I give to you a thousand virtual hugs!**

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**Wainwright: ****Thank you for your review and sorry this update took longer than usual! But fret not, the next chapter will be up sometime in the next two days ****. I figured I wouldn't have enough time to write due to finals… turns out my muse has other plans for me :/**

**Tessalationx13: ****Oh my goodness three reviews for each chapter! I feel very special :P your reviews made my day when I saw them! Hehe thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it and hope this chapter doesn't frustrate you too much :P Good things to come I promise! And thank you for the good luck wishes!**

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**A1fictiongrl: ****Thanks so much! I don't know maybe I'm too fluffy but I'm convinced he's only big and bad on the outside ;) hehe, I think we can all agree that he has a big heart and I like to think that had any of this happened, he would have reacted in this way ****.**

**Mia: ****Your wish for full body action is my command… hehe, why else would this be part one of a two/three part chapter ;) It's just getting too damn long! :P I'm really glad you enjoyed it and thanks for your review!**

**Klagana1: ****Thanks so much for your review! I'm really happy you liked it and enjoyed the moment ****.**


	12. Burnt to Ash: Part II

**Wow! Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews! You guys are amazing! Individual comments below and Part III to follow shortly!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

**Burnt to Ash: Part II**

Derek wasn't entirely sure how much time had passed, but he knew that it was well into the night, based on the all-consuming blackness of the dark sky and the weariness he felt as his eyes continually tried to close.

No matter how much he urged for sleep to claim him, he found that he could not cross that line into unconscious bliss; his mind was too buzzed with thoughts and replays surrounding his current predicament that he knew that any hope for sleep was futile.

Presently, he sat on his worn couch in the lounge, elbows resting on his knees and his head buried in his hands.

To say that he felt terrible was a colossal understatement. He knew that he had made a mistake in lying to Spencer, but he honestly believed in what he had said when he claimed that he really didn't have any other choice. He was mad at himself for making Spencer feel so betrayed, but he knew better than to take most of what Spencer had said to heart. The younger agent had a raging temper – courtesy of the side-effects of the withdrawal – and so although his insults had stung, Derek chose to ignore them. It wasn't the fact that Derek had lied to him so much as the fact that the rest of team would view Spencer as in need of being looked after that probably upset the younger profiler, and Derek could understand that.

He would feel the exact same way too.

Wearily he rubbed his eyes and heaved a sigh, the temptation to go and grab a drink overwhelming him. He had been wanting one from the moment he had heard the guest bedroom door slam shut behind Spencer, but knew he couldn't. He had to be on his A-game, to be there for his younger counterpart.

Slowly, Derek stood and stretched out his aching muscles. Clearly he had been hunched over his coffee table for quite a while, just thinking.

Resolutely, he decided that he needed to at least try and get some sleep in order to face the dreaded day that tomorrow would bring. He went about his nightly ritual on the lower level of his house, turning off lights and electronics and other such things.

He had just switched off the main light in the lounge and was about to ascend the stairs when a muffled scream met his ears.

His hand froze where it hovered above the light switch, listening intently and convinced that it was just his imagination.

But then he heard it again; soft and quiet and desperate and distinctly Spencer.

He didn't even hesitate before dashing up the stairs, slowing down once he reached the top landing only to yank open the door as quietly as he could in a vain attempt not to startle the younger profiler. He was unbelievably relieved when he found that the door was unlocked.

Carefully he stepped into the now silent room. He frowned in confusion as his eyes raked over the prone form lying on top of the bed – Spencer hadn't even bothered to get under the covers.

Derek thought that perhaps it had only been his imagination that his perpetual worrying over the younger agent had manifested itself as a sleep-deprived delusion, until he looked more carefully at how the pale light of the moon reflected off of Spencer's alabaster skin; revealing him to be sweating profusely, gripping the bed covers with all his might and his eyes squeezed shut in what can only be described as absolute terror.

Without warning Spencer snapped onto his side so quickly he looked to be having a seizure, before he began to scratch at the crook of his elbow, his breathing harsh and raspy and laboured.

Physically, he was fighting off a malicious spectre that wasn't really there, though it didn't take much for Derek to guess at who Spencer was envisioning. He gripped the inlet of his elbow tighter before whimpering in a way that was akin to a trapped and frightened animal.

Desperately, almost painfully, he inhaled a shaky breath and whispered "Don't" into the night air, before he began to scratch at his arm once again.

It was only when Derek noticed the trails of blood seeping from the now fresh wound on Spencer's arm that the older agent was spurred into action; the knowledge that Spencer was hurting himself releasing the horde of protectiveness that he had kept on a firm leash inside of him.

He hurried over to the side of the bed and tentatively reached an arm out, trying to figure out the best way to wake up his clearly distressed counterpart.

"Spence." He said, grasping his friend's shoulder.

"Spencer." He said more firmly when the younger man didn't wake and his nightmare only seemed to intensify.

When he began clawing at his already bloodied wound Derek clamped his hand over Spencer's offending one, effectively stopping the young agent from doing any more damage, before squeezing his shoulder and giving him a slight shake.

"Spencer!"

The volume of Derek's voice somehow managed to reach through the fog that was the pale-skinned man's night terror. He jolted awake and tried to jump off of the bed all in one movement, his head missing butting into Derek's own by barely an inch thanks to the quick reflexes of the older agent.

"Hey, whoa, Spence calm down." Derek said, trying to get a firm hold on his companion so that he could get him to try and relax.

The action had the opposite effect as Spencer; still resting on the precipitous edge of his nightmare, registered only danger and force behind the powerful arms trying to restrain him… not unlike the arms that had held him captive for two days only weeks ago.

"No… please!" He wailed, as he swatted at Derek's arms and fought him with all his might.

"Hey, hey ,hey. Spence it's me!" He grasped his face and looked right into his eyes. "It's Derek."

Spencer's eyes widened in realisation and then began to dart around the room, trying to localise his surroundings. His face was a mask of confusion for quite a while before he looked back to Derek and fully registered where he was and who he was with; the older agent's thumb stroking his cheek soothing him into a sense of security.

He released an exhausted sigh before leaning forwards and resting his head on Derek's chest, grasping both of his wrists as he did so and finding comfort in the steady pulse that he could feel beneath the skin.

Derek's relief was short-lived as he sat down on the edge of the bed and thought just how cruel fate was – now that Spencer's symptoms had finally eased enough for him to be able to sleep comfortably the whole night through, he was plagued by nightmares. The kid really couldn't catch a break.

Noticing that his companion's breath was still raspy and had yet to even out, Derek encircled his arms around the shaking man, his hand running up and down his back in a comforting way that he hoped would help his fellow agent to calm down.

After a while it seemed to work and Derek reached over to flick on the bedside lamp before pushing back slightly so that he could look into Spencer's face.

"You okay?" He questioned, concern evident in his voice.

Spencer's only response was to nod in reply.

"You sure?"

The responding shake of his head was imperceptible, but there nonetheless. Derek sighed dejectedly, not entirely sure what to do in the situation. Spencer was so obvioulsy _not _okay.

"What was it about?" He asked, knowing full well what had haunted Spencer's dreams, but at too much of a loss to say anything else.

When Spencer didn't reply, he followed the younger agent's line of sight to the crook of his elbow, where dry blood caked around the puncture wounds on his arm. Spencer was disgusted when he noticed that the blood had dried and matted beneath his fingernails too.

"Hey, it's okay." Derek said, as he grasped Spencer's hand and held it closer to him so that it was out of the younger man's sight.

"I'm really sorry." Spencer said.

"What?"

"I'll pay to have it replaced." He said, gesturing towards the ruined white covers that were spotted crimson.

"Ah Spence, I could care less about the bed covers right now, all I care about is whether or not you're alright." He paused. "Are you?"

Spencer shook his head and brought his free hand to rub at his tired eyes. "I don't know."

"Tell me about it." Derek said softly, pushing back some of Spencer's tangled hair. "Talking about it might help."

Spencer smiled sadly and ran his hand over his tired face. "I don't think words are going to help me this time." And with that he unhooked has hand from Derek's own and got up slowly, making his way into the guest room's en suite bathroom before closing the door gently behind him.

Derek had the ugliest sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. Spencer's parting words had been said with such conviction and so little emotion that he feared that the two of them had been thrust right back to where all of this started. He couldn't pin-point exactly what was going on in the younger agent's head, but he didn't like the feelings the small glimpse into his state-of-mind had brought upon him.

He knew that his friend was hurting… and he felt powerless and incapable of stopping that.

It was as Spencer sought solace in the warm quiet of the bathroom that he reached his decision. Slowly, so as to allow himself enough time to assemble his thoughts together, he finished wiping down his bloodied arm and did his best to wash his hands and clean under his fingernails.

Looking into the mirror, he found that he was visibly pale and his body shook with slight tremors, his damp hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. Clearly the nightmare had affected him more than he cared to admit, and he never thought that he'd ever have to acknowledge the day where he, Spencer Reid, was afraid of a dead man.

Sighing heavily, he splashed some water on his face before patting it down with a towel, trying to muster up as much courage as he could possibly fathom. He then turned on his heel and opened the bathroom door.

Derek was pulled out of his morbid musings by the sound of the bathroom door being opened.

He turned towards the source of the sound and had to squint his eyes against the backdrop of light in order to see his fellow profiler; forcing himself to stifle his laugh at the surprised expression on Spencer's face.

"I'm not leaving Spence." And he was thankful to note that Spencer's frown lines faded away as relief took their place. Truthfully, Derek still feared the repercussions from their earlier argument.

Hastily, the younger agent sat back down on the bed and resumed his spot prior to cleaning himself up in the bathroom. Derek acknowledged his now clean arm with an appreciative look but otherwise said nothing; even if he was concerned about the angry red welts Spencer's scratching had caused.

He placed a comforting hand on the younger agent's knee and squeezed, stroking with his thumb and urging Spencer to look him in the eyes.

"Come on Spence, talk to me." He begged when Spencer did not look up; worry slowly overwhelming each crevice of his face.

"I – I think… no, I – can't. Sorry I can't. I'm so sorry but I just… I – can't and… I can't!"

"Okay!" Derek hushed. "Okay, that's okay, just calm down, try and even out your breathing." He said in a desperate attempt to keep Spencer from having the panic attack that he was on the verge of taking.

Derek moved one hand to push Spencer's head down and the other to rub up and down his back – both in an attempt to calm him down and aid his breathing.

If he wasn't worried before he was most certainly worried now. Spencer had gone from being seemingly okay to breaking down in less than a heartbeat and Derek wished more than anything that he knew what had happened in that cabin when the webcam hadn't been streaming. At least then he would know what to do. At least then he would know how to _help._

Seconds agonisingly turned into minutes, and only when Derek was sure that Spencer had his breathing under control did he grasp his shoulders and pull him to sit up, startled as heavy-lidded, fearful eyes met his own.

"Spencer." Derek said seriously, getting a firmer grip on his shoulders and ensuring that he had the younger man's complete attention. "I hate to do this but please, _please, _tell me what happened."

Spencer blinked rapidly, as if he was only now returning to consciousness. "Dreams and their various interpretations should not be made to hold much value in terms of their reflections of the human unconscious. Sure, dream analysis has its credits, and Freud did account for many psychological disparities in his psychoanalytic theory, however –"

"Spence." Derek cut in, urging the younger profiler out of his academic ramble. "I wasn't talking about the dream."

Spencer sighed in defeat and closed his eyes. "I know."

The only thing that followed his statement, was a thick silence filled with tension as Spencer tried to devise a way out of the conversation while Derek ensured that he wouldn't let it go.

When Spencer realised that they had reached a stalemate and that the older agent was not going to back down he switched tactics. Begging.

"Derek please, don't make me do this."

"Spencer. I haven't forced you into doing anything you don't want to do, aside from forcing you into my house and hiding the key, though that was for a valid a reason." Derek smirked, pleased when Spencer gave him a small smile in return. "But I have to force you to tell me this."

"Derek please –"

"No Reid. I don't know what happened in there and it's killing me. _Clearly _it's had an effect on you, beyond the obvious and beyond the drugs and I need to know."

"Why?"

"Why? Let's see, maybe first and foremost because I care about you, and right now you're scaring the hell out of me man."

Spencer looked at him, with smouldering doe-brown eyes both apologising and pleading all at the same time.

Derek was surprised when he felt Spencer's hand on his forearm, crawling its way upward, but he would not be waylaid.

"Also." He continued, trying to ignore the sensation of Spencer's skin coming into contact with his own as his trailing hand left tingles in their wake. "I need to know what it is you're battling with, I can't help you if I don't know what I'm up against…" Derek trailed off, suddenly breathless as Spencer's hand grasped the back of his neck and his other hand came to rest on Derek's thigh.

Well this was certainly… unexpected.

"You can't protect me from everything Derek." Spencer whispered into the air. "Least of all from my own mind." The sad lilt to his voice indicating the double meaning of his words that Derek had been aware of ever since the Fisher King case.

"This is different to that Spence, and you know it."

"Hmmm…" Spencer hummed, pulling Derek closer as the hand that had been resting on his thigh came into contact with the hem of his shirt. "Maybe, but do we _really _want to talk about that right now?"

Derek's mouth dropped open as he met Spencer's intense gaze. "Yes Spencer we do! And you're not going to distract me like you did last time." He warned.

Spencer huffed at Derek's persistence before replying seriously. "I'm not trying to."

"Then why won't you just tell me?"

"Because it's not something you just tell someone Derek!" Spencer looked at him intently before he continued. "I mean what am I supposed to say? 'Oh hey Derek, remember when I was kidnapped, drugged and tortured for two days? Yeah well, would you like to know the specifics?'"

"To which I would reply, 'Yes!'"

Spencer stared at him for a moment before sighing, defeated. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Pushing for an answer? You don't need to know everything; I don't want you to know everything."

"Why not?"

"Because you won't look at me the same!"

"That's not true Spence." Derek said insistently, leaning forwards so that he could press their foreheads together. "Please. I want to help you. Tell me how I can I help you."

For a moment Derek could hear nothing but his own heartbeat and both his and Spencer's laboured breaths. Then, quietly, so hesitantly that he almost missed it, did he hear the desperate plea.

"You can help me forget."

**That's a terrible cliff-hanger and I'm a terrible person I know. But fret not! Part III will be up either tomorrow or the day after that! I'm almost finished writing it and then just need to edit. **

**People Person I'm Not: ****Thanks so much for your really helpful review and helping me avoid further confusion with my first A/N! *hugs* I'm so excited to read chapter two of mind games, I'm going to read it straight after I post this **

**Wainwright: ****Your review was so amazing to read! Seriously, it makes me so happy to hear that you look forward to my updates, lol, my muse is working double I tell you, but I've written two exams so far and they've both seems okay, so I'm not really seeing a problem here, are you? ;)**

**20000 WPM: ****Whoa! Thanks so much for your awesomely long review! Seriously! I completely agree with everything you said! I know there's no apology in this chapter but don't worry it does come. It's a bit too much of a hectic thing to have happened to just let it slide you know?**

**Marcallie: ****That's so awesome! Hehe, I feel so special :P English was my favourite subject in school and I miss it all the time so I'm glad my fic is being worked in some way **

**Phantomreg: ****Thank you so much for both your review and your compliment! It really means a lot to me and certainly keeps me motivated to keep on going!**

**Omgnotagain: ****I'm so happy to hear you say that! Truthfully I was really worried people might be a bit annoyed with this chapter and see it as more of a filler so I'm really glad you liked it!**

**Mia: ****I'm so happy to hear you say that in your review! We definitely think along the same lines! Hehe, you probably hate me for my cliff-hanger ;) but I really hope I don't disappoint and make it up to you in part III ;) Thanks so much for your awesome review!**


	13. Burnt to Ash: Part III

**Burnt to Ash: Part III**

**A/N: I seriously have THE best readers in the entire world! Thank you so much to the story and author alerts and favs, and most importantly your amazing reviews! You guys have no idea how much they mean to me and they are the reason why I'm posting this today instead of tomorrow! I sat down and WROTE yesterday because I felt so bad about that cliff-hanger :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them… yet ;)**

"_That's not true Spence." Derek said insistently, leaning forwards so that he could press their foreheads together. "Please. I want to help you. Tell me how I can I help you."_

_For a moment Derek could hear nothing but his own heartbeat and both his and Spencer's laboured breaths. Then, quietly, so hesitantly that he almost missed it, did he hear the desperate plea._

"_You can help me forget."_

Derek sat back startled, certain that he had heard wrong. He looked, searching into Spencer's eyes, suddenly so warm and ablaze with intensity that his heart sputtered at the sight. He knew that he had heard right… he had definitely heard right.

But still he took his time, breaking the rules and profiling the younger agent, needing to be certain that he hadn't misinterpreted what had been said, that he hadn't missed an obscure double meaning to what was heard.

He didn't need an affirmation in the form of words… Spencer's heated gaze told him all that he needed to know.

Without a moment's hesitation, Spencer leant forwards and planted his lips firmly onto Derek's, smiling into the kiss and communicating everything that he wanted to say through the single action alone.

Derek didn't know how to react at first; torn between what was right and what he wanted, not even realising that perhaps they could be the same thing.

He tried breaking away, several times in fact, but Spencer's lips kept pulling him in, forcing him back for more and not even allowing it to be a conscious decision on his part. Like the song of a siren he was bewitched, powerless to stop his body's actions and the feelings that this stirred up inside of him.

As Spencer's breath ghosted over his lips and mingled with his own, he knew that he had never been more enticed into doing something than he was right now.

A pale hand slowly made its way up and under his shirt, and he knew that he had to act before he breached the wall of no return; the point of which he was rapidly approaching at an alarmingly fast rate.

"Spencer." He said, breaking away from the younger agent and looking into his soft eyes gorgeously tainted with lust – the sight of which certainly wasn't going to make the quest for abstinence any easier.

It was only when Spencer raised an eyebrow in expectation that Derek realised that he had been having an inner battle with himself for far longer than was deemed socially appropriate.

Focusing his gaze on his fellow profiler he opened his mouth to speak before snapping it shut as words evaded him. He grappled so hard with himself to try and find the words necessary to communicate what it was that he wanted to say, that he was dismayed when he noticed Spencer avert his eyes in disappointment and start to pull away.

Hastily he grabbed his wrist and blurted out the single most prominent thought that was circling within his head. "I don't want to hurt you!"

Spencer's eyes widened in surprise, and his mouth took on the shape of a slight 'o' as a small gasp escaped him, but otherwise he didn't move away and for that, Derek was thankful.

He wasn't sure if Spencer was going to reply or not, but he continued on so quickly from where he left off that Spencer wouldn't have gotten a single word in even if he had wanted to.

"I mean…" He trailed off, not wanting to offend or embarrass the younger profiler but desperately needing to tell him the truth so that he would understand. "You've been sick for a while now, especially over these last few days and I just… want you to be okay you know?"

Spencer snorted derisively but with good humour plastered on his face.

"You and the team," he mused, "always treating me like I'm a porcelain doll." And he lazily began to move his lips against Derek's own, as if that explained everything.

Derek allowed himself a few moments to enjoy the sensation before he once again broke away to try and tell Spencer how important this was to him, because Spencer was someone he loved, and he couldn't stand the thought of being a source of pain to the one he loved.

"Spencer I'm serious." He said determinedly, his voice trying to convey some semblance of authority as the younger agent began to trace his lips down Derek's neck towards his chest – ignoring his objections with the reverence of a rebellious teenager.

"So am I." He murmured before latching onto the older agent's collarbone, eliciting a faint gasp.

_Where had he learned to do _that?

Derek breathed in deeply, urging his brain not to turn to fuzz as the feel of Spencer's lips on his skin threatened to overwhelm him.

"We only treat you like that because you're the youngest, you're automatically categorised as breakable; fragile."

Spencer puffed out a laugh before trailing back up Derek's neck, achingly slowly, until he was level with his face.

He stared into Derek's eyes with a gaze that could only be described as smouldering before he whispered huskily into the older man's ear. "Then maybe it's time I proved you wrong once and for all."

He didn't even bat an eyelid as he languidly consumed Derek's mouth with his own, the heat and force driving the kiss hinting at just how desperately Spencer wanted this, and Derek was powerless to do anything but reciprocate.

How long had he thought of this? How many times had he gazed at the younger profiler and yearned for something more? Something that was happening right this very moment? The fact that Spencer's mouth was so firmly pressed against his own, the fact that _he _was the one who had initiatedit and that he was stone-cold sober when he did so – It reached far and beyond any of Derek's hopes and expectations; it meant that Spencer wanted this, really wanted this, and he wanted him.

Derek needed no further prompting.

While Spencer clutched his neck, Derek grasped the hem of Spencer's shirt, raising it up and over his head as soon as the younger of the two moved his arms to allow him to do so.

He so desperately wanted to take in the sight… to run his hands over the flawless skin that he had yet to see and admire the contrast of their skin tones. But he never got the chance, because no sooner had Spencer's shirt come off did the young profiler latch his hands onto Derek's own and ensure that it followed – at a desperate yet glacial pace; _teasing_, Derek mused.

As they moved together once again the effect of skin-on-skin became paralysing. Whilst Derek was content to simply trail his hands along the ridges of Spencer's ribs and back, the younger agent wanted nothing more than to touch every inch of Derek's exposed skin. To bask in the sensations of which he had never felt before and relish in the firmly defined musculature that graced the older profiler's broad frame.

For some reason, the gesture was far more intimate than Derek was used to, and he could do nothing to stop the goose bumps that rose on his skin as his body gave a slight shudder under Spencer's touch.

Emboldened by this reaction, Spencer began to trace the contours of Derek's chest before trailing down to his stomach, the older agent pulling him tighter against his body; not able to get close enough.

Hesitantly, he felt the light touch of Spencer's fingertips as they came to rest on his belt buckle. Derek groaned in both anticipation and displeasure as he realised that there was one last thing he had to do before he could act upon his desires with a clear conscience.

"Spence." He said, laying his hand on top of his younger counterpart's and peering into his eyes. Spencer looked at him questioningly, his eyebrows furrowed in both surprise and confusion. "I'm really sorry."

The younger agent's eyes softened as he realised what Derek was referring to. "It's okay." He murmured, raising his hand and touching it to the older agent's cheek. "I overreacted, and I'm sorry too." A soft smile followed his words, and Derek knew that he had not only been forgiven for lying but for implying that Spencer couldn't trust himself as well.

"Just…" He continued, bringing Derek back to attention. "No more lying okay?"

"Never."

And the responding smile was so dazzling, white teeth gleaming so vibrantly in the night like a beacon that Derek saw no other choice but to lean forwards and resume what they had been doing mere moments before.

It was fiery yet controlled, desperate but tame, and so very _right. _Both men knew what they wanted from the other, impatient with longing but determined to take their time; to savour each moment and relish in the sensation of simply being with each other.

The hand that lay upon Derek's belt began to tug insistently, and the older agent was powerless to do anything but let Spencer undress him, awed at his insistence and finding comfort in being the one to be taken care of for once, to follow without having to worry about losing the lead.

It was a new experience for the both of them, and Spencer's clothes promptly followed, though at a far more hesitant and reserved pace.

Derek seized the opportunity to simply _look. _He lay the younger agent down and rested his palm on his chest, observing the shadow that was his hand as it nestled against the skin; moving up and down with Spencer's breathing at a steady, if not slightly heightened, rhythm.

Spencer squirmed under all the attention, feeling self-conscious and inadequate compared to the man hovering above him.

Derek smiled earnestly in response to his bashfulness, and realised that this side of his temperament was one of the things that he loved the most about him. He found that he enjoyed the thought of being able to make Spencer feel perfect, but more than that, he enjoyed the idea that, God willing, they would be together for a long enough time for him to make good on that promise.

He felt the younger agent's heartbeat thrum to life beneath his palm, and it pleased him to know that he was capable of eliciting that kind of reaction. Unable to stop himself, and not entirely sure why he did it, he lay his head against the humming skin and listened to the steady beat of Spencer's heart. It comforted him in a way that the younger agent's quiet assurances of 'I'm okay' and 'I'm safe' never could.

It was only with his ear pressed against Spencer's chest, waiting for each beat like the guidance of a metronome that he realised the impact that Tobias Hankel had had on him as well. The fact that he needed assurance from Spencer's own heart as he squeezed him tighter with each constriction, proved how shocking and positively paralytic the idea of the younger profiler being torn away from him and simply not existing truly was.

It was too painful for him to even begin to comprehend and it was almost as painful as the notion that it took them so long to reach this point.

As if sensing his companion's tumultuous emotions Spencer lay perfectly still, allowing Derek the time he needed to compartmentalise his thoughts and feelings, tracing calming circles on his back in the moments when his breathing became ragged.

After some time, the shadows giving no indication as to how long, Derek looked up and into Spencer's eyes before smiling up at him in a soundless 'thank you'.

"I love you."

Was the reply he recieved, and his small smile evolved into a wide grin before he moved to kiss Spencer once again.

'Content' was a word that neither profiler had ever used to describe themselves before; always feeling the absence of something unknown and not being able to find it for this very same reason. But lying here together, in the middle of the night with the soft glow of the lamp providing subtle reassurance, Derek knew that the term 'lover' had come to mind for a reason, and he was overjoyed to realise that he had found his very own.

The night passed as slight gasps and shaky breaths breached the calm surface of the slightly chilled air, as two people found what they had been missing all along and fought with every fibre of their beings to claim it. To consume the very essence of what it meant to be loved and bask in the warm afterglow of simply knowing that the feeling was returned.

Later, once the air had become heavier and far more heated than it had been before, Derek cradled an already half-asleep Spencer in his arms. He had not had a full night's rest since Georgia, and the exhaustion was apparent in his features.

Carefully, the older agent combed his fingers through Spencer's hair, knowing that it was the final step that needed to be taken in order for Spencer to cross the bridge into oblivion, but for some reason, the younger man was fighting unconsciousness.

Though Spencer was drunk on the sheer amount of endorphins surging throughout his body, he couldn't help the tinge of fear that spiked to the forefront of his mind at the prospect of going to sleep, of reliving what had happened, of envisioning memories that he'd much rather forget.

As if knowing exactly what was holding him back, Derek pressed a kiss to his sweaty forehead, peppering kisses on every possible inch of skin that covered his face and adjusting his head to rest in the crook of his dark neck.

It was his scent more than the action itself that managed to calm Spencer down and dispel his fears, quenching his need for assurance and sating his desire for the promise of someone _being _there.

As the blackness behind his closed eyelids became more pronounced, he struggled to identify the peculiar feeling of security that cocooned him as solidly as Derek's arms.

It wasn't diverged from the feeling of love, though he had no doubt that the effects of that on his well-being were profound, no; this was something different, something he had never felt before, a feeling that had evaded him during his twenty-five odd years on this earth.

It was only as the abyss known as his unconscious began to take over did Spencer finally realise what that feeling was.

He fell asleep, in a warm embrace that made him both secure and safe, with one last resounding thought pulsating through his overactive mind…

_Home._

That's what the feeling was – after all his years – he felt at home.

And the notion itself ensured that he entered the realm of dreams with a smile on his face; all the while oblivious to Derek's gaze on him as he conducted his vigil, with nothing but adoration in his warm, brown eyes.

**So there it is! I really hope it lived up to everyone's expectations and that you guys aren't disappointed!**

**Pippan121: ****Thank you SO much for pointing that out! I'm really big on consistency and can't believe I made that mistake! I guess because I'm watching Season 6 at the moment I'm so used to Rossi. Honestly, I constantly have to remind myself that Gideon's a part of this timeline! I fixed the error as soon as I saw your review so thank you SO much again for pointing it out **** Glad you're enjoying! I'm not too sure about how long this story will be. Lol, it was only supposed to be a oneshot :P but I'm enjoying writing it so much I will definitely see it through to its completion **

**Mia: ****Hahahaha, no I was mean with that ending, I hope this chapter makes up for it though! Thank you for reviewing**

**Sally: ****Dearest Sally… I simply could not resist ;) Think of it as payback for your epic troll two weeks ago! I really hope you like this chapter! And I granted your wish… the shirt came off!**

**UnoriginallyAnonymous1531: ****Your review made me smile! Haha, and yours was definitely one of the reviews that prompted me to sit down and get this chapter done and posted. I honestly felt bad about the last chapter's ending :P**

**20000 WPM: ****Here's another quick update for you! I felt bad about the nightmare's too, but I remembered I had mentioned them in an earlier chapter and Spencer had just brushed it off, so I felt now was a good time to confront the issue **** Thank you for reviewing.**

**Palmer Blu: ****Thanks so much for the compliment and the review! I don't consciously think and plan the timeline and events ahead of writing so it's great to hear that you consider some of the chapters as plot twists!**

**Jamie1991: ****Omw thank you so much for the HUGE compliment as well as the review! It made my day and just wanted me to get this chapter out even faster!**

**Tessalationx13: ****Haha it really was hey! I really felt bad about that :P Thanks so much for review and I hope you enjoy this update!**

**Carlyxoxo: ****Keeping the characters in character (as much as they can be given that this is slash) is a BIG thing for me so I'm SO happy to hear you say that! The hilarious thing is that I actually don't really like slash, but for some reason with these two… I do :P Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like this update!**

**People Person I'm Not: ****I'd hate to toy with your sanity (or Sare's) haha, so here's the next update! I hope you like it!**

**KimOfDrac: ****Thank you so much! I just wanted to write after reading your reviews so I really hope you enjoy this update! Thank so much for the awesome reviews!**

**Wainwright: ****Hehe, yes it was rather evil of me, but hey! Here's the next update! Fastest I've ever updated :P thanks so much for the exam wishes! Oh and I love my double life… I often prefer this one to RL though… specifically during exam time :D Thanks so much for your review!**


	14. Flaming Smoke

**Flaming Smoke**

**A/N: SO sorry about the wait… it was a horrible exam week. This is my final week of torture so updates will be far more regular! Thank you to all the favourites, followers and definitely my reviewers! *Virtual hugs to you all!***

**Disclaimer: If I owned Criminal Minds I would NOT be writing exams.**

The early morning light filtered through the naked windows as the sun began its slow ascent into morning. It was no later than five o'clock, and the slightly bloodshot light was not yet strong enough to rouse even the lightest of sleepers – the inky darkness still dominant over the pre-dawn sky.

Sensing the beginning of a new day, a light-skinned agent pinched open an eye, raising his head slightly in what used to be the routine of his healthier days, the habit still entrenched within his subconscious despite everything that had happened to him over the last few weeks.

With the sweet calm of sleep still dulling his senses, he made as if to rise in order to ready himself for work, not yet registering where he was and the context of the situation surrounding him.

A heavy arm, which only registered to him as dead weight, gently forced him back down, enclosing him in a sphere of warmth and radiating an aura of security.

Vaguely he knew that something should be bothering him, that he was struggling with something that had rotted his life for some time now.

But as the softness of his pillow caressed his cheek and the familiar yet uncategorised wall of heat coated his back, he found that he could not bring himself to care.

He was once again lost to the world of dreams before he had even fully left them.

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

The pattern repeated itself for a second time before Spencer was able to fully awaken on the third.

Opening his eyes, he looked at the now curtained windows in confusion before realising that Derek must have closed them so that he would not be disturbed by the sun. The thought was both subtle and gentle and completely foreign to him. He had only been on the receiving end of such care from his mother… and that was only when she was at her most lucid, long, long ago when he had been a small child.

Languidly, he stretched out his long limbs, rolling onto his stomach and feeling rested yet exhausted all at the same time. He wondered what the time was and began to blush as his thoughts trailed back to the night prior and the events that had taken place.

He had never been happier.

"I thought I was going to have to pry you from the bed myself." Came a laughing voice from the doorway.

Spencer snorted with his eyes closed, his face nestling deeper into the pillow as he began to feel tired once again.

"Says the man who practically bound me to it every time I tried to get up." Was his tart reply.

Derek chuckled as he walked into the room. "I'm surprised you even remember that, you were in another world."

"Well let's just say –" Spencer began, but he was cut off when he couldn't stifle a yawn.

"You're still tired." Derek stated. It wasn't question.

"I don't know why I'm this tired. What's the time anyway?"

"Really? You have _no _idea why you're tired?" The older agent waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Derek!" Spencer groaned, in both amusement and embarrassment, burying his face in his pillow.

"I'm just joking, though I won't act like I'm not proud of myself."

Spencer mumbled something along the lines of 'you wouldn't' into his pillow, though Derek couldn't be sure.

Chuckling he leaned forwards and placed a kiss on the younger agent's bare shoulder. He received a lazy, half-lidded smile in return and vaguely registered the fact that he could get used to this before he began to speak again.

"I was thinking that maybe we should stop by your apartment today and pick up some of your things. It's Saturday and we'll be back at work on Monday and you need clothes."

Knowing that they had just entered into a serious topic of conversation Spencer tried his best to push himself up onto his elbow and look half awake.

Truthfully, he thought that his return to work would mark his return to his own apartment as well. But that was before things with Derek became so… heated. Serious.

As if sensing his lover's unspoken question Derek elaborated.

"I'd feel a lot better if you stayed here for maybe another week or two. With going back to work, the stress, the crime scenes and… I'm just worried you might…"

"Slip?" Spencer supplied. Though there was no ire in his tone.

"Yeah."

Spencer nodded slowly and thought of both the implications and ramifications of what Derek was suggesting.

"I think that's a good idea." He said truthfully.

Derek cracked a relieved smile before continuing on. "Great, I was worried you wouldn't be too keen on the idea. Anyway I thought that –"

But he was interrupted by the sight of Spencer's mouth stretching into yet another wide yawn as his eyes simultaneously fought to stay open.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"I really thought I was better company than that."

Spencer's eye widened in alarm as he thought he had offended his fellow profiler. "N-no Derek! I didn't mean… I mean I…"

Derek laughed before ruffling Spencer's already ruffled bed-hair and kissing him on the forehead. "Spence it's okay. You haven't slept the entire time you've been here and I doubt you got much in the weeks before that with everything you were going through."

He knew he had ascertained the truth when Spencer lowered his eyes.

"Just go back to sleep and rest some more. Your body's insisting so much because you need it. We can swing by your apartment later today."

"Yes Doctor Morgan." Spencer droned, burying his head deeper into his pillow.

"Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?"

"Hmmm." Was the measly reply he got response, and Derek knew that all semblance of a civil conversation had pretty gone out the window.

"I'll wake you up when it's time to go okay?"

"Hmmm."

Derek chuckled again before pecking the younger man's temple and tucking the blanket tighter around his body.

Carefully, he got up off the bed and quietly left the room, ensuring that he kept the door slightly ajar so that he would be able to hear if Spencer needed him.

Yes. This was most certainly something that Derek Morgan could see himself getting used to.

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

When the clock on his wall read four o'clock Derek knew he couldn't wait any longer. He had hoped that Spencer would have woken of his own accord, but he hadn't even heard a peep from upstairs to suggest that any movement had taken place.

They had to go to his apartment today so that Spencer would have enough time tomorrow to sort his things out and buffer himself mentally for returning to work the following day. Derek also wanted to take him out tomorrow to the park or something of the sort and reintroduce him to the hustle and bustle of the real world.

They had both been cooped up in Derek's house going on over a week now, and he didn't want Spencer to be overwhelmed on his first day back at work – not to mention the fact that they both _really _needed to get out of the house.

Quietly Derek climbed the stairs and made his way to the guest bedroom. He peered through the door and found Spencer out cold, in the exact same position he had left him in.

Instantly he felt bad about having to wake the younger agent. He reasoned that they could just go to Spencer's apartment tomorrow; except that Derek had literally run out everything remotely edible in his spotless kitchen. Living out of the fridge and pantry for over a week had certainly dwindled his food supply, and he _had _to go grocery shopping. The few microwave dinners in his freezer were simply not going to cut it for another night, and leaving Spencer alone was _not _an option – the full ten day withdrawal period wasn't over yet.

Sighing dejectedly he approached the bed and whispered into the younger profiler's ear.

"Spence."

When he received no response he tried again, louder this time. "Spencer, wake up."

He frowned when his lover made no attempt to move. He was an unnaturally light sleeper and this was certainly uncharacteristic of him.

Shaking his shoulder slightly, Derek tried again. "Spencer, you have to get up."

"Huh?" Came the muffled reply, and Derek released a breath that he hadn't even realised he'd been holding.

"It's four in the afternoon." He said in way of an answer. "We need to head out and grab your stuff before it gets dark."

Slowly, almost painfully so, Spencer turned his head to face Derek. He gazed at him through heavy-lidded eyes and looked both confused and disorientated.

Finally, realisation dawned on him, and he began to extricate himself from the bed sheets at a disjointed and effortful pace.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, his eyes ablaze with concern.

Spencer smiled at him in answer before stumbling his way into the bathroom for a quick shower, Derek's gaze following him the entire way.

The fact that Spencer hadn't even fretted at how late it was and that he had spent the entire day in bed worried Derek; but Spencer was routinely out of sorts, notoriously so, when he didn't wake up on his own, and so the older agent merely shrugged his shoulders before exiting the room and gathering his keys and other necessities that they would need for the short trip to Spencer's apartment.

Finally, he heard the shower shut off, and a few minutes later a refreshed, yet dazed, Spencer descended the stairs.

"You ready to go?"

"Yupp."

The reply was short, but Derek was rewarded with a small smile, so he ushered Spencer out the door and locked up before the two of them got in his car and embarked on the short journey.

The car ride was silent, but not in a tense or awkward sort of way. It was… unusual, even if it was comfortable.

Spencer kept rubbing his tired eyes and yawning every few minutes, laying his head back against the head rest and closing his eyes.

"You still tired kid?"

"I am. Can you believe it?" Spencer asked rhetorically.

"Actually, no. I can't. It's to be expected sure, but isn't it a bit much?" The older agent asked, genuinely seeking knowledge that he knew Spencer could provide.

But the younger man simply shrugged his shoulders noncommittally and that was the end of the discussion.

In no time they arrived at Spencer's apartment. The young agent suddenly began patting himself down with a vacant look in his eyes before Derek dangled his apartment's keys in front of his face.

"I took the liberty of getting these myself; seeing as you're a total zombie today."

Spencer snorted good-naturedly before getting out the car and walking to his front door, Derek following right behind him.

He didn't gesture for Derek to hand him the keys, opting to lean on the wall and let the older agent unlock the door instead. He'd rather not see the look on his lover's face when he saw the state Spencer's apartment was in.

He saw it anyway though, when they both walked in and Derek came to a screeching halt as he observed the place.

Quickly, Spencer walked past him and into his bedroom, grabbing a random bag that was strewn on the floor, along with various other household items, as he went.

Whilst Derek had only been in Spencer's apartment a handful of times, he could safely say that he had never seen it in the state that it was in now.

Various objects from cutlery to papers to socks lay littered upon the floor, as if a petulant child had barged in the front door and thrown the biggest tantrum the world had ever seen.

Spencer's bookshelves looked to be in disarray, and many were out of their respective places, occupying almost every available surface in a manner that suggested that their owner had attempted to read them haphazardly around his apartment – _perhaps in a last ditch effort to outlast his withdrawals, _Derek mused sadly.

In comparison to the rest of the apartment, Spencer's tiny kitchen was spotless. Truthfully, Derek would have preferred it if there had been filthy cups and rank dishes piling up in the sink; at least that would have insinuated that Spencer had actually been eating.

Opening the other man's fridge and being faced with only stark emptiness and a spoiled half jug of milk, Derek knew that his previous suspicions regarding Spencer's diet, or complete lack thereof, had indeed been correct.

He closed the fridge door and went to Spencer's bedroom, wanting to help him pack his things so that they could leave the apartment as quickly as they came. Suddenly the dank, musty smell was overwhelming, and Derek had to resist the urge to throw open all the curtains that Spencer had closed and release each window so that fresh air could come in and purify the place. It smelt like death. Death intermingled with pain.

Following the shadows he walked through the door and found Spencer packing his clothes. Only he wasn't packing his clothes so much as throwing them into a duffel bag whatever which way.

Despite popular belief, Spencer wasn't actually what people commonly referred to as a 'neat freak'. In fact, one could say his organisation bordered on chaos, but it was an organised chaos, at least in Spencer's mind. However, no matter what happened, he always ensured that his clothes were pristine. Clean as detergent and straight as a pin. There was no exception.

So why on earth was he throwing his clothing around as if he didn't give damn?

"Spence." Derek said, effectively gaining the younger man's attention as he stopped moving. "What the hell are you doing?"

Spencer looked at him with genuine confusion on his pale face. "Packing?"

"That's not packing," Derek said, as he walked into the room and took the shirt that Spencer was currently clutching in his clammy hands, "that's stuffing."

He began to unpack the disorderly bag before refolding the clothes and repacking them neatly. Spencer only shrugged in response before collapsing onto his bed when he saw that Derek was determined to do all of the work.

The older agent worked efficiently, his eye never straying from Spencer's prone form for long. Now he was beginning to worry, but really with no other outward signs to the contrary Spencer appeared healthy. He probably just needed a full day to recuperate and would be more energetic in the morning.

When he was done packing what he deemed to be important of Spencer's clothes, he made quick work of the rest of the room and the bathroom, snatching up toiletries and anything else he thought Spencer would want to take.

Setting the now full bag onto the bed Derek lightly shook his friend's shoulder, surprised that in the span of a few minutes he had somehow managed to fall asleep.

"Spence, I've got everything. Is there anything else you want from your lounge or something? Books?'

"No." Spencer replied as he sat up, rubbing his tired eyes and reaching for the bag as he stood.

"I'll take it." Derek said.

Spencer thanked him with a tired smile and a slight brush of fingers to his arm before walking out the room.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?" Derek enquired once again, eyeing the many open books strewn across the house in disbelief.

Spencer shook his head and stifled a yawn.

"Well okay then."

Spencer grabbed the keys where Derek had set them on his kitchen countertop and locked the door behind himself and the older agent.

He pocketed the keys before turning to Derek with a genuine, if not dazed smile, and thanked him.

"It's no problem Spence." And he was surprised when Spencer grasped his elbow as they walked, moving his hand after a small while to link their arms together.

Whatever happiness the sentiment bore within Derek was dulled when Spencer collapsed into the passenger seat of his car, slightly out of breath from their excursion and looking like he had just run a mile.

Derek put his keys in the ignition and started his car, glancing in Spencer's direction before deciding that he would have to make do with a microwave dinner for another night. The younger of the two looked dead on his feet, and he felt far too guilty to submit him to a tedious trip to the grocery store.

The drive home was just as silent as the drive to Spencer's apartment, only there was no slight conversational interlude this time.

The stars had already descended upon the night sky, and with every flash of light provided by the street lamps Derek could see Spencer fighting not to nod off to sleep, his head falling and rising with each battle.

"I shouldn't be this tired." Spencer said finally, right as Derek turned into his driveway.

The older agent had inferred as much, but hearing the thought trail through Spencer's mouth suddenly brought an ominous feeling to the interior of the car.

"I agree."

Spencer sighed before opening the car door. "It's probably nothing." He said, climbing out. Derek grabbed the duffel bag and followed behind him. "I think I'll wake up tomorrow and feel a lot better." There was something about the desperation in Spencer's voice that unsettled his stomach, but he needed the words to be true. They both did.

"You're probably right." Derek affirmed, keying the lock and letting the two of them into his house.

"I know you're probably sick of microwave food, but it's all I really have to offer you at this point –"

"Actually," Spencer cut in, "I think I'm just going to go to bed… if that's okay?"

Derek disapproved of his not eating anything but decided to let it slide in sight of how terrible he looked. "Of course it's okay Spence. You go up to bed, I'm right behind you."

The young profiler smiled appreciatively before heading up the stairs.

Looking at the clock, Derek saw that two hours had passed and it was now six o'clock. He made himself some supper before feeding Clooney and locking up his house, switching the lights off and heading up the stairs an hour later.

Going to bed at seven at night was ridiculous by his standards, but even though he wouldn't admit it, worrying about Spencer the entire day had really worn him down.

He was both relieved and satisfied to see the object of both his musings and his affections lying in his bed fast asleep.

Derek went to the spare room out of curiosity, and yes, Spencer had replaced the bedding and remade the bed, putting the old sheets in the laundry hamper before settling in for the night. The older agent shook his head in amusement. Spencer was such a people pleaser that it bordered on painful sometimes.

The dark-skinned agent made quick work of brushing his teeth and preparing himself for bed, stripping down to his boxers but opting to keep his shirt on due to the slight chill in the air.

Turning off the lights he climbed into bed and instantly reached out for the body beside his.

Holding Spencer the way he did, feeling his pulse steady beneath his hands, he felt his worries brought on by the day begin to fade.

Lightly, he patterned and trailed shapes and symbols onto the skin beneath his fingertips, soothing himself instead of the man who lay sleeping in his arms.

All thoughts and fears drifted from his mind as he lulled himself to sleep with the motion. In the morning it would be okay, Spencer would be well-rested and ready to enjoy his last free day before heading back to work…

Derek woke five hours later with a sweat-soaked shirt and a moaning and panting Spencer Reid – wheezing and tossing beneath the sheets with a fever as high as the sky and skin as pale as the moon that inhabited it.

**So the story was actually going to end in like 2 chapters… but then I dreamt up this plot bunny last night and I couldn't resist. I hope people aren't annoyed or think I'm regressing… comic relief in the next chapter I swear and MoReid fluff. It's all a part of a greater scheme of events… thou shalt see :D**

**Palmer Blu: ****Hehe thank you so much for your lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hope you're not irked with how this chapter went down :P Thank you for the compliment!**

**People Person I'm Not: ****Hehe I'm glad you liked it! I think we were all waiting for that chapter ;) Thank you so much for reviewing!**

**Wainwright: ****Haha, I'm sorry about the wait :P but I'm glad you thought it was worth it. I'm scared people will read this chapter and see it as a step back but I swear it's not! Thank you so much for your review!**

**Marcallie: ****WOW! Not only did your review make me smile and make my day but it made my entire week! I was actually so nervous about that chapter because, if I'm honest, it's the first 'romance' scene I've ever written… actually this story is pretty much the first for everything if I'm honest :P so your review really meant the world to me. Hehe, it actually inspired me to pursue a short story idea I've had in my head for a while as a sort of stepping stone to an original story that I want to write, so thank you so much once again. *million hugs*. And you know love is love, no matter what people say we all want it, it breaks my heart that some people are made to feel less because they find it in someone who's the same gender as them.**

**Jamie1991: ****Thank you! Your review was totally awesome and I really appreciate it! I'm glad you like the shout outs! I figure that not many people review so the one's who do should know how much I appreciate it. Really, they keep me going, I probably would have abandoned this story without them.**

**Sally: ****Oh sally… you are as sadistic as the unsubs in Criminal Minds… I love it ;) I'm glad too! And I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much!**

**Mia: ****I'm SO glad you liked it! I was worried that it was beyond cheesy and that it would be too ooc for Morgan… but I don't know I just felt like it's something he would do! Hugs back, and thank you so much for being a faithful reviewer!**

**UnoriginallyAnonymous1531: ****Haha, your review brought the BIGGEST smile to my face! :P To know that someone's enjoying the story that much makes me so happy! I don't really have ideas for sequels… and I'm not too sure how much longer this will, I won't give it a time frame but I think it's nearing it's end. HOWEVER, I can't stay away from MoReid for long, so best be;ieve I'll be writing more *plot bunnies permitting* Thanks for the review!**

**20000 WPM: ****Thank you so much for your long review and the compliment! I'm really glad you liked the 'heart' scene and didn't think it was too cheesy! I hope you aren't annoyed with this chapter :P better things to come I promise! And I love your reviews!**

**Nannily****: Hehe thank you! I love hearing that people are enjoying it **

**KimOfDrac: ****Oh my goodness your review made me blush! Really it did! You are far too kind to me but thank you so much! I really so appreciate your reviews and I, really glad you're enjoying the story **


	15. Teasing Flame

**Teasing Flame**

**A/N: I'm NOT a Doctor! I've heard of things like this happening, however, I don't know if any of this is medically correct! IT's why I'm writing fanfiction and not articles for medical journals. Having said that, I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine **

_Derek woke five hours later with a sweat-soaked shirt and a moaning and panting Spencer Reid – wheezing and tossing beneath the sheets with a fever as high as the sky and skin as pale as the moon that inhabited it._

He didn't hesitate before flinging the sheets back, completely petrified when he realised his sweat-soaked shirt was courtesy of Spencer, his own clothes sticking to his body; which was dripping with sweat from every pore. The younger agent hadn't even bothered to get changed before collapsing into bed.

Rushing into his adjoining bathroom, Derek immediately reached for his first aid kit under the sink and grabbed a towel, soaking it in cold water before he returned to the bedroom.

Spencer was awake now, though he didn't appear to be lucid. His breathing was heavy and he clutched at his stomach with his eyes squeezed shut in what Derek discerned as indescribable pain.

Without a word he opened the medical kit and shoved the thermometer into the younger profiler's mouth. Spencer flinched in surprise but otherwise didn't resist. Derek then unbuttoned his lover's shirt and took it off, placing the towel on the pallid skin in a vain attempt to cool him down.

"Derek…" He groaned.

"I know." He replied helplessly, feeling the other man's forehead and removing the thermometer. He hissed when he saw that it read one hundred and three degrees Fahrenheit. That was _not _okay.

Spencer let out a muffled cry as he clutched his abdomen tighter, the intensity of the stomach cramps blinding him with their onslaught – the pain of which was currently manifesting itself in his lower back as well.

"Spence." Derek said, knowing that he was about to enter into an argument. "We have to go to the hospital."

"No!"

"Yes! Your temperature is one hundred and three! You don't need three PhD's to know that that's dangerous."

Spencer didn't respond, knowing that Derek was right but not willing to risk everything he had gained by going to the hospital.

Derek waited for his younger counterpart to acquiesce, but when he did nothing but gasp and grip his midsection impossibly tighter he made the decision for him. "I'm getting my keys."

Spencer's hand shot out and gripped his wrist harshly, unrelenting even in his state and not allowing Derek to make it up from his haunches.

"No."

"Spencer please, we could handle the symptoms of your withdrawal, they weren't a detrimental risk to your health, but what's happening now is beyond us." He stopped when he saw Spencer turn his head into his pillow to muffle his pain filled gasps. "You need a Doctor!"

"I know!" Spencer cried back. "But if I go to the hospital they'll figure it out! They'll put it on record and I'll lose my job!"

Derek gaped at him, understanding brimmed to the surface, but he was still incredulous that Spencer would put his position in the BAU over his health, his _life. _The man had three PhD's for crying out loud, there really was no single job out there that he couldn't do.

But the older agent knew that it wasn't so much as being able to get other jobs but _wanting _other jobs that made Spencer determined.

Echoing his thoughts the younger agent spoke. "Derek, besides what's recently happened with us this job is all I have." He paused as he swallowed thickly, clenching his eyes as another wave of agony overcame him. "My colleagues are my friends; that office is my home and I wouldn't even have met you if it weren't for the BAU and I am _not _jeopardising my position in it."

Derek sighed, defeated. Who was he to make decisions for Spencer and take away something that he knew was extremely important to him?

Without words he nodded his acceptance, though he didn't have to like it.

The half an hour that followed was one of the most excruciating for the both of them. Derek had thought that he had seen it all in the last few days, but this really took it up a notch.

Spencer's teeth had begun to chatter incessantly, yet his fever continued to rise. The pain in his stomach and back worsened and his muscles started to spasm. Spencer wasn't even trying to muffle his cries anymore, the pain so excruciating that all thoughts of dignity and pride flowed from his body as fluidly as the sweat that dripped from his pores.

It was when Spencer began to murmur nonsensically, that Derek became truly fearful. Amidst the younger agent's delirious ramblings of the sky and the lights beyond, Derek once again thrust the thermometer into his mouth, the decision made when it read that his temperature had climbed another two degrees in the span of half an hour.

Not even asking for his opinion, Derek hoisted Spencer up into a sitting position, immediately searching for something, _anything, _that was in reach as he recognised the green tinge that he had become so familiar with engulf the younger profiler's face. He was too late though, and Spencer retched over the side of the bed, Derek jumping out of the way just in time.

This was completely out of hand. Spencer needed a Doctor, and he needed one now.

"Come one Spence, I'm taking you to the hospital." The lack of rebuttal being testament to the other's condition.

Eyeing his keys on the bedside table, Derek attempted to hoist Spencer up in order to get him downstairs and into his car.

"Wait!"

"What?" The older agent asked in alarm.

"My shirt."

Derek looked at Spencer and then down at his shirt in confusion. "What about it?"

"I can't go in this shirt."

Derek looked at Spencer like he had suddenly spouted the co-ordinates to the holy grail.

"It's soaked and disgusting." The younger agent elaborated.

"It's an emergency room Spence, I really don't think they'll care." But seeing the determination shining through the pain on his pale face, Derek knew that it would be easier to simply change the shirt than argue.

Grabbing one of his own shirts from his cupboard he helped Spencer out of his soiled shirt and into the clean one. He then put on a pair of his sweats and shoes before grabbing his keys and heading back to the bedside.

He leaned down, placing Spencer's arm across his shoulder, and grabbed the younger man around his waist. Spencer gave a sharp cry when he was pulled to his feet and immediately leaned the majority of his weight onto Derek, resting his head on his shoulder and groaning as he wobbled on his feet.

The journey down the stairs and into the car was both treacherous and exhausting. Spencer collapsed into the passenger seat, curling into himself and clutching his sides as Derek jogged back to lock up the house before returning and starting the car with much haste.

He tried his best to stick to the speed limit, really he did, but he found himself pushing harder on the accelerator with each groan that passed through Spencer's lips – any semblance of self-control and respect for the rules of the road where cast aside when Spencer opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry Mom, but I honestly thought you'd enjoy the reprieve from Chaucer."

Derek's eyes snapped to the man sitting next to him, who was gazing up at the roof of the car with such wonderment that the older agent could have sworn that Spencer was bearing witness to a meteor shower.

"Spence?" He asked hesitantly.

"I know you're not fond of African literature, but you really should give Achebe a chance."

He closed his eyes and turned his head away to lean on the headrest, but not before Derek saw a lone droplet of moisture pool at the corner of his eye and spill down his check.

_Screw the speed limit._

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

Their arrival at the hospital had been nothing short of a hurried yet lengthy blur. How he had managed to get Spencer out of the car and into the emergency room, Derek would never know, but somehow he had managed it. The staff had taken one look at the pale man latched to his arm before ushering him onto a gurney and bombarding Derek with questions that he tried his best to answer.

When he was unable to answer certain important questions the staff had turned to Spencer, trying to get through to him and gain the information they needed for their diagnostic – the only phrase they ever received in reply was a painful mantra of "no narcotics".

The chief nurse had eyed Spencer's state with suspicion from the moment they had walked in, but it was his repetitive mumbling that had helped her put two and two together. Her entire demeanour changed from concerned and helpful to cold and disconnected almost instantly when she spotted the track marks on his arms, and had Derek not been so preoccupied with worry and ensuring that Spencer was alright, he would have certainly confronted her about her unprofessionalism as well as her clear disregard for her Hippocratic oath.

A Doctor had come to Spencer's gurney not long after they had first entered the hospital, ushering him into a curtained-off section of the emergency room and asking Derek to wait where he was for the time being whilst he examined the younger agent; but not before Derek informed him of Spencer's newly acquired and very strict 'no narcotic' policy.

He had nodded his understanding before hurrying away, leaving Derek to wait for a full forty-five minutes before finding him once again and allowing him to sit with his fellow profiler, telling him that he would return shortly to provide him with an appropriate explanation and a full diagnostic report.

Vaguely, he was surprised that the man was being so open with him. Usually they had great difficulties in hospitals when one of their team members was injured, due to the 'family only' policy, often forcing them to wield their badges as well as an innumerable amount of threats before any information was given.

Not having enough energy to contemplate it, Derek decided that he didn't care. As long as he found out what was wrong with Spencer then that was good enough for him.

Tiredly, Derek pulled a chair up to Spencer's bedside and sat down, giving the younger man a thorough once over until he was satisfied that he was okay, despite his pallor and the exhaustion that was evident on his face.

The older agent eyed the IV in Spencer's arm with suspicion. It worried him that Spencer was sleeping peacefully with something being bled into his system. They had been clear about what they had wanted. Spencer had been through hell going through his withdrawal, and Derek didn't deny for even a second that he would be undeniably pissed should the hospital have just messed that up.

Briefly, he considered calling Hotch and letting him know what was happening, but he decided against it when he checked the clock on the wall and saw that it was two o'clock in the morning. It's not like he had his phone on him anyway.

Sighing, he turned away and his gaze once again fell on Spencer. He was surprised to find that the younger agent had begun to flicker his eyes, swallowing thickly and trying to force them to open. When he eventually managed, Derek spoke up.

"Hey Spence." He said softly, gripping the younger man's arm carefully.

Disorientated, Spencer turned his head at the sound of Derek's voice, relieved at seeing him there but still confused as to where he was.

"I'm in the hospital?"

"Yeah." Derek affirmed. "Scared the hell out of me too."

Spencer sighed unhappily and pushed himself up slowly. "What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

The younger of the two furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he thought for a moment and began to recount the day from the moment he woke up. The details started to become fuzzy from when he began to recall waking up with his fever; but he remembered arriving at the hospital and suddenly looked down at his arm in alarm.

"What is that?" He asked quickly, pointing to his IV.

Derek hesitated for a moment. "I'm not sure."

Spencer looked back to the needle in his arm with such fear that Derek could have sworn it was feeding liquid Mercury into his veins.

"Spence, calm down. We both made it very clear that you weren't to be given narcotics."

"We did?"

"Yes, and ripping that out really isn't going to help anyone." He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms behind his head. "Besides, that nurse of yours is a real piece of work. I wouldn't want to get on her bad side."

"I didn't think you could get on anyone's bad side Derek."

"If I'm completely honest Spencer… I don't think she has a good side."

Spencer snorted at him and smirked before leaning against his pillows.

"What's so funny?" Derek asked, curious about the mischievous glint that had suddenly inhabited his lover's eyes.

"Oh nothing. Just never thought I'd see the day where Derek Morgan _couldn't _charm a woman."

Derek chuckled in reply. "Believe me, I do _not _want to charm _her_."

"Sure that's the reason." Spencer drawled.

"It is. Just wait until she comes back and you get a good look at her, then you'll see what I mean."

Spencer gaped at the dark-skinned agent. Derek was never rude or ugly about anyone and he began to wonder what this woman could have done to garner that harsh reaction.

"Here she comes now… try not to stare." Derek winked, before rising from his chair to stand over him protectively.

"I see you've woken up, Mister…" She looked down at his chart, "Reid".

"Doctor." He corrected automatically.

"I'm sure."

Spencer could do nothing but stare at her as he contemplated why on earth she was speaking to him so poorly and what he could possibly do to fix it. Derek on the other hand glared at her as if he was willing her to self-combust, gnashing his teeth together in attempt to hold his tongue.

She dropped the chart pompously into the holder at the end of Spencer's bed, before waltzing over to the side of him in order to check his IV. Getting a good look at her from this angle, he could tell that Derek was not kidding.

Leaning pretentiously over Spencer she observed the IV in his arm. She snorted derisively before muttering something as she stood to turn and walk away.

"Excuse me, _Miss, _but was there something you wanted to say?" The older agent spat.

"Derek…" Spencer warned.

"Due to Mister Reid's _choice_ of recreational activities," she began snidely, "the veins in his inner arms have both constricted and deviated from the surface which has inhibited the flow of the IV fluid. I need to reinsert the IV into one of the veins on the back of his hand." She finished rudely, before turning on her heel and marching away.

"_Doctor _Reid apologises for putting you out!" Derek yelled after her, garnering more than a few interested and annoyed expressions from both the professionals and the patients in the emergency room.

"Derek!"

"What?" He whirled back around, a deceptively innocent look plastered to his face. "Are you seriously going to let her talk to you like that?"

"Yes." Spencer replied calmly.

Derek contemplated Spencer for a moment before shaking his head and sitting back down. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"What do you let people like her speak to you like that?"

Spencer shrugged nonchalantly. "Because she's not important. It's only the people that I have any sort of regard for whose opinions matter. Like yours and the team's."

"I get that, but there's still a base line of respect that you deserve from her, even if she doesn't know you."

"But Derek that's just it, she doesn't know me. So why should what she thinks matter? Clearly she's made her mind up about me and what she thinks I am but really, that's just her poor misconception."

"You're using a lot of politically correct terminology there Spencer." Derek smirked. "Why don't you just say what you really feel."

Once again Spencer shrugged non-committedly, if Derek wanted to hear the truth he wasn't going to hold it back from him.

"Okay fine. I think she's a miserable middle-aged broad who takes out her frustrations with life on the sick and dying because she can't stand up to the people she really wants to. I also think that she's not as ugly as you claim her to be, though her bad attitude and poor sense of style certainly doesn't help matters. And whilst it is understandable that not everyone can afford the luxury of orthodontics, it really is quite a shame that someone working in the medical health industry has such a clear lack of knowledge concerning basic oral hygiene, to me this is a problem, but to the average person it wouldn't be… because her botched dye job and disastrous perm, one that would have been frowned upon even during the nineties I might add, certainly proves to be an effective enough distraction. In fact, I find it hilarious that someone like her actually has the audacity or the time to judge her patients; seeing as she's so preoccupied with her lack of a love life and her tragic nightly premonitions of her looming spinster years every time she walks into her empty apartment after work – because yes, someone _that _miserable cannot possibly have friends who would want to go out with her on a social basis."

Derek wasn't exactly sure when it had happened, but sometime during Spencer's ramble his mouth had fallen open and he hadn't had the opportunity to close it again.

"What?" Spencer asked innocently, mirroring Derek's expression from only moments ago.

"That was…"

"Really mean and uncalled for?"

"Sexy."

"_What?_" Spencer asked incredulously.

Derek was about to respond when the curtain was viciously pushed to the side by the middle-aged nurse with the bad perm – the one who had been standing on the other side of the curtain throughout the entirety of Spencer's rant.

Spencer's eyes widened in pure terror before he dropped his gaze, mortified that she had overheard him. Derek on the other hand, who found the situation most hilarious, dropped his face onto the edge of Spencer's bed, right next to his thigh, in a vain attempt to muffle his laughter.

It was not working.

Whilst the nurse fiddled with Spencer's hand –none too gently – Derek's snickers began to increase in volume, and it took Spencer only a few seconds to realise that the older man was crying he was laughing so hard.

"Derek!" Spencer hissed, raising his hand to playfully slap him, though he didn't have enough energy for the action, simply letting his hand fall onto the other man's head with a dull thud.

Immediately Derek latched onto Spencer's arm, turning his face into it as he resumed laughing.

Once the IV had been reinserted into Spencer's hand the nurse threw them both a disgusted look before she stalked away.

"I-is she g-gone?" Derek asked between laughs.

"Yeah." Spencer replied, smiling at his lover's expression as he finally lifted his head.

"That," Derek started, wiping a stray tear from his eye as it fell over the edge, "was easily the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long time."

"Well I'm glad it amused you. You're not the one who's IV may have just been laced with arsenic not five seconds ago."

Derek smiled at Spencer, happy that he seemed to be so much better.

He was interrupted from saying as much by the gentle yet firm voice of the Doctor who had seen to Spencer upon his arrival.

"Doctor Reid?"

Both agents looked to the older man and felt themselves relax; such was the calm aura he radiated. Spencer, however, couldn't quit calm his nerves at the disaster that he knew was about to come.

"I'm Doctor Brown."

Before the Doctor had a chance to speak further Derek interrupted him.

"Hey Doc, would you mind sticking to laymen's terms? This one," he gestured towards Spencer, "would probably understand all your medical jargon, but I'm too tired to even try."

The aging Doctor gave him a kind smile, running a hand through his greying hair before stepping forward so that he could see Spencer properly.

"I'm willing to bet you've had an interesting past few days young man."

Spencer dropped his gaze for a moment, his heart sinking at the knowledge that the Doctor had seen right through him.

"You know what's interesting about your symptoms Doctor Reid, is that they are often present in certain people undergoing drug withdrawal… yet they are also commonly found in people who are suffering from extreme stress and exhaustion as well."

Derek and Spencer looked at each other in confusion, certain that they had heard incorrectly. Surely the Doctor wasn't giving Spencer a way out. Was he?

When Spencer returned his gaze back to the Doctor the older man sighed and took off his glasses, cleaning them on his coat before placing them back on his head once again.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here Doctor Reid. Between your symptoms and the obvious physical signs you display," he gestured to Spencer's elbows, "I'd be a fool not to recognise this as a harsh side-effect to drug withdrawal. But I have also been working in this emergency room long enough to have seen my fair share of these cases, so believe me when I say I can tell the difference between a common junkie and a good person who happened to make a mistake."

Derek wanted to interrupt him and tell him that it actually wasn't Spencer's fault, well not in the beginning anyway, but he felt like they were being given a rare grace gift, and he be damned if he ruined that opportunity for Spencer.

"I looked into your file. Three PhD's and a highly credited job in the FBI, now at your age that certainly doesn't point to a common junkie, so I'm going to have to go with the latter. I don't know what happened that put you down this road, and with the things that you have to deal with in your job I don't want to know why, but the fact that you're here, with a great support system," he gestured to Derek, "as well as nothing directly indicative of drug-use showing up in your blood work, well, I don't see any reason to file a formal report and make you suffer more than you already have."

Both agents stared at the man in shock before Spencer stammered out a reply "T-thank you."

Derek nodded in agreement. "But Doc, what caused this? He was doing fine?"

"It's not uncommon during drug withdrawal for the body to go into varying degrees of shock. When Spencer's body began to detox he experienced the initial bout of stomach cramps, fever, etcetera; but what many people don't know is that many toxins can be stored within the muscles of our body as well, often staying hidden for a longer amount of time. This was so in Spencer's case, and so the delayed release of these toxins resulted in the delayed onset and severity of the symptoms he experienced tonight."

"But the hallucinations?" Derek asked worriedly. "The tiredness?"

"Wait, I hallucinated?"

"All to be attributed to the detox. You'd be surprised what toxins can do to the neurotransmitters in the brain, and I imagine Doctor Reid was extremely fatigued as a result of his body's attempt to fight this process."

"What was I hallucinating?" Spencer asked again, panicked.

"Don't worry about it Spencer, I'll tell you later." Derek said, grabbing the younger man's hand soothingly when he saw how much the revelation was shaking him. "So what now?" Derek turned back to Doctor Brown.

"Well, he's been given an IV filled with saline solution for rehydration, as well as a muscle relaxer for the stomach cramps. We managed to get his fever under control and with the majority of the toxin already having left his system it shouldn't rise again. You'll be discharged once the IV has run its course; however, you will feel some pain and discomfort for the next twenty four hours or so until the toxins have been fully flushed from your system. I've prescribed you a muscle relaxer, non-narcotic of course, but other than that my only instructions would be to remain hydrated and rest for the next day or so.

"Thanks Doc." Derek said genuinely, relief evident in his voice.

"Yes thank you." Spencer said sincerely, surprising both men by leaning forward and offering out his right hand for the Doctor to shake. "I really appreciate it." He murmured, hoping that his gratitude showed in his eyes.

"I know you do son." The Doctor smiled, shaking his hand before patting him on the shoulder and turning to attend to the rest of his patients.

Spencer turned to Derek with a smile on his face which the older agent easily reciprocated.

"So." Spencer started.

"So."

And they both started laughing at how they always returned to that mundane conversation starter when they had nothing else to say.

"Excuse me!" A certain crooked-toothed nurse bellowed from two beds down. "This is not a theme park; such noise will not be tolerated!"

Derek looked to Spencer before whispering in his ear. "Thank goodness it's not a theme park, otherwise we _seriously _overpaid."

"I wouldn't know. I've never been to a theme park."

Derek looked at Spencer and couldn't help but smile at the slight way he wrinkled his nose when he genuinely displayed his confusion.

"I can tell you about it?" Derek offered. "While we wait?"

"I'd like that." Spencer smiled.

And the rest of the early morning was spent with tales of cotton candy, numerous and treacherous rollercoasters and much laughter as well as promises to visit a theme park in the future, in amongst the regular boats of scolding and dirty looks that were thrown their way.

"I think we're starting to grow on her Spence." Derek smiled, as he waved at the sour-faced nurse.

Spencer sighed in defeat. "You would Derek. You would."

**Guys it's my last exam tomorrow! Too bad it's a neuroanatomy practical, but whatever, I'm on the brink of freedom… that means more updates for all you awesome people ;)**

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**Guest: T****hank you! And thanks for the review! I hope you keep reading!**


	16. Suffocating Smoke: Part I

**Suffocating Smoke: Part I**

**Big thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! It was so awesome to get so many guest reviews! Also thank you to the people who alerted, favorited and followed the story and/or me. It means the world.**

**Disclaimer: I'm finally watching Season 7 and really wish I owned them. Sadly I don't. :'(**

Spencer was cleared to leave the hospital around five o'clock that Sunday morning. Once he had signed all the necessary paperwork and had collected his prescribed medication from the pharmacy, he and Derek made the short drive back to the older agent's home.

No sooner had they walked through the front door did Spencer head straight for the kitchen and begin rummaging through Derek's kitchen cupboards.

"Spence, what on earth are you doing?"

The younger of the two didn't look up as he continued his search. "Where do you keep your cleaning supplies? You know, like carpet cleaner and such?"

"Why in the hell would you need carpet cleaner?" Derek asked amusedly with a confused frown on his face.

"To clean a carpet."

"Obviously Spencer, but why would you need to clean a carpet?"

Spencer rolled his eyes in slight irritation at his older counterpart before standing from his crouched position and appraising Derek. "Because I threw up on it last night."

Truthfully, Derek had actually forgotten all about that. Given the seriousness of what was actually happening with Spencer, vomit on his carpet really was the least of his worries.

"You don't have to worry about that Spence, just go lie down. I'll sort it out and then get a service or something to come in during the week, though I don't think that'll be necessary."

Spencer's mouth dropped open at what Derek was implying. "_You_ are notcleaning up _my _vomit."

"Why not? It's really no big deal –"

"Where's your cleaning stuff?"

"Spence come on, we're not seriously going to fight over day-old puke."

"I couldn't agree more, so just direct me to your carpet cleaner and this argument will be over."

Derek sighed in both annoyance and defeat but otherwise said nothing. He pointed Spencer in the direction of his cleaning supplies and then ascended the stairs, he wanted to at least get the bed sheets in the wash and replace them with fresh ones before the younger agent decided to take on that responsibility too.

The two of them worked mechanically in silence, both too tired for idle conversation; given their lack of sleep the night before.

Derek had replaced the bed sheets and had just put the dirty sheets and clothes in the laundry basket when his cell phone rang on the bedside table. Seeing that it was their Unit Chief calling and that Spencer was still busy in the room cleaning the carpet, Derek decided to take the call downstairs.

He waited until he reached the bottom of the stairs before pressing the answer button and holding the phone to his ear.

"Hey Hotch; I was actually just about to call you."

"Is everything okay?" Came the concerned reply. "I was just checking in to see if you and Reid were all set for your return to work tomorrow."

Derek sighed heavily before he replied. "About that…"

He briefly yet concisely summarised the events of the night prior, telling Hotch exactly what had happened as well as what the Doctor's diagnosis was and what the instructions for Spencer's recuperation were.

Once he was finished, Derek heard Hotch exhale heavily on the other end of the line – a heavy silence following not long after.

"Hotch?" Derek asked hesitantly.

"Strauss has been giving me grief about the two of you taking vacation time. Reid she understands… you she doesn't."

"I have to be honest with you Hotch, Strauss is really the least of my worries right now."

"She shouldn't be." Hotch reprimanded seriously. "Given the fact that the dynamic between you and Reid has undoubtedly changed, now would be the time to worry about her more than ever."

Derek froze at the loaded implications of what Hotch was saying. It was impossible to miss his meaning, they were both profiler's, skilled in the art of communicating double meanings through words. Hotch knew – It was undeniable. He _knew._

"Hotch… I – uh… I –"

"Don't say anything." Hotch said. "Just listen."

Absently Derek nodded his head, forgetting that Hotch wouldn't be aware that he was performing the action.

"Strauss is suspicious; however, she understands that Reid needs a support system. Given his quirks as well as the close ties within the team, I think she's come to realise that that is what you are to him – his _support system_. As of right now she is unaware, and so the only thing I have left to say on the matter is be careful. Know that the team is behind the two of you no matter what… but if certain behaviours were to change or certain 'incidents' were to come to light, especially pertaining to both yours and Reid's work performance, I would have no other choice but to report my suspicions as per the fraternisation policy. As far as things stand at the moment, however, no one has said anything and I haven't noticed a change in your _work _performance that would garner an inquisition. Do I make myself clear?"

Relief flooded through Derek's system faster than the terror had mere moments ago. Hotch was giving Derek and Reid his blessing and a firm warning all at the same time. The Unit Chief knew exactly what was going on between the two; he had seen it forming for quite some time, however, he was playing ignorant until Derek and Spencer's work performance became negatively affected by their relationship – If it ever did at all. Only then, would he be forced to take action.

Derek knew that Hotch's blessing was not to be taken lightly. The gift was such a rarity and so out of character for Hotch that Derek swore there and then that he would do everything in his power to ensure that he and Spencer could maintain their relationship whilst maintaining their stellar work performance as well.

"I understand fully Hotch. Thank you, from the both of us. You have our deepest gratitude."

"Morgan, both you and Reid are two of the finest agent's I have ever had the privilege of working with, and I feel like I would be doing not only the two of you, but the team and the country an injustice by punishing you for something that I don't even perceive as problematic in the first place. Don't let me regret my decision."

"Absolutely not Sir."

"And for the record; we've discussed the issue without actually having overtly discussed the issue. This conversation never happened, and as such neither of us can be implicated should there be future ramifications."

"Understood."

"Good. Now that that's settled, I think it would be beneficial for the two of you to return to work on Tuesday. Based on what you've told me about last night, Reid needs his rest in complying with the Doctor's instructions. Needless to say, you need to be with him through this final hurdle. Luckily for the two of you, Strauss is attending a conference for the duration of the week. This will stay within the team."

"Thank you Hotch. I appreciate everything you're doing; for the both of us. I understand that it's your job and reputation on the line too. Please know how grateful I am."

"This team's a family Morgan, and there's very little I wouldn't do for my family."

And with that both Derek and Hotch said their goodbyes and hung up, Hotch feeling proud at the strength and camaraderie between his agents, and Derek feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and relief at the thought that somehow, everything was going to be alright.

Following his conversation with their Unit Chief, Derek made his way upstairs to check on Spencer and tell him about the most recent development concerning their superior.

"Hey Spence, you'll never guess what –" He was stopped short by the sight of the younger agent draped over the expanse of his bed, on his stomach completely passed out.

Derek snorted a laugh before leaving the room quietly, deciding that a nap until lunch time would probably do his younger counterpart a world of good; so long as he got up later and began to acclimatise to their normal routine and sleeping patterns.

His thoughts were interrupted by a vicious growl from his stomach, and suddenly Derek realised how hungry he was. His anticipation for food quickly turned into disappointment as he remembered that he literally had no food in his house.

Derek didn't want to leave Spencer alone, but seeing as the younger agent had just fallen asleep he saw an opportunity to quickly run to a nearby twenty four hour convenience store that was close to his house and pick up a few things. It had the bare necessities in terms of food, and the older agent decided that, for today, that would suffice.

The decision made, Derek grabbed his keys and jumped into his car. The trip to the store would take no more than half an hour.

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

He wasn't sleeping so much as drifting; stuck in the no man's land between unconsciousness and reality; the limbo that offered rest but didn't truly provide it.

Vaguely he heard the deep tone of Derek's voice, though it was muffled and the words weren't clear. There was a short silence after that, followed by what he would later identify as the sound of a car starting and driving away.

Deciding that it didn't matter, he urged his mind to drift off to sleep, but a sharp pain shooting from his abdomen shattered the aura of peace that he had been so close to achieving. Another stabbing pain soon followed and then another, and before he knew it, Spencer was lying atop of the bed in Derek's room, completely awake and reeling at the pain emanating from his back and stomach.

He had hoped that he wouldn't have to take the medication that the Doctor had prescribed, even if they were just simple muscle relaxers, but as he began to feel nauseous as a result of the pain building in its intensity, he knew that he really didn't have any other choice.

Slowly, and with much effort, he rose from the bed. The house was completely silent, and it was when he hobbled over to the window by the landing of the stairs, seeing the now vacant driveway, that he realised that Derek wasn't there.

Spencer huffed in frustration. He was starting to sweat now and he had no idea where Derek had put his medication; the thought of trudging up and down the house, hunched over like an elderly man, really not appealing to him given the situation.

Another piercing pain had him clutching his stomach tighter, and Spencer realised that he really had no other option but to search for the pharmaceuticals.

Returning to the bedroom, he looked around to see if Derek hadn't placed them on either of the bedside tables. Seeing that this wasn't the case he looked in the next most likely place, aside from the kitchen which he was avoiding due to the journey he would have to make down the stairs, and hobbled his way into the bathroom.

He didn't find them on any of the visible surfaces and immediately he felt bad as he looked to the bathroom cabinet above the sink, suddenly feeling like he was snooping or invading the older agent's privacy in some way.

When his stomach roiled at another onslaught of sensation, the decision was made for him.

He reached for the cabinet and practically collapsed onto the sink as his hands braced both the sink and the cabinet in an effort to keep him standing. Breathing heavily, Spencer opened the cabinet and immediately froze at what he saw.

His muscle relaxers weren't there.

What was there, however, was an assortment of bathroom necessities – extra soap, spare toothbrushes and a couple of razor heads – though that wasn't what drew his eye.

What drew his eye was the seemingly innocent half-filled bottle of pills, prescribed to Derek when he had injured his shoulder a couple of months back.

A seemingly innocent half-filled bottle of pills to someone like Derek… but a nightmare to someone like Spencer.

Vicodin.

If he wasn't sweating before, he was most certainly sweating now.

**Sorry it's shorter than usual. For some reason I've been struggling to write, though I just found out that I passed neuroanatomy so you won't have to wait long for the next update! :D**

**People Person I'm Not: ****Thanks so much for your review! I really hope you liked the bit with Hotch, and don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the rest of the team. Their reactions will be in an upcoming chapter, not sure which one yet!**

**Nannily: ****Thank you for your review! I have a feeling you won't like me after reading this chapter ;D I'm glad you like Dr Brown, I like to believe there are lots of Doctor's like him out there somewhere **

**Guest: ****Wow thank you so much for your long review! And what a nice review it was! Seriously I'm not going to complain about you spoiling me and showering me with compliments! Your review made my day and I'm so so glad you're enjoying it. To be told that my writing is good and that the plot development is realistic as well as the characterisation is the best thing I can ever hope to hear so thank you once again.**

**Guest2: ****Your review was amazing. Really it was. Thank you so very much! Being complimented on my language and the characterisation are both the main things I enjoy getting feedback on because I like to know that I'm getting it right. So thank you once again. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I hope you're not too disappointed with this chapter!**

**Jennifer loomis: ****Hehe thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you liked it!**

**Jamie1991: ****Yay! That means I got the characterisation right! Hehe, thank you for your review and I'm glad you liked it!**

**Olivia: ****I'm sorry you were having an awful day! But I'm so happy I could make it better! Thank you so much and I hope you're not too disappointed with this chapter!**

**Mia:**** I have to say… your reviews NEVER cease to amaze me and make me laugh my socks off :D ****"****'OMFG, how does this skinny white addict guy banging that smoking hot black dude, know EXACTLY every single detail of my life' O_O" killed me! Haha. I'm so upset because Criminal Minds really isn't big in South Africa so it plays on like some obscure channel that no one watches and we don't even have Season 8 yet! I'm distraught! That's why I only started watching it for the first time like 4 months ago. Hehe, but yes I hope my bunnies multiply like bunnies too! Because I also don't want this to end I love it so much :P Am I allowed to admit that? ;D**

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**Wainwright: ****Thank you so much! Just time for the results now :/ I'm glad you're enjoying! Hope you don't mind the short length of this chapter :P**

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**Tessalationx13: ****Hehe, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I could just so see the two of them behaving like that :P I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint and thank you for the awesome review! :D**


	17. Suffocating Smoke: Part II

**Suffocating Smoke: Part II**

**A/N: So the general consensus after the last chapter is that you guys are MOST unimpressed with me :P I hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint and that I can communicate why it needed to happen.**

**Disclaimer: In reality they're not mine…. In my head, oh boy ;)**

His trip to the twenty four hour convenience store took slightly longer than expected. Derek Morgan was, by no means, a total health buff, but the sight of the fresh produce in the corner of the convenience store was a rarity in itself, given how tiny the store was, but after so many days of ready-made microwave meals he was practically salivating where he stood.

He went slightly crazy with his purchases, but he duly paid for the food and got back in his car, barely missing the early morning traffic by a few minutes. Derek felt uneasy at leaving Spencer alone for an extended period of time. He knew that the man wasn't a child and that he was perfectly capable of looking after himself – he'd proven that at a young enough age – but he was also at a delicate stage in his life. The younger man was standing on the precipice, and if something caused him to stumble, even if it was only slightly, Derek knew that he would go barrelling over the edge.

That being said, the younger agent was sound asleep when Derek had left, and so he really found no cause to worry.

He crawled his way down the road and into the driveway. Taking his time unlocking the car and grabbing the two bags filled with his purchases. It was only when he reached over to the passenger side to clutch the shopping bags that he noticed that Spencer had left his packet of pharmaceuticals on the passenger seat in the car. Derek picked that packet up too, before getting out the car and making his way to the front door.

He fully expected on coming home to a silent house. He planned on packing away the groceries, maybe watching a bit of television before waking Spencer up and having lunch before deciding what to do with the rest of the day.

That sort of calm radiance was exactly the opposite of what he was confronted with when he unlocked his front door and walked through the threshold.

Derek almost dropped his bags when he saw the state his house was in. Had he not been able to see the younger agent out of the corner of his eye, he would have sworn that someone had attempted to rob the place. Every single cupboard or draw in his line of vision had been opened, their contents upturned. Papers littered the floor and Spencer sat on the carpet in the lounge, his elbows resting heavily on the coffee table in front of him while he frantically scrolled through some text on his laptop.

No, _Derek's _laptop.

The older agent could hear Spencer mumbling frantically to himself, oblivious to the fact that Derek had even arrived home and had walked through the door, such was his frazzled state.

Derek put the bags down right where he stood, making a beeline straight for Spencer whilst trying to quell the anxiety that threatening to bubble over all at the same time.

He tried to make as much noise as possible to prevent startling the younger man, but Spencer was too lost in what he was doing on the laptop to hear sounds from the world around him. When Derek knelt down next him and placed his hand on his shoulder he gave a harsh jump as Derek's presence pulled him from his mental ramblings.

Spencer's first reaction was to look at Derek in surprise. His look then turned to worry and then to shame as Derek watched him fearfully, afraid at what had caused Spencer's sudden change in temperament.

"Spence, what is it?"

The younger agent opened his mouth as if to speak, but promptly shut it before opening it again. He looked to be having an inner battle with himself, and Derek grew frustrated as he recognised the behaviour as occurring right at the beginning of Spencer's detox. It appeared to him that Spencer was regressing, and that was absolutely something he wouldn't allow.

Spencer turned back towards the laptop screen and then looked down, picking at his nails and avoiding crossing his gaze with Derek's.

The older agent looked to the laptop and he understood. There were various windows open on his web browser, but the one that currently dominated the screen's surface was a page featuring a number of narcotics anonymous meetings in and around the various areas of Virginia, all at different times and catering to the various needs of the general public who wished to go.

Derek could understand the shame that Spencer would feel regarding this. Even though it wasn't warranted, the older agent new how his younger counterpart felt about the entire situation. What the NA meetings didn't account for, however, was Spencer's guilty expression or the fear that just glazed the surface of his eyes.

"What made you look into this?" Derek asked sincerely, though he flinched a little as heard the suspicion that laced his voice.

Spencer had noticed it too, and in a second he was in his full-on defensive mode, his back ramrod straight and his eyes betraying nothing. He was about to open his mouth to argue, to hurl an insult or offend Derek enough for the older agent to leave him alone, but Derek cut him off before he even had the chance.

"I'm not insinuating anything. Fact of the matter is I'm actually really happy right now Spencer. You searched this out all on your own, without anyone suggesting it or forcing you to look in to it. I'm only asking because you've never mentioned it before. But that's not really what's important here. What is important is the fact that you've looked into it, and I'm damn proud of you kid." Derek finished, ruffling Spencer's hair affectionately with a smile on his face.

"Don't." Spencer said dejectedly.

"Don't what?"

"Be happy; or proud."

"What?" Derek asked, confusion littering his brow. "Why not? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't."

"I don't deserve it." Spencer said sadly by way of explanation.

"Don't deserve it? Spencer, I'd be doing you an injustice if I didn't tell you how amazing I thought this was. Seriously man, I mean for you to be doing this on your own, it's such a step forward and –"

"It's not a step forward! It's a massive step back!"

"In what plausible way can you justify that reasoning Spencer?"

"You don't need to say it for me to know that you're thinking it. You're suspicious as to what made me look in the first place, and you're right to be!"

That was when Derek looked at him, really looked at him and he felt his stomach plummet. He noticed for the first time the slight tremor of his lover's hands and the sweat glistening on his forehead. He noticed how pale he was and the fact that his breathing was heavier than usual.

He didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to. "Spencer what happened? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" The relieved expression that graced Derek's face at his exclamation only seemed to anger him more, making his words more frantic. "But that's not the point!"

"Then what is the point?"

"The point is that I wanted to! And I came so close to… so close to…" The reality of the situation seemed to weigh down on Spencer like a ton of bricks, and he quickly turned back to the laptop and frantically began his search once again.

"Spence –"

"Stop distracting me Derek, I need to do this."

The older agent pushed the screen of the laptop down, effectively trapping Spencer's hands and forcing him to look Derek in the eyes.

The younger of the two opened his mouth to argue, but Derek cut him off once again.

"Tell me what the hell happened Spencer; _exactly _what happened, because your bits and pieces of information are flying right over my head. I get that something set you off, tell me _what _that was and then maybe I can try and help you. You were completely fine when I left."

Spencer looked to be in half a mind not to speak, but then he saw the compassion and worry intermingled in Derek's eyes and he knew that he could never withhold such information from him. Derek had been there every step of the way throughout his recovery and not telling him what had happened would be a complete slap in his face. He could never do that to the one he loved.

And so he took a deep breath and began to recite to Derek exactly what had happened, word-for-word he gave him the full play-by-play, from the moment he woke up to the moment Derek had found him sitting on the floor with the laptop before him, not omitting a single detail and trying to relay to the older agent the intensity at which he experienced his ordeal.

He told Derek how it had taken everything he had in him to put the bottle back, to resist the temptation of even opening it and handling the pills. He told Derek of how it literally felt like he had a tragically clichéd monster within his subconscious; one that roared to life in the forefront of his mind as soon as he read the label; the monster that made it seem like he had no other choice _but _to take one of the pills. The very same monster that justified the taking of a pill due to the pain he was experiencing, despite the fact that he had been specifically prescribed non-narcotic muscle relaxers to take care of the pain for him.

He then began to apologise profusely to Derek for the state his house was in, telling him he would clean it all up and pay for anything that was damaged but he just had to, _had to _find his laptop and get online and find the closest support group to Derek's house and go; because he realised now that even though he was clean, this was something that wasn't just going to go away, and that he had to work with people who were going through the same thing that he was; to ensure that he stayed the way he was – clean and happy. Because he was happy, he really was and he didn't want anything to jeopardise that. Not a bottle of pills, or even an idle drink on a side table. He wanted to learn how to cope with this and he wanted to do it right, because Derek deserved that much and God knows he did too.

He probably would have rambled on for days had he been allowed to, but then all at once Spencer was interrupted by Derek who began apologising profusely, before the older agent got up, Spencer right on his heels, and made his way up the stairs and straight to the cabinet in the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked.

Derek didn't reply, only uncapping the bottle of Vicodin before thrusting its contents in the toilet and flushing.

"Derek! What the hell, you need those!"

The older agent ignored him, as he began to rummage through the rest of the cabinet as well as the slight cupboard beneath the sink for any other narcotic painkillers or other such medication, before uncapping them and dumping them in the toilet too.

"Derek, stop!" Spencer yelled, trying to snatch back the bottle that the older profiler now held his hand. "I'll never learn to contain it if you just get rid of it all! And in any case, I can't expect the entire world to suddenly stop dealing with narcotics just because I can't anymore!"

"I understand that Spencer but why torture yourself with the temptation?" He yelled back, flushing whatever was in the bottle in his hand and going back to the cupboard to check for more. "I get what you're saying, and I agree with you one hundred percent, but you've only been clean for ten days now, I'm sorry but putting your sobriety at risk amongst all this crap this early into your recovery is moronic, and maybe if I hadn't been such an idiot and had actually gone through my stuff in the first place then this wouldn't even have happened."

Spencer gaped at him and tried to assemble his thoughts before he spoke again. "Actually, I think it's a good thing that this happened; it was a well-timed wake up call for the both of us." When Derek looked at him in confusion he continued. "I can't expect you to turn your life upside down for me Derek. This isn't your fault; you shouldn't have to hide half of your possessions from me for fear of what I'll do."

"What are saying Spencer?"

"It's unfair!"

By now Derek had stopped what he was doing, satisfied that he had gotten rid of anything that was potentially harmful to Spencer and his recovery. He was drawn to what Spencer had said; not by the words themselves but by the way the younger profiler had said them. He wasn't being whiny or self-pitying but he was stating a fact; a hard, cold fact that would have an adverse impact on his life for as long as he lived.

"No Spencer it isn't fair."

Spencer nodded when he realised that Derek knew what he was saying, that he had been able to read between the lines and understand where the younger agent was coming from.

"I hate that I'm never going to be able to fully trust myself again. I've always been self-reliant and self-capable and now I'm just… not. Going to the Doctor will never be as simple as it once was and with our job, hospitals are a given. What if they give me something by accident or I'm injured badly enough that they'll be left with no other choice _but _to give me something narcotic? I'll be forced to start all over again and I'm so tired I don't think I have it in me to do this again."

Derek was at a loss for words. He knew exactly what Spencer was grappling with, but at the same time, he had absolutely no idea. He wasn't the one who got hooked on Dilauded, and although he had been with Spencer throughout his struggle he had absolutely no idea what it was like to be the one actually having to overcome the battle. Suddenly the benefits of NA meetings seemed more prominent to Derek than ever. They would be able to help the younger agent in ways that he never could.

Seeing that Spencer was on the brink of breaking, given last night's health scare and this morning's emotional struggle, Derek pulled him into a fierce hug. He may not have the words to offer Spencer or be able to say the right thing, but he was the younger man's pillar of support and that was something that was never going to change.

Derek was a little startled at the strength at which Spencer returned the hug; clutching the older agent's back like it was the one and only thing preventing him from spiralling out of control. They both knew that the meeting couldn't wait. Spencer had to go to one _now. _It was obvious, and the sooner the better.

Derek ran his hand up and down Spencer's spine, while his other hand caressed his hair. He knew that Spencer found both gestures soothing, and within seconds he felt the younger agent's breathing even out.

"What were you doing in the bathroom cabinet anyway?" Derek asked, curiosity painting his voice instead of accusation.

"Cramps." Spencer muttered into his shoulder.

"You left your medication in the car. I'll go down and get it for you, then you hop in the shower and get cleaned up while I find a place close to here to go to with a meeting that starts soon. Okay?"

Derek didn't receive an answer, but he hadn't expected one. Spencer only burrowed his face further into the older agent's shoulder and Derek felt the heat flare at the skin that nestled there.

"Don't be embarrassed Spence." He murmured into his ear reassuringly. "This is nothing to be ashamed of."

And with that he pecked the younger agent on his temple before going down the stairs and retrieving the packet given to Spencer from the pharmacy.

Once the younger of the two had taken the prescribed dose, Derek once again returned down the stairs to search the internet for something suitable to fit Spencer and his needs.

He was surprised at the number of places around his area, but more than that, he was grateful for the high number. It meant that he had no difficulty finding what he was looking for and that he had some time to think before he heard the shower shut off upstairs.

Too close. It had been too close today, and Derek had no one but himself to blame. Spencer was right… it had been a wake-up call. He berated himself for a full ten minutes at the very least on his stupidity and swore that he would never do something so blatantly idiotic again. He was going to scour his house at the first available opportunity he had; to ensure that he didn't have anything else that would be potentially harmful lying around. He would have laughed at the irony of bringing Spencer back to his house to get him clean and help him stay that way when it was literally littered with temptation, but really, he found absolutely _nothing _funny about that kind of mistake.

It was not a mistake he would be making again. Of that he was sure.

He plastered on a fake aura of nonchalance despite his inner turmoil when he heard the creak of the stairs that alerted him to Spencer's descent. He grabbed a paper and a pen and wrote down the name of the meeting and the address of where it was being held.

"Everything okay?"

Derek turned around and couldn't help but smile at the vision Spencer presented with him with. He looked just like his old self, perhaps a little thinner and slightly more pale, the bags beneath his eyes more pronounced, but he looked a lot healthier than he had been over the last few days and even the last few weeks before he made it to Derek's house. His glasses hinted at the genuine personality brimming beneath the surface, and even his clothes were so distinctly Spencer that Derek couldn't help but be secure in the knowledge that everything would be alright, despite the hiccough that they were both confronted with this morning.

"Yeah. I think I found a place that's perfect for you. It's for people like us who work in law enforcement. It's right around the corner and starts at nine. If we leave now we can make it."

It only took the slight gleam of discomfort to flit across Spencer's face for Derek to know what he was thinking. "I want to drive you, but I won't go in with you if you don't want me to; and here's the best part," Derek said, pausing for emphasis, "I won't even get offended." He winked. "Now how great is that?"

Spencer snorted before grabbing Derek's car keys and throwing them at him. He really did appreciate Derek's attempt at humour and how it managed to dissipate the tension of the situation.

"Whatever you say Agent Morgan."

Derek laughed before following his lover out the door.

He wouldn't deny that he was still tense, angry with himself, and his stomach a bubble of anxiety. But he knew that this would do Spencer a world of good, and that it would help Derek by association. Everything would be okay, so long as he kept his head about him and didn't slip up like that again. Everything would be okay, and he was happy to find that he believed it. As he got into his car and Spencer shot him an appreciative smile he felt the anxiety bubble burst and slowly drift away; he really did believe it.

**I want to apologise for the last chapter. It wasn't my best, and I wrote and rewrote and read and reread but I just wasn't happy and I think it showed. I hope this chapter makes up for it… and be prepared for some epic fluff and **_**maybe **_**some sexy times next chapter ;D**

**You guys didn't really believe I'd let him relapse did you ;) I just felt like Spencer would need some sort of prompt to get him to go to a group this early on you know?**

**Nannily: ****Thank you for the review! Hope you're pleased with this outcome!**

**Hypnopomic: ****Wow, just wow. Your review was so amazing and really just made my day. Seriously, I proper blushed while reading it and I feel like if I said thank you to you an infinite number of times it still wouldn't suffice. Seriously. Thank you so much for "feeding my ego" :P Really, I won't complaing about being showered with compliments lol, and I just love hearing things like this and knowing that people are enjoying the story and appreciate the effort that I put in to everything that I give out so really, thank you once again.**

**Jennifer loomis: ****Thanks for the review! I actually feel kind of bad about how horrible I'm being lol, but as the chapter shows, I think it was a necessary thing to happen.**

**KimOfDrac: ****I think we're two pea's from the same pod :P I also love it when Reid struggles… for the same reasons as you do ;) Thank you for your review!**

**Mia: ****You did it again! :'D LOL! Omw what episode of S8 was the bromance? I need to know! Hehe and psht, even if the show is only pushing for FRIENDSHIP, not even bromance, do I watch with my slash glasses on ;D Thank you for your review!**

**People Person I'm Not: ****I hope you like this outcome… and as far as those idiots… nothing much can be said except what goes around comes around… cliché but VERY true. Thank you for the review.**

**Irishgirl9: ****I hope you like this outcome! And I'm glad you liked the conversation with Hotch. Thanks for the review.**

**Jaimie1991: ****Thank you for the review and thank you for the compliment! Waa, I wouldn't know :'( Criminal Minds isn't big in South Africa, and the random channel that they do play it on isn't airing Season 8 yet… I'm DISTRAUGHT! But a few of my reviewers have been raving about that episode so I am DYING to watch it!**

**Klagana1: ****Thanks for the review! Hehe, hope you like this outcome!**

**Marcallie: ****My thoughts EXACTLY! The poor guy's been through enough! Hopefully this chapter shows why I had to do it. Thank you for the review!**

**Olivia: ****Thank you so so much! And I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the review!**

**Guest: ****Thank you for the review! And I hope this chapter explains it all.**

**Wainwright: ****Thank you for your review! I hope you like that this chapter is a longer than last time. I try to have my chapters 3000 words (without all the notes and replies) at the very least, it just wasn't working for the last chapter :/ but I hope this makes up for it! And I think next chapter will be long as well! :D It really does suck waiting! And I have until the end of December to wait :/ Oh well, University is University :P**


	18. Flaring Flame

**Flaring Flame**

**A/N: Here's an extra-long, extremely fluffy chapter to say thank you to everyone who's read this story and enjoyed it. Thank you to all my awesome reviewers as well as my followers, favorites and alerts.**

**Disclaimer: I own my slash glasses, not Criminal Minds**

To say that Derek felt like a caged animal would have been a colossal understatement.

He had driven to the location that the address had provided, waving Spencer off with a practised sense of ease and calm, before watching him enter the building and finally letting his emotions loose. He presented Spencer with the image of being so calm and assured of the situation; when in reality, all he had actually wanted to do was grab the younger man's arm and never let him go. _When had he become so _possessive_? _The very notion itself irked him. He was _not _that kind of guy.

Derek gripped the steering wheel with such force that he was surprised that it didn't snap in half. He knew he was being too hard on himself; really he did. It wasn't his fault that any of this had happened; he hadn't even thought to scour his house upon Spencer's arrival, and it certainly wasn't his sole responsibility to try and protect Spencer from harm – but he just couldn't help it; it's who he was.

Although he was younger, Spencer was a grown man, perfectly capable of looking out for himself, and the younger agent was right… he _had _to learn how to control the cravings, because even though what had happened to him wasn't fair, the world was most certainly not going to stop spinning just because he had suffered through an ordeal. Narcotics weren't going to simply vanish just because they were now a threat to Spencer. The world wasn't going to change its functioning just because Spencer had to change his own, and Derek needed to understand that.

It was not his job to protect Spencer, but he couldn't help but want to fill that role. No, _need _to fill that role.

Looks like they both had some demons that they needed to face.

Now, Derek found himself sitting in his car in front of the building, staring it down as if it was to blame for everything that had happened. He wanted to stay right where he was, easily reachable should anything happen, but then he realised how truly ridiculous that was. Smothering Spencer was certainly not going to help matters, and watching over him twenty-four seven like some kind of amorphous watchdog on steroids was _not _healthy behaviour for any sort of relationship; intimate or otherwise.

Derek turned his keys in the ignition and reversed out of the parking lot. He had at least an hour before he would need to pick Spencer up again, which gave him ample time to pick up some dog food for Clooney and even go to a proper grocery store and buy some things to supplement the meagre amount of food that he had managed to buy at the twenty-four hour convenience store.

Secure in his decision, he went about the chore of doing his shopping with a surprisingly calm demeanour; feeling more content with the situation than he had for days. Before he knew it, a full hour had almost passed and he made his way back to the building where the meeting was being held, with a few minutes to spare, in order to pick Spencer up.

Derek watched as people streamed out of the grand oak doors of the old, stony building. Many broke off into small groups to chat whilst others simply got in their cars and drove away. Being the profiler that he was, he studied their facial expressions and their body language, noting that some people seemed to be completely at ease, relaxed and chatting amicably as if it were a simple social gathering, whilst others seemed withdrawn and hesitant to interact with those around him.

He was pleased to note that these individuals always seemed to be brought back to themselves by other members of the group. Just a calm pat on the shoulder or an offering of coffee seemed to do the trick, and Derek knew without a sliver of a doubt that this was easily one of the best decisions and one of the best places that Spencer could have chosen to be.

The older agent felt himself panic slightly when he didn't see Spencer amongst the throng of people, but his fears were quickly laid to rest when he saw the younger agent strolling out of the doorway with an older gentleman. The elder man had a soft smile as he spoke to Spencer, the younger agent listening intently to what he said and nodding his head enthusiastically.

When he spotted Derek's car across the lot, he said his goodbye's to the elder man, shaking his hand whilst he received a pat on the shoulder, smiling their goodbyes before he buried his hands deep in his pockets and walked to the car, smiling and offering his signature 'half-wave' to several people along the way.

Spencer opened the car door and got in the passenger seat, closing the door behind him with an audible sigh of relief.

"Hey kid, how was it?" Derek asked kindly.

"Surprisingly good actually." Spencer replied sincerely, turning his head to look at him.

The older agent smiled in return as he started the car and drove them out of the parking lot.

They spent a few minutes in comfortable, if not slightly awkward silence, before Spencer finally said something to quell the tension.

"You can ask about it you know, it's not like it's a subject that's off limits or anything."

"I know it's not." Derek replied truthfully after a few seconds of contemplation. "But I don't really know exactly what's going on in that big brain of yours. I know you like your privacy and if I'm honest… I don't really know what to say or ask in this situation." He paused for a beat before continuing with humour. "I can't say I've ever experienced something like this before."

Spencer snorted and looked at Derek. "I can't say that I've ever experienced something like this before either."

The older agent chuckled at that, glad that Spencer wasn't offended by his slight ignorance regarding the situation. "But it helped right? I mean, you're feeling okay now?"

"Yeah." Spencer breathed in heavily, exhaling as his lips curved into a contented smile. "It did help, and I'm feeling a lot better, really I am. But I'm not disillusioned; I know it's not like some magical quick fix that can take it all away. I've got a lot of work to do, after hearing some of the stories today; I won't deny that maintaining my sobriety is going to be one of the hardest things I'm ever going to have to do. It's going to be this constant… thing, niggling at my life, and if I'm honest…"

The young man stopped then, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought hard, struggling with whatever it was that was circumnavigating his thoughts.

"What Spencer?" Derek asked gently. They had pulled into the driveway now and the older agent unbuckled his seatbelt, turning so that he could regard Spencer with his utmost attention.

Spencer took a deep breath, his voice shaking slightly when he next spoke. "I'm a drug addict Derek… and that scares me. It scares me more than anything ever has in my entire life."

The older agent just stared at Spencer, completely unsure of what he should say given his lover's desperate admission. He had always been a man of action, words often evading him in ways that his body language never did. So he did the only thing he knew how to do; he reached over and grasped Spencer's shoulder, turning him so that they were facing each other because what was going to happen next was important.

Slowly, Derek shifted his hand so that it was tangled in Spencer's hair, allowing him to pull the younger agent towards him so that Derek could envelop him in a hug. The gesture seemed so innocent; so calm and serene yet it spoke volumes about their relationship and the turn that it had taken.

With one gesture, Derek was able to assure Spencer that he would always be there, that they had already been through so much together and that nothing more could possibly scare him away. With one gesture, Derek was able to quell Spencer's fears, and though he wasn't able to eradicate them completely, he was able to simmer them down to a controllable level; to a state that would allow Spencer to function whilst ensuring that he kept a hold of his inhibitions all at the same time.

"You know," Derek whispered into his ear, "my vocabulary is nowhere near as large as yours." He paused when Spencer attempted to stifle a snigger. Playfully, he pinched the younger man into silence so that he could continue. "But I think you get what I mean when I say I'm here for you, in more ways than that one statement alone can convey. You do get that right?"

Spencer exhaled contentedly into the older man's shoulder, burrowing into him before replying. "I understand; and even if I didn't… I'd say that carting me around Emergency Rooms and Narcotics Anonymous meetings pretty much sums it up for me." He pushed back so that he could look Derek in the eyes, their faces mere inches apart. "Not to mention all the stuff that happened before that; did I ever say thank you by the way?"

Derek smiled at him warmly, playing with a piece of his hair, thinking before he answered. "You didn't have to say it for me to know that you were thankful, even when you were screaming obscenities at me from across the room."

"O God, I – I –"

"But yes Spencer," Derek cut him off before he could get too wound up, "you have said thank you, though you've never had to thank me in the first place."

"Yes I do. As completely cheesy as it sounds, I owe you everything. I don't think I would have gotten through this had you not intervened – I would have lost it all."

"Spence, that's –"

"So please let me say thank you; sincerely this time."

Derek did nothing but nod mutely, too awed at the strength Spencer was displaying as well as the feel of his fingertips against his lips, which the younger agent had used to silence him.

Though the atmosphere in the car had steadily become heated throughout the conversation, Derek still expected Spencer to give him a long-winded 'thank you'; ensuring that he included as many details as possible, supplementing them with the biggest and most confusing list of words that could be found in the English dictionary.

But it would seem that sometimes, even for the great Doctor Reid, words were simply not enough; and so Spencer leaned forwards instead, opting to bridge the gap between them and give Derek one of the most emotionally charged and satisfying kisses of his entire life.

Derek would be lying if he said he wasn't stunned at the intensity and raw passion that Spencer was displaying, but he wouldn't be lying if he confessed to the fact that in that moment, he did not care.

It took only mere seconds for the windows around them to frost over with steam, and only a few more seconds after that for them both to realise that this was getting very, _very _out of hand.

Spencer broke away first, gazing at Derek intently before speaking. "I don't think your neighbours would appreciate _that _kind of a show."

"Well actually, I think that –"

"Derek…"

"Okay, okay." He raised his hands in mock surrender. "I'm not big on exhibitionism anyway."

"It doesn't sound that way whenever I hear you and Garcia on the phone; seems to me like she has _a lot _of visual evidence to draw from."

"Jealous?" Derek winked.

"Not in the least." Spencer drawled. He watched in amusement as Derek's smirk dropped from his face before he elaborated. Leaning over he tapped the side of his head. "Eidetic memory, remember? And believe me; I got more than enough to draw on two nights ago – in _exact _detail."

Spencer didn't see the shocked expression that dominated Derek's face. He didn't even realise how truly successful his attempt at flirting really was, and Derek found that he only loved him all the more for it. The fact that he was so clueless made him so irresistible to the older agent that Derek felt nothing but pride at the fact that he had managed to snag Spencer all to himself.

He watched as the younger agent got out of the car and began to gather some of the shopping bags that were resting in the back seat. Moving to help him, Derek couldn't help but think that, despite the horrific start to the day that they had had to endure this morning, the afternoon really was looking up.

He looked forward to doing nothing more than spending the day at home, in Spencer's company, relaxing with the one he loved and enjoying the first peaceful Sunday that either of them experienced since their case in Georgia all those weeks ago.

CM/CM/CM/CM/CM

The rest of the day was spent in pure bliss. It was so peaceful; so serene and so domestically average that at first, it had felt strange, even bordering on awkward at times.

Surprisingly, it was Spencer who always seemed to rectify these moments. He would say something that was so out of character yet completely appropriate given the context, that Derek was reminded to come back to himself and simply enjoy the moment for what it was. For once, he was the one who had to refrain from over-analysing the situation instead of it being Spencer.

They had spent the better part of the afternoon sitting outside, relishing in the fresh air and the feel of the sun on their skin after far too many days of being cooped up indoors. The feeling itself prompted Derek to open all the doors and windows around the house, doing everything in his power to rid it of the smell of sickness so that new smells and better memories could take root.

Clooney was most pleased with the change in demeanour. After being imprisoned outside, alone, for so many days, he found the company of the two men outside overwhelming, and could do nothing to quell his excitement. He had boisterously jumped all over Derek when he and Spencer had first emerged from the house, even turning his attention to the younger agent, but in a far more reserved manner and at a much slower pace – as if he knew exactly what had happened to him over the past few weeks and that he was still in a period of recovery.

Derek spent a large chunk of the afternoon simply throwing a tennis ball from one side of the garden to another, chatting to Spencer as they sat on the patio step, both staring at the dog in bemused wonderment as he never seemed to tire. Obviously he had a lot of pent up energy from being denied his daily walk since Spencer's arrival, and immediately the younger agent felt guilty.

Both men were surprised when Clooney suddenly stopped playing, ignoring the tennis ball as it flew past him and opting to lie next to Spencer instead, resting his head in his lap with eyes that begged for attention and yearned for Spencer to pet him. The younger agent complied with a small chuckle and Derek wondered when exactly in the last few days the relationship had begun to form.

What was interesting about the conversation was that they learned so much about each other, yet they didn't speak about anything in particular. They had known each other for three years now, and whilst they had undoubtedly gotten to know one another there was still so much unexplored territory that either had yet to traverse. The journey, however, was well underway and even though Derek knew that he would never know it all, the exploration had begun, and he couldn't be happier.

Before either of them knew it, the night sky had changed the universe above them from the clearest blue to the darkest navy, the two men blanketed in blackness. Spencer wanted nothing more to stay where he was; sandwiched between Derek and Clooney and feeling far more safe and content than he had in years. Sadly though, his body had other ideas.

The combination of last night's visit to the Emergency Room, as well as this morning's Vicodin scare had left both men physically exhausted and emotionally spent. With the evening sky coated around them, it didn't take long for Clooney to doze off in Spencer's lap, yawns from the part of both men following not long after.

"I think it's time we called it a night Pretty Boy." Derek yawned.

"I think you're right." Spencer agreed through half-lidded eyes. "I feel bad about him though." Spencer pointed at Clooney.

"Nah, don't worry about him, once he's asleep he's out for the count, seriously." And Derek proved his words to be true as he leaned over Spencer and gently lifted Clooney's head in order to place it on the dog's paws in front of him, his canine features not even quirking at the action.

"You weren't kidding." Spencer said, as he watched in awe as the dog soundlessly slept on. "I wish I could sleep like that." He said with a tinge of sadness.

"You will." Derek puffed as he stood up, reaching down to give Spencer a hand up. "Eventually."

And he sounded so certain that Spencer simply smiled in reply before following him indoors and to bed, hoping with all hope that eventually would start tonight; because if he was honest, he was far too tired for any sort of alternative.

His sleep had gotten off to a good start, he had succumbed to the sweet lull of calmness with relative ease, Derek's even breathing beside him and the soft sway of the curtains as they danced in the breeze aiding him in his venture. But he awoke in the early morning darkness due to nothing in particular, and found himself unable to fall back asleep once again.

His mind began to work at a mile a minute; replaying the events of not only the past day but the past few days and then even the past few weeks, recounting all the good memories first until the bad ones began to set in, and before Spencer knew it he had overwhelmed himself into such a state of panic that he began to feel suffocated lying in the bedroom.

Not wanting to disturb the older agent sleeping beside him, he quietly rose from the bed and crept out of the room, taking his time to avoid any creaks as he descended the stairs, before making his way to the glass sliding door and slipping it open.

He was greeted by a slight ruffling of his hair, courtesy of the cool night breeze, before he quickly closed the door as Clooney came bounding up to him. The dog looked to be smiling – if that was even possible – and Spencer knelt down to thread his fingers through the dog's fur as he danced about his legs happily before running into the shadows of the garden, only to return seconds later with a tennis ball firmly attached to his mouth.

Spencer snorted, amused that the dog still had energy in him to play, especially at this time of night. But Spencer couldn't sleep, and he still felt guilty at all of the attention he had stolen from Clooney over the past few days, and so he grabbed the tennis ball from the dog's mouth and walked to the edge of the pool, allowing the aquamarine light to illuminate the space of garden around him before he threw the ball to the furthest end of the grass as he possibly could.

Clooney yapped excitedly as he raced after the ball, Spencer laughing in response to the dog's enthusiasm. They continued to play, Clooney getting more and more excited as the game wore on and Spencer, against his better judgement, continued to encourage him, too happy in the moment to care that maybe they were being a little too loud or even that it would take ages to calm Clooney back down again once the game was over.

He was so caught up with throwing the ball and laughing at the crazy dog's antics that he didn't hear the sliding door open and closed behind him.

He threw the ball one more time, laughing as Clooney yapped his way after it before he felt a pair of powerful arms wrap around his midsection and angle him towards the pool, threatening to throw him in.

"Not funny Derek!" Spencer screeched, swatting at Derek's arms as the older agent jumped out of his way.

Spencer didn't think it was possible, but Clooney became even more excited at the new addition to their rendezvous, and came galloping up to Derek, tennis ball in his mouth, dropping it at his feet and wagging his tail enthusiastically.

When the older agent made no attempt to reach for the ball, Spencer swiped it up with ease and threw it to the other end of the garden, Clooney barking after it excitedly.

"You're going to give my dog a heart-attack." Derek playfully chastised. "That's if my neighbours don't lynch you first."

Spencer snorted in response, knowing that he should at least attempt to tone it down seeing as the neighbours were all trying to sleep in preparation for their work-day tomorrow, but he just couldn't find it in him to care; he was having far too much fun.

He laid his hand on Derek's shoulder, before attempting to mock-push him in the pool.

"Oh no Pretty Boy, do you really want to see who would win that fight?" Derek threw back, before jumping in front of Spencer right as Clooney returned and snatching the ball straight from his mouth, teasing him for a few moments before throwing it for him to fetch, the dog's excitement increasing ten-fold.

Spencer laughed at how alike both dog and owner were in their mannerisms before throwing Derek a look that screamed 'unimpressed' and drawled in his most monotonous tone. "I'd like to see you try." He threw back, jumping in front of Derek this time to grab the ball from Clooney, whose excitement at this point was completely palpable and most arguably out of hand.

"Is that a threat?" Derek asked, before grabbing Spencer's biceps and pushing him towards the edge.

"Actually it is." Spencer countered as he forced his body around so that it was Derek who was now being pushed to the edge.

"Which one of us will win I wonder?" Derek waggled his eyebrows.

And before Spencer could answer Clooney came bounding back up the grass, barking manically and running unsteadily on his feet. Derek, who was distracted in his attempts to intimidate Spencer didn't notice the impending danger. Spencer, however, noticed too late as Clooney came streaking up to them, and before he could even warn Derek the dog was barrelling into the older agents legs causing him to lose his balance.

Spencer had no time to react as Derek latched on to the front of his shirt, trying to grasp something to prevent his fall but only succeeding in surprising Spencer and sending him off balance too – both of them tumbling unceremoniously into the pool – neither one, winning their battle of dominance.

The first thing Spencer heard as he surfaced was Clooney's crazed barking and then Derek's laughter; hoarse and unrestrained and so damned infectious that he could do nothing but laugh as well.

He splashed Derek in the face as he realised that the older agent still clutched at his shirt. "In what kind of parallel universe did that cross your mind as a good plan of action?"

"It didn't really cross my mind Spence, I just reached for the thing that was closest to me and that just happened to be you."

"And how did that work out for you?" Spencer asked, distracted as he gazed at Clooney, who gave them a slightly disgusted look at the fact that he was no longer receiving any attention before he dropped the tennis ball into the pool and trotted off.

When he turned back to face Derek he jumped slightly, the older agent having closed the meagre gap between them and staring at him intently.

"I'd say that it worked in my favour." He murmured, leaning in and surprising Spencer as he captured his lips with his own.

Though he was initially shocked, Spencer didn't take long to rebound and reciprocate, putting out as much passion as Derek himself was putting in.

Their tongues collided with both impassioned grace and raw power that it was overwhelming yet satisfying all at the same time.

The water was almost ethereal in its beauty; translucent and tinged blue, glowing in the moonlight and bobbing up and down in an almost synchronised fashion. It was cold to the touch and calming to the senses. It created the perfect backdrop for the occasion, its cool texture contrasting magnificently with the heat emanating between the two bodies that were slowly traversing its depths.

Spencer's arms wound their way around Derek's neck of their own accord; the younger man wanting nothing more than to get impossibly closer whilst the older agent's body language mirrored the sentiment.

They floated together against the tide of water until; finally, Derek was able to press Spencer up against the wall of the pool.

Much to the younger agent's confusion, Derek broke away so that he was able to regard his lover intently. "You know what I think Spencer?"

The younger man shook his head in reply.

"I think you have a particular kink for swimming pools."

Derek succumbed to guffawed laughter at the mortified expression that overtook Spencer's face at his statement, the heated blush rising from his neck enough to set the entire pool to bubbling as it boiled as a result.

Emboldened by this reaction, Derek lent forward and attached his lips to the soft skin of Spencer's neck, determined to not only feel, but taste the blush as it crept towards his face, growing redder with each passing second.

He heard Spencer mumble something about 'traitorous fair skin' before his breath hitched at Derek's insistent movements.

Still hesitant in his movements, Spencer slowly moved his hands from Derek's neck to his shoulders, bringing them together at the midline and trailing them down the older man's spine. Now it was Derek's turn for his breath to hitch, and he thanked whatever God's above for his dark skin and its ability to hide the effect that Spencer's touch was having on him – Derek Morgan did _not _blush.

Their lips connected in yet another electrifying kiss, as Derek's hands found their way beneath Spencer's shirt. Pleasantly, he was surprised when Spencer moved closer to him, tangling their legs in his attempt and not shying away from the contact at all.

Satisfied with his comfort with this, Derek lifted the hem of Spencer's shirt and immediately the younger profiler lifted his arms to allow it to heft over his head. It astounded Derek that this was the same man who, only five days ago, refused to allow him to trail his hand up his chest whilst his shirt was still on.

Seizing the opportunity he had been denied before Derek ran his fingers up and down Spencer's torso and relished in the sharp shivers that the motion elicited. Entwining his fingers in the agent's hand he bent his head and kissed every patch of skin on Spencer's torso available to him above the water.

He felt the younger agent's fingertips trail their way up his neck, resting beneath his chin and bringing their lips together for yet another open-mouthed and heated kiss, the hand landing to rest beneath Derek's shirt once its objective was achieved.

It was only once Derek ground him further into the wall of the pool that Spencer broke away, breathless and panting to whisper in his ear. "I think we need to move this back inside."

"I'm not sure I'm willing to comply with that request Doctor Reid – as logical as it may be."

"Agent Morgan," Spencer admonished, about to mirror their conversation from earlier on in the day, "I don't think your neighbours would appreciate _that _kind of a show."

"Well actually," Derek smirked, "I think that –"

"Derek…"

They both laughed at the renewed sense of nostalgia and undeniable déjà vu; it was a feeling that neither man would mind reliving for the rest of their lives.

Spencer gave a slight shiver when he realised, for the first time, how icy the water was in the chill night air. Derek pulled him close, walking them to the steps of the pool with their bodies pressed together to provide them with heat.

As they climbed the steps of the pool Derek couldn't help but quip. "Maybe if you had a little more meat on your bones you wouldn't get cold so easily."

"Maybe if you had a little more tact you wouldn't antagonise a man that clearly has the upper hand."

"What –"

Spencer didn't let Derek conclude his inquisition before he spun around and pushed him straight back into the pool; taking fair advantage of his lead and racing towards the house, Derek only surfacing in enough time to see him disappear around the corner of the sliding door.

Oh, it was on now.

**I hope you all enjoyed the fluff! I've been working on a oneshot for like two months now and it's really taking a lot out of me, I think if you read it when I post I'll see you why, so I really enjoyed writing this and just having fun with it. I hope you like it too.**

**People Person I'm Not: ****Hehe, I'm glad you were so happy! I promise you I'm going to try and update this fast now that I'm on holiday. So many story ideas, so little time! Thanks for the review.**

**Nannily: ****Thank you for the review! And I hope you enjoyed the fluff! I hope it's as 'epic' as I led you to believe :P**

**Klagana1: ****Me too! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Olivia: ****Thank you so much for the compliment! And I'm really glad you think so! I've been trying to keep it realistic because I also don't like it when they're suddenly just shacking up together right after they admit they have feelings, lol. Thanks for review and I hope you enjoy this update.**

**Guest: ****Wow thank you so so much! I hate to seem needy, but sometimes when we feel our stories aren't going in the right direction we just need that reassurance you know? And you definitely gave it so thank you very much and thanks for the review!**

**Wainwright: ****Hehe thank you! I'm really glad you thought so! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. It is a long time to wait, but don't worry I'm definitely passing the time with fun things and I have so many story ideas I want to post these holidays so I'll definitely be keeping busy. Thank you for the review!**

**Palmer Blu: ****Thanks so much! Hehe, I won't deny, I enjoy Reid angst as much as the next person, but having him relapse after everything would have just been plain mean :P Hope you enjoy this update as well. Thank you for the review.**

**Mia: ****Mia, Mia, Mia, a tease? Me? Never! ;) Haha, look I really was planning on doing a lot more in terms of 'sexy time', but I felt like that was a good end point you know? Lol, so I hope you enjoy it and aren't too disappointed :P Listen… they could air Morgan and Reid as complete strangers and I'd STILL watch with my slash glasses on, so you're talking to the right girl! My word, like when I read what you wrote about "****Don't let the good doctor fool you, Reid's deceptively athletic" my mind went there too… and when I say there I mean totally socially inappropriate thoughts there, lol, and Mr Moore is beyond sexy, I can't even take it :P Lol! Hugs back and thank you so much for the review and I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm distraught that I can't watch Season 8! Damn you South Africa!**


	19. Tentative Light

**Tentative Light**

**A/N: So sorry for the long wait. I got caught up in my new story "Uncertain Certainty", wow the response was overwhelming! But here's the next chapter! And I hope you enjoy :D Thank you to all alerts, favorites and most importantly… reviews!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

The two of them had not only succeeded in trailing water throughout the entire house with their childish game, but Derek had somehow managed to knock over one of his own side tables while trying to corner Spencer, consequently sending its contents cluttering to the ground and emitting an entirely too large cacophony of noise.

It had only been a few seconds after that, the two men trying to pick everything up and rearrange it into some sort of semblance of order, that Derek's elderly neighbour – the one who came over and fed Clooney when he was away – called him in hysterics, swearing that someone must have broken into his house.

Despite the fact that the two men were both trying their utmost best to conceal their laughter, they did feel bad for startling the woman; and so when Derek finally managed to assure her that everything was okay, he had ended the call which had effectively put an end to their childish antics as well.

Derek was relieved to see this new, playful side to Spencer, and he knew it had a lot to do with the fact that neither of them had to worry about going in to work the following day. Derek had briefly told Spencer about his conversation with their Unit Chief, though he had left out the part about Hotch knowing about them, given that Spencer had had to deal with enough stress throughout the day.

Seeing the younger agent standing before him with his teeth chattering and his entire body shaking like a leaf, Derek had insisted that he go upstairs that very instant and take a piping hot shower. He had struggled to school his face into one of sternness and formality, as he held his ground in the fact that he was _not _going to follow Spencer up the stairs and join him. It wasn't for lack of wanting… quite the opposite actually, but the fact remained that they had only one day left before they had to return to work and they both needed as much rest as they could possibly get – a joint shower only serving to undermine that fact.

Even as he thought about it Derek smirked devilishly… Spencer pouted.

The older agent laughed as his lover trudged up the stairs, as if he were on his way to a funeral. He found the sulky look on the younger man endearing, and knew that it was all in good fun when Spencer flashed him a smile over his shoulder as he reached the first landing.

Shaking his head, Derek set about stripping down to his boxers and laying his clothes across one of the kitchen counters to dry. He didn't have the energy to go about preparing an entire batch of laundry and he wanted to quickly clean up any hazardous puddles of water so that he wouldn't have to contend with it first thing the following morning.

Once the job was done, he made sure everything was locked up once again before returning upstairs. He had just changed into a fresh pair of sweats and shirt when Spencer emerged from the bathroom, clad in fresh bed clothes as well, and towelling his hair dry.

"Doesn't that ever make you sick?" Derek asked him seriously.

Spencer stopped his ministrations and looked at him in confusion before the older agent elaborated. "Going to bed with wet hair?"

Spencer smiled at him and instantly Derek knew what was coming next. "Actually, the theory that sleeping with wet hair causing one to get sick is entirely false. You see, it's not the density, constitution or even the temperature of the hair itself, but rather the impact of –"

"It's an old wives' tale." Derek summarised.

"Yes. It's an old wives' tale." Spencer agreed. He looked at Derek curiously for a moment before smirking out his next comment. "What would you know about going to bed with wet hair anyway?"

The young agent screeched as Derek balled up the wet boxer's he had in his hand and threw them at him jovially. "I'll have you know that I sported _quite _the fro back in my day."

"I'd ask to see a photograph for clarification… but I'm aware that the picture quality wasn't of the highest standards one hundred years ago."

"Oh, you have sass?" Derek asked, ignoring the towel that Spencer threw at him in his vain attempt to halt the older man's attack as he grabbed him around his midsection and all but wrestled him onto the bed.

Once he had Spencer in an inescapable stronghold, he ghosted his breath across the younger agent's face as he whispered proudly. "I'm putting you in a time out."

"For outsmarting you?"

"No, for being smarter _than_ me."

Spencer frowned at him. "That's hardly fair, I can't help my genetics; and anyway your statement's entirely too generalised. I've said it before, intelligence can't be measured. Just because I have an eidetic memory doesn't mean I'm necessarily smarter than you. You have social intelligence and practical intelligence and –"

Derek cut him off by kissing him thoroughly, his tongue needy and demanding and Spencer's plaint and eager to the onslaught. Spencer's informative ramblings often grated on the nerves of people who didn't know him. It annoyed them to no end but it only served to make Derek smile and gleam with happiness. It marked the younger agent's return, to those around him and to himself as well. It was evidence of the fact that he was healing.

He pulled away and looked down into dilated hazel eyes, satisfied.

"I'm putting you in a time out." Spencer said seriously, feeling the flush that had risen to his face.

"For wooing you?"

"No, for taking so long to do it."

Derek chuckled at him. "My apologies."

"Don't worry, I can think of a number of ways for you to make it up to me."

Derek groaned at the loaded implications of what Spencer was saying before jumping off the bed. "Go to sleep Doctor Reid."

Spencer sighed playfully before getting under the covers, the stark coldness of the sheets making him shiver. He looked around the room when he didn't feel the familiar weight settling beside him and saw Derek picking up the wet towel and boxers and taking them to the bathroom. He was still sniggering when Derek returned.

The older agent looked at him questioningly and Spencer drawled easily. "Who would have thought, Derek Morgan, bachelor extraordinaire, FBI profiler, exercise heavy-weight and… complete neat-freak."

"Hey! You try growing up being the only guy in a house with three women and not let any of those habits stick."

"Whatever you say Derek."

He heard the older profiler grumble as he turned off the light and got into bed, shivering at the onslaught of air as Derek lifted the covers.

Derek was just about to reach out towards him when Spencer automatically rolled to the centre of the bed where he could feel the older man's warmth. Half-asleep already, he nestled into the other man's side and his breathing almost instantly evened out.

Derek couldn't help but marvel at the motion. This was Spencer Reid, the man who absolutely _hated _physical contact and pretty much resented any person who seemed to enforce it. Now, he was seeking it out on his own; as desperately and essentially as a human being seeks out oxygen.

_Another sign of progress. _Derek thought, and he realised that he and Spencer would have been perfectly fine to go work the following day – the younger man even doing without the muscle relaxers for the entire evening. He wasn't going to complain about having an extra day off though.

Cradling Spencer to his chest, he realised that there was plenty to still be done, and he fell asleep with a smile on his face as he realised that he was perfectly content to do each and every single one of them the following day.

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Derek was surprised the following morning when he woke up to find Spencer in the same position that he had fallen asleep in the night before. The alarm clock read ten in the morning, and it was the first time that the younger agent had managed to sleep in, even surpassing Derek, since he had come to stay at the older agent's house.

He was so used to waking up to an empty bed and a subsequent feeling of panic that Derek really just took the time to relish the sight before him – or right beside him.

Spencer had moved impossibly closer during the night, shifting so close to Derek that it appeared that they shared the same coating of skin as they lay together on the one side of the bed. The older agent didn't mind a single bit.

Carefully, he lifted a hand and moved it towards where Spencer had his face buried in the older agent's shoulder; running his fingers through the strands and smiling as he thought of their playful banter from the night before. He thought of the pool and his smile grew wider.

Spencer shifted slightly at the sensation but otherwise didn't wake up. It was obvious that he was deep in sleep – one that he needed – but he needed to start getting his sleeping cycle in the right pattern again. Even with the reasoning, Derek felt bad for having to wake him up.

Trying to be as considerate as possible, he moved the hand that was buried in Spencer's hair and brought it down the younger agent's back, jolting him lightly so that the transition to reality would be as smooth as possible.

It had the desired effect, and Spencer inhaled deeply before his eyes fluttered and opened slowly. It took him a while to focus his gaze, but he smiled once he managed it- and when he saw Derek's face smiling back at him.

"Sorry I had to wake you."

"Hmm. That's okay." The younger man murmured, closing his eyes contentedly. "What time is it?"

"It's ten."

Spencer's eyes snapped open at the revelation, incredulous to the fact that he had actually managed to sleep that long. "Ten?"

Derek chuckled. "I know. I'm surprised you slept that long too."

"Relieved actually." He noticed Derek's questioning glance. "I'm feeling so much better."

The older profiler couldn't help but bury his face in the other's neck and pull him close, hugging their bodies together as he recited Spencer's last sentence in his head – music to his ears.

He gasped in surprise when he felt tentative but familiar lips ghost over the pulse point just below his jaw, Spencer inhaling Derek's scent before kissing the prominent line of his neck.

The older agent couldn't believe the younger profiler's forwardness but quickly realised, when eager lips found his own, that it was something he could definitely see himself getting used to.

"Spence." Derek began, just as the younger's hands found their way under his shirt.

"Hmm?"

"You were wrong about something last night."

The younger agent's hands halted their assault and he pushed back, gazing into Derek's eyes questioningly.

"Oh yes. You, Spencer Reid, boy genius, were actually wrong about something."

"What on earth could I have been wrong about?" Spencer asked seriously, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he desperately recalled their conversations from last night to try and find the fault.

"Right before you insulted me," Derek began, kissing him for emphasis, "by calling me a neat-freak I might add," he continued, silencing the younger agent with his lips as he began to protest, "you said that I was a 'bachelor extraordinaire'." Trailing his hand down Spencer's side, he smirked as the younger man closed his eyes and breathed heavily, determined to concentrate on what Derek was saying rather than the sensations of what he was feeling. Derek grasped his hip; forcing Spencer to open his eyes so that he could murmur to him in what he hoped was his most seductive voice. "Now, I'd say that that's _entirely_ untrue Doctor Reid – I'm hardly a bachelor anymore."

Spencer gazed at him for a while, mulling over his words before his face broke out into a truly dazzling smile. "I can't say I've ever been _this _happy to have been wrong before."

Derek laughed at him. "We needed to get that straight because I know you and," he tapped the younger man's head, "I know that big brain of yours. It was only a matter of time before you started over-thinking it, then over-analysing it, and then trying to label it; so I'm labelling it for you."

"What's the label?" Spencer asked tentatively, a shadow of insecurity glittering in his eyes.

Derek smiled and leaned forward. "Exclusive." He said simply, and then he once again captured Spencer's mouth with his own so that they could resume what they had been doing prior to the short interlude.

Spencer's hands immediately resumed their roaming beneath Derek's shirt, until they grew frustrated with the fabric altogether and sent it flying, his own shirt following not long after that. The young agent was surprised himself by the extent to which he craved the contact of the other man's, skin and pulled him even closer, unable to get enough.

"Whoa Spence, you've really been holding out on me." Derek joked, and even though it chagrined him to say it, Spencer whispered through the blush that dusted his face and gripped the older agent's shoulders tightly as he murmured. "Let me show you by how much."

And that was all it took for the two of them to go tumbling over the edge, indulging in what they had denied themselves for what felt like ages now and relishing in the moment where both their barriers came down; the moment where they stripped each other raw and saw into the souls that were so carefully hidden from the world. It was as primal as it was beautiful and both knew that they would never, truly be able to ever get enough – though they could most certainly try.

It was easily the best morning that either agent could ever have recalled experiencing, and both men were dismayed at the thought that come the following day, they would not be able to spend their mornings entwined with each other; basking in the afterglow and totally content to simply be. To hold each other and never let go, knowing that neither of them actually wanted to.

It was in such a frame of mind that Derek finally whispered in the younger's ear. "We need to get up now."

Spencer sighed contentedly and nodded his head in agreement.

"I think we need to stop by your apartment again and get some more things. We didn't really get everything we wanted to, given the…"

"Little situation that occurred?"

Derek chuckled. "I guess you could call it that."

Spencer smiled. "After we do that we need to take Clooney to the park. I think we both experienced first-hand last night what his pent-up energy is capable of." The young agent shuddered at the memory of Clooney sending them barrelling into the pool.

"We're definitely not the only ones with cabin-fever." Derek agreed, and with that statement said, both profiler's rose from bed and began the routine of preparing themselves to go to Spencer's apartment and then double back to take Clooney to the park.

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The journey to Spencer's apartment the second time around was far better than it had been during the first. The two agents spent the entire drive indulging in light conversation, often sporting the occasional joke and laughing as they reminisced about the team and debated what each member was doing that very second.

If Spencer was honest with himself, he missed them greatly; not just because he hadn't seen them for nearing two weeks now, but because he had been emotionally absent from their lives for weeks beforehand, and he wanted nothing more than to run up to each and every single one of them and apologise for his behaviour.

As was routine by this stage of their partnership, Derek placed his hand on Spencer's leg and brought him back to himself, sensing his thoughts and reassuring him that everything was okay. "Try not to worry about it kid. They all know you and they all know what you've been through. Believe me when I say, the only thing they care about is that you're okay. I promise you."

Spencer smiled genuinely at him but otherwise didn't reply. He didn't feel like he had to, and he sat in bemused wonderment at the power Derek Morgan held over him and the fact that no matter what seemed to happen, the older man always ensured that he would be alright.

He peeked at Derek through his lashes as the older agent drove and simply stared at his face for a moment before looking away. Now, he knew what all the poetry was about. He finally understood why countless artists had the incessant urge to sing about it all over the radio. He finally knew what love felt like, and he never wanted to let that feeling go.

They had arrived at Spencer's apartment and, unlike the last time, he felt mortified at the condition his home was in. He looked to Derek fearfully, ashamed at everything that his apartment communicated about his state of mind while he was on Dilauded. But the older man had simply held him close, wrapping his arm around his waist and kissing him temple, whispering for him to get any other belongings that he would want while Derek himself cleaned up.

"I am the neat-freak after all." He had joked. Spencer had managed a weak smile but scurried off to his room like a frightened mouse, embarrassed that Derek was now cleaning his apartment and that, really, it was no easy task for anyone to endure.

Both men had worked quickly and efficiently, and before either of them knew it, Derek had the apartment looking to be in a far better condition, and Spencer had managed to gather an abundance of things that he deemed to be necessary.

Derek smiled when he eyed an entire bag devoted to books and murmured, "that's more like it" as he picked up the heavy bag so that Spencer had more arms for his other luggage.

The two locked up the apartment before loading Spencer's things in the car, and promptly returning home. Neither man was aware of the fact that this marked the true beginning of Spencer moving in to live with Derek permanently.

Clooney, as if sensing that the two men had something planned for him, followed them throughout the house via the windows that allowed him to see from outside, until Derek finally declared that the rest of the unpacking could wait until they got back, when Clooney was hopefully too exhausted to continue stalking them like "an obsessed demon from the netherworld".

Spencer had laughed at Derek's description but agreed nonetheless, and before either of them knew it, they found themselves sitting on a park bench while Clooney happily played with the other dogs in the distance, occasionally marching up to Derek and demanding a game of 'fetch' when the notion struck him.

Spencer had noticed Derek twitching around and fumbling with his hands for some time, and as the older profiler insisted on trying to maintain their mundane topic of conversation, the young agent decided that he could handle it no more.

"Derek, for the love of God, say whatever it is you're thinking of saying before you smother me with your anxiety."

Derek's eyes had widened at Spencer's tone, and he hastily looked down at his fumbling hands in his lap before stilling them and clutching at the hem of his shirt instead. He was considering the best way to broach the topic when Spencer's slightly manic voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Are you regretting what you said this morning? You are aren't you?" By this point Spencer was staring crazily ahead, his hands moving at the speed at which he was speaking. "If bringing a whole bunch of my stuff back to your house freaked you out I can take it back, like I get it's –"

The older agent grabbed his hands and pulled them towards his face so that he could kiss them. "That is nowhere _near _what I was thinking Spence. How can you even think that after everything that's happened?"

Spencer looked down at their entwined hands, embarrassed by how quickly he had jumped to conclusions and sought the coward's way out, he was just so used to people leaving when the going got rough…

When one of Derek's hands caressed his cheek he flushed in embarrassment as he realised that he had been speaking aloud.

"We've had this conversation before." Derek said simply.

"I know."

Derek nodded seriously before taking a deep breath. "The reason why I'm so antsy about this is because the last time I spoke to Hotch on the phone it didn't go down too well between you and me."

Spencer looked at him seriously then, a little confused. "I know that, but you already told me that you spoke to Hotch?"

"Yes I did, but then the Vicodin scare happened and I wasn't able to tell you everything that we discussed."

Derek was looking at Spencer so wearily, his eyes filled with so much fear that the younger man couldn't find it within himself to be angry, he knew that Derek would have only withheld the information for his protection.

"What did you discuss that you didn't tell me about?" He asked evenly.

"Us…"

"Derek!"

"I didn't even bring it up Spence I swear! He figured it out all on his own!"

"How in the hell could Hotch have figured it out?! He hasn't even seen either of us in almost two weeks!"

Derek inhaled a deep breath before he recounted his entire conversation with Hotch that had taken place the previous day, in exact detail and almost precisely word-for-word.

Spencer's eyes softened with understanding when he heard the truth of the older agent's words, and he apologised for reacting so brashly. "I'm sorry, but I just wouldn't be able to take it if either of us got transferred to another team."

"So long as we keep our personal lives separate from our professional lives, we won't be."

The young agent nodded his head in understanding. "I think we can manage that. I mean, we've had to get through much worse right?"

Derek smiled at Spencer's words and the young man easily reciprocated the action. Clooney came trudging up to the two of them then, panting with his tongue lolling out of his mouth before collapsing at their feet, utterly exhausted. Both men gave a slight chuckle at the sight before Derek spoke. "Looks like someone's ready to go home."

"He's not the only one." Spencer said, as he attached the leash to the dog's collar before both he and Clooney stood up, oblivious to the totally enamoured look Derek was giving him at the notion that Spencer had just referred to his house as home.

He wondered if the giddy feeling he had deep in the pit of his stomach whenever he was around the younger agent was ever going to go away. He certainly hoped not, and as he looked up into Spencer's smiling eyes that were gazing back at him, he knew that when feelings between two people were this strong, there was no way a sensation like that was ever going to away.

He grabbed Spencer's hand and together they walked back to the car, the sunset creating the perfect backdrop for the moment behind them.

**So I have bad news, I think that this is the penultimate chapter of Feed the Fire Within… *stop throwing stuff at me!* Guys I'm so sad! It's the first full-length story I've ever written and published and actually stuck with. But I PROMISE more MoReid goodness to come, whether it be in the form of oneshots, full length stories or maybe even a sequel ;) I think I may already have an idea for another story/oneshot. I just don't have any plot-bunnies for this anymore and feel the story has run its course. I'd rather end it now and have written a great piece than drag it out and it just gets awful you know?**

**A1fictiongrl: ****Thank you so much for the review! I hope you like this chapter too.**

**People Person I'm Not: ****Thank you! I hope you find this chapter as good as the last!**

**Wainwright: ****Thank you for your review! I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the last one!**

**KimOfDrac: ****Thank you for both your reviews! I hope this delivered on the smexiness :P I'm not sure I did :/ I always struggle writing those scenes…**

**Olivia: ****Yay, I'm so glad to hear you that! I wanted to portray some playfulness :D thanks for the review and hope you like this chapter as well.**

**Jamie1991: ****Oooh, awesome… I think I may just go and have a peek ;) hehe, thank you for the review and letting me know!**

**Nannily: ****Yay! Glad you liked it and I hope you like this too, thank you for the review!**

**Evie Antorcha: ****You're review was so very awesome so thank you so much! I'm really glad you're enjoying it and I hope you like this part too.**

**Susanne: ****Thank you so much for your kind review! I hope you keep reading and keep enjoying :D**

**Mia: ****Monster review! Loved it :D hehe well I'll let you decide about the smexiness ;) I'm sorry if it doesn't quite live up to people's expectations, but truth be told I STRUGGLE when writing them lol, BIG TIME, though I want to practice as much as I can so I can get better ;) *hint hint* lol Hugs back and thank you for reviewing!**

**Cat: ****Your wish is my command! Hehe, hope you enjoy it!**


	20. Eternal Fire

**Eternal Fire**

**A/N: I'm desperately sorry about how long it's taken me to update this… I was putting it off because yes, this is the final chapter :'( MASSIVE thank you to EVERYONE who has stuck by this story seriously, all followers, favorites, alerts and especially reviews. This is my first ever full-length story, not just on fanfic but that I've ever written and your unwavering support has meant the absolute world to me 3 3 3**

**Disclaimer: Anything resembling Criminal Minds belongs to Criminal Minds and its respective owners. Anything else such as the plot and Original Characters, belongs to me.**

Their return to work the following morning stressed Spencer out far more than he thought it would. He had a very specific feeling of unease nestled in the pit of his stomach that had manifested itself before he had even opened his eyes and fully woken up.

As he went about the menial task of getting up and ready for work, he realised that he wasn't even entirely sure what it was that had him so panicked in the first place. He was apprehensive for some reason, and he had no inkling as to why.

He walked into the kitchen and turned positively green at the sight of the cooked breakfast Derek had laid out for him. The older man noticed the change in his complexion, making his way towards his lover and wrapping a comforting arm around his waist, concern glimmering in his eyes.

"You feeling okay?" He asked, bringing his hand up to touch Spencer's forehead.

Spencer managed a weak smile before he replied. "I'm fine. Just nervous I guess."

Derek seemed to nod his understanding. "You think you can manage something to eat?"

Spencer's expression turned pained as he once again looked at the breakfast on the table.

"I'm guessing that's a no."

"I'm sorry." Spencer said guiltily.

"Don't apologise Spence." Derek said, kissing the top of his forehead before moving to begin clearing the food way. "But don't think that this gets you out of eating breakfast every other day. Once you go back to work today and see that nothing's changed I won't let you off the hook again."

Derek was trying his best to joke and lighten the mood, but something he said seemed to have struck a chord with Spencer.

"Everything's changed."

Carefully, Derek put down the plate he was holding, uncertain of the sudden change of mood and what it meant.

"Not at work it hasn't." He said finally.

"Not yet…"

"Spencer, what is this?"

"I just… I'm worried you know? That the team won't take it well or that they'll treat us differently or we'll get into trouble you know? They're going to walk on eggshells around me enough as it is."

Derek sighed as he moved back around the table towards Spencer and gripped his arms. "Baby, you're overthinking this. I don't think the team could care less about us either way, Hotch assured me that everything is going to be alright, and as far as you're concerned I… _what _is so funny?"

Spencer, who had been trying to fight back his laughter throughout Derek's monologue, found that he could hold it in no more, and he laughed openly when the older man realised that he was trying not to do so.

"W-what did you call me?" Spencer asked through his throaty laughs.

Derek looked at him first in confusion and then in recognition, a mischievous smile growing on his face. "Baby?"

Spencer laughed harder when Derek said it the second time around, and the older profiler couldn't help but chuckle at the younger man's antics. "Why is me calling you 'baby' so amusing?"

"I-it's just that I should find you referring to me as a new-born or recently born child derogatory… but I can't help but find the term of endearment, well… endearing, and I just never expected anyone, least of all you, to call me that.

"Well get used to it _baby, _because there's a lot more where that came from." Derek winked at him, wrestling Spencer into his arms and pressing a kiss to his lips.

The younger man smiled in delight and thought, maybe, this morning wasn't going to be so awful after all.

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No sooner had Derek and Spencer stepped foot inside the BAU were they greeted by a very frazzled looking Hotch.

"Morgan, Reid, I need you in the conference room now."

"Whoa, we have a case already?" Derek asked incredulously.

"No, but you and Reid need to be updated on everything's that happened since you've been away, and I have paperwork to deal out amongst the team."

Spencer brought his hand up to cover his mouth as he sniggered at Morgan's dejected groan at hearing that he had a day full of paperwork ahead of him. The young agent swore that he saw their Unit Chief smile too, but his face was quickly masked into one of composure before he could have been sure.

"You're looking good Reid." Hotch said turning to him, and Spencer knew that there was so much more meaning to the words than what was simply said.

"Thank you Sir." He replied sincerely.

Hotch gave him a small smile before giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder. "You and Morgan are never allowed time off again, things haven't been running nearly as smoothly around here with the two of you gone."

"Maybe not without _me._" Derek said. "But Spencer here doesn't really contribute much when he's here anyway, so I doubt anyone noticed a difference with him gone."

"Derek!" Spencer hissed, slapping his arm but not managing to mask his smile.

The older agent grinned at him. "You know I'm only teasing Spence."

"I know." The younger agent grinned in return, both agents oblivious to the shocked expression that Hotch wore as he witnessed their interaction. To anyone in the office, it simply looked like witty and playful banter between two co-workers, but to him, who had known the two men for so much longer and far more intimately, it was so much more than what it appeared to be.

"Come." Hotch said. "The rest of the team's waiting in the conference room."

And with that he turned on his heel and left for the conference room, the two younger agents trailing behind him. Upon seeing Spencer's hesitation, Derek touched his arm surreptitiously and gave him a comforting smile, relieved when his soothing attempt appeared to work.

Hotch was already standing at the head of the table when the two agents entered the conference room, and neither man expected the greeting they received upon passing through the threshold.

Almost instantly a mass of curly blonde hair, decorated with various brightly coloured clips and baubles attacked them both, her arms swinging over each of their shoulders as Garcia gave them the biggest hug either man had ever received in their entire life.

"Whoa, Baby Girl; keep acting like that and you might actually knock one of us out."

"Derek Morgan you shush." She admonished him playfully, turning her back on him so that she could appraise Spencer; she frowned at him slightly before she next spoke. "I'm bringing you dinner tonight, and don't," she started when Spencer attempted to interject, "argue with me, Junior G-man, because I'm having none of it. You're far too thin!"

"I have a fast metabolism!"

"I don't care about your metabolism, you're too thin and that's the end of that." She huffed, turning back around and seating herself at the table once again.

Spencer gaped at her with his mouth open until J.J. finally stepped in front of him and gave him a hug. "Hey Spence, I'm glad you're back." She smiled at him, before hugging Derek and returning to her seat.

The two men were then greeted by both Prentiss and Gideon, before they too, returned to their seats, Spencer and Derek following right after.

The two men sat side-by-side and looked to Hotch, not missing the meaningful look that he gave them. Derek and Spencer turned to look at each other and Derek angled himself towards the younger agent, their knees bumping together and their arms coming to rest against each other on the table.

It was nothing so overt so as to arouse suspicion to a passer-by, but to the group of profilers it was enough. J.J. and Emily's faces broke out into wide grins and they smiled at each other knowingly, Garcia barely managed to suppress her squeal of delight and Gideon quirked a smile before looking down at the table and chuckling slightly, as if to say that now, he had seen it all.

"On second thought," Garcia began, "I think I'll skip out on my dinner offer, it looks to me like someone else already has that covered, though I'm sure his chocolate sauce for dessert is far tastier than his main." She winked at them and instantly Spencer reddened, looking down at the table in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. It didn't work, however, when both Derek and the rest of the team laughed at Garcia's antics and Spencer's response to them.

Hotch allowed the team a few more seconds to gather their composure before he began the meeting, noting the way Derek looked at Spencer with a smirk on his face that screamed _"I told you so"._

The younger man breathed out a sigh of relief and relaxed into his chair, telling the team about him and Derek, without having to actually tell the team about him and Derek, had made the entire situation infinitely easier, and now one of his greatest challenges had been overcome. He didn't have to worry anymore or fear the team's reactions.

They knew, and he couldn't have been happier.

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Things were infinitely easier after that day in the office, having the team know and be okay with their relationship had meant more to both Spencer and Derek than either man ever thought it would, and it was only with the threat of their family perhaps abandoning them that they realised how much they truly relied on the team and each other.

A month after Spencer's official return to work, the two agents were still living together, stopping off occasionally at the younger agent's apartment to grab a thing or two on their way home from work… until, piece-by-piece, Spencer's belongings began to find their place in Derek's home instead of his own.

The younger agent appraised Derek's room one morning, on one of the rare Saturday's that they actually had off, and realised that his clothes were intermingled with Derek's own in the older agent's wardrobe.

He knew that they had a good thing going, and he most certainly didn't want to rock the boat, but when Derek's arm snaked its way around his waist and the older agent kissed him on the shoulder he couldn't help himself from asking. "So… exactly how long am I staying here?"

Derek didn't even look up as he continued his work with the younger man's skin. "As long as you want." He murmured against his shoulder blade, and Spencer sighed in relief.

The younger agent decided that that was the day he had officially moved in; and it wasn't long after that moment, that 'Derek's' home became 'their' home.

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The spectre that was Tobias Hankel never fully disappeared from their lives. He would appear in the most seemingly random of times, or rear his ugly head when it appeared that everything was going well.

Spencer's addiction followed him around like a shadow, and though he was able to live his life with relative normalcy, there were still those occasions when he thought that he might get sent veering off of the edge, sometimes for no apparent reason at all.

One night, Derek awoke to the thick blackness of his and Spencer's bedroom, not entirely sure at first of what it was that had woken him. It didn't take him long to realise that it was Spencer's moans… pitched and pained as he writhed in an attempt to escape the malicious throes of his nightmare.

It hadn't happened in a while, and Derek had been disappointed that the nightmares hadn't disappeared completely – as futile as he knew that wish had been.

He had roused his younger lover with whispered reassurances and soothing gestures but it had not been enough. Spencer had rolled over almost as soon as his eyes had snapped open and had hugged Derek to him, gripping the older man's shoulder blades with a strength that both awed and frightened him, Spencer's nails digging into his skin.

"What is it?" Derek had asked worriedly.

The younger man hadn't replied, only gripping Derek harder.

"Spencer, what happened, what's wrong?" Derek had tried to manoeuvre his arms so that his hands could rest against Spencer's chest, he had attempted to push the younger man away from him so that he could have looked into his face, but at the time, Spencer was having none of it.

"Spencer!" He had hissed, completely panicked by that point. "Tell me what's wrong! Please, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong!"

But the younger man had still not replied.

Eventually, Derek had resigned himself to simply holding Spencer back, shaking with the force of Spencer's own shivers as they had wracked his frame, sobs threatening to burst forth. The raw emotion itself had betrayed Spencer, but it was his silence that had been the biggest giveaway of all.

He had continued to grip the older man even as he had fallen asleep, unconsciousness had still not provided him with his much needed reprieve, and he had only seemed to have clutched Derek tighter even when he had fallen fast asleep.

The next morning, they had had their first fight since Spencer had been in the midst of his withdrawal.

They had argued, yelled and ping-ponged in what had seemed to be a perpetual back-and-forth regarding what had happened the previous night and why Spencer wouldn't talk about it.

"Don't you understand!" Derek had eventually yelled at him. "You scared the absolute _shit _out of me!"

Spencer's mouth had dropped open then, unaccustomed to the older agent's cussing even though he had heard it before.

They had stared at each other for a long while, both men breathing heavily and neither gaze unwavering.

Finally, after what had seemed to have been hours, Spencer had spoken. "Sometimes Derek I just need you to hold me, and in those times, it's enough."

The argument had ended there.

The fight resolved itself when Spencer realised that he needed to open up to Derek more, and when Derek realised that not everything needed to be put into words. He knew what Spencer's nightmares were about and he knew that the cravings almost always followed them.

From that day on, he merely held Spencer after one his nightmares and the younger agent would always talk about it when he felt that the time was right.

It was only when a certain pattern began repeating itself, however, that Spencer understood the full impact that the entire ordeal had put Derek through. The younger agent had thought that he would have been the only one to suffer the residual aftershocks of what had happened to him, as well as what had happened in the weeks following after the incident, but it was not so.

Even though nothing had happened to Derek directly, he had still been adversely affected indirectly, a matter of the internal versus the external, and Spencer was often prompted to reverse the roles and be the comforter for a change.

The pattern manifested itself not long after he became clean. The first time it had happened, the young agent had initially been startled. He had woken up to a heavy weight on his chest that had felt entirely too suffocating. He had attempted to sit up, but realised at the last moment that the weight was not confining or antagonistic in any way, it was warm and passive and that was when it had dawned on him that it was Derek; sleeping with his head on the younger man's chest, his ear resting against Spencer's heart.

The image of when Derek had once done that before, the first time they had ever been together, suddenly flashed behind the lids of Spencer's eyes, and he understood that, sometimes, Derek needed assurance just as much as he did.

He had wrapped his arms around the older man's neck and gone back to sleep; the pattern occasionally repeating itself in some of the many nights that followed.

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Many people would have thought the development of their relationship ridiculous, the pace entirely too fast and the fact that its foundation was built on trauma completely unviable; but really… when had other people's opinions honestly mattered?

They were two men, of mixed race, who had departed on a venture that was, quite simply, unconventional and they both knew that rumours and judgment would follow them wherever they went… but that the opposite was true as well.

At the end of the day, happiness and security is what they had found in each other, concepts that had eluded them both from so long that it had taken both men a while to accept it for what it was, whilst realising that there were absolutely no strings attached.

Spencer had thought that he would have found it difficult; altering his life to accommodate another person, and if Derek was honest, he had thought the same thing, but the transformation had been so natural and felt so right that they had only noticed that it had happened until after the fact.

Though they both still had much to learn, about themselves as well as each other, it was a journey that they looked forward to embarking on together, a pilgrimage that would be sacred in the holiest of ways, and rewarding in a manner that would be unquantifiable by any law of physics.

Who knew if it would last or in which direction it would go, but for now, it was enough, and that's all either one of them could ever have hoped to ask for.

**So there it is! Once again a massive thank you for the support. Seriously it's this story and the support that I've received from you guys that has really inspired me to continue with my writing, fanfic and otherwise. You are all the best readers in the world, and I hope to maybe see you reading some of my other stories! If not, it's been a blast!**

**I really do want to write a sequel, however, I don't have a solid idea yet, if/when I do, I will update this story so that you all get an alert regarding the sequel :D**

**People Person I'm Not: ****Thank you so much for reviewing EVERY chapter and being the best support ever, I hope you enjoyed this and continue writing Mind Games like a beast!**

**Wainwright: ****Thank you so so much for being a regular reviewer and so encouraging, I couldn't agree with you more, and I hope to bring you more ideas soon! :P**

**A1fictiongrl: ****A huge thank you for being a regular reviewer and being such a great support system. Really thank you. I agree with you, and I hope you enjoy this and any future stories I may post :D**

**Nannily: ****Hee hee, I'm so glad you liked the fluff and I hope you like this chapter too! Thank you so much for always reviewing! It means the world to me and the encouragement meant that I was always prompted to stick with this story until the end!**

**Klagana1: ****Thank you so very much for always reviewing this story! I really do appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed this final update as much as you did the last! Your encouragement means the world to me, so thank you once again. **

**Phantomreg: ****Hahaha "clutch the pearls" I loved that, I'm really glad you enjoyed it and I hope you enjoy this too! Thank you so very much for reviewing this story, please know that I appreciate it!**

**Mia: ****Oh my word did your last review make me blush :D hehe, I feel so special! And I'll definitely look into livejournal! I'm going away soon, but I'll have a look when I get back. Thank you so very much for reviewing every chapter. I always looked forward to reading your reviews and you always said the nicest, most encouraging things so thank you! Hehe, I hear you on the Morgan/Reid ship, and don't worry, that ship hasn't heard the last from me :P I'm DETERMINED to write a sequel to this (or at the very least I MAY have an unrelated MoReid oneshot/story in the works ;) woowee!) So really thank you so very much once again! I hope to hear from you when I post MoReid once again! :P**

**Irishgirl9: ****Thank you so very much for reviewing this story, I really do appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed this final update and that you enjoy some of the stories I post in the future :D**

**Jamie1991: ****Not quite! Haha, but this is the final update. It's time for it to end now, and I'm so addicted to writing for 'Uncertain Certainty' lol. But thank you so very much for always reviewing. I really do appreciate it! I hope you keep reading my work :D**

**KuroCrusnik: ****I'm glad you're enjoying this story! Welcome, even though this is the final chapter :P And thank you so much for reviewing!**


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